Painful sex

my thought is that any time sex is so painful that it feels like scraping against raw flesh, you might want to get it checked out.

also, be sure you're using enough lubricant.

hi sally...
ive had the same problem now for a long time..ive given up on sex as its excrutiatingly painful...i was told by my gynea doctor i have vulva irritation...ive tried different creams but nothing seems to calm it down....i even get sore wearing knickers because they rub ....so now when im not going out i dont wear any round the house...i have been out this morning for a few hours and have come back and i am so sore its uncomfortable sitting down..its really dragging me down mentally..it all started when i first went to see my doctor for postmenopausel bleeding (which has now stopped and im waitng for biopsy results)..i have had numerous internal examinations over the past 3months and i do think this has irritated the vulva...i have been using e45 cream as it soothes after its been applied but the rawness never seems to go away..i wish i knew the answer..
dollie

Hi Gals

Continual vulval irritation is indeed wearing. Have you tried WW balms? I know it is just another product but I have found the Vulva balm and Bliss Balm to be really tops for settling the irritation I have experienced. Bliss Balm is *the* best lubricant because it is oil based, so it doesn't wash away, and goes very liquid at body temperature, and it prevents the chafing that comes from everyday movement when your vulva and vagina are dry. Sure, I have to wash my knickers in hot water, but it is a small price to pay for comfort. I have learned that giving the vulva a rest for a week or so when irritation does develop is the only way to stop it from getting worse. Once it gets worse it is much more difficult to clear up. It is the only use I have ever found for celibacy.

You might find that using a female condom helps during sex, by simply covering the surfaces of the vagina and preventing direct friction and subsequent abrasion. I have not tried one, and it may not be like the real thing (ever wondered why men don't like condoms?), but it is an option nobody has suggested yet. You could use a lubricant as well, between the condom and the vulva for extra protection from friction. This would be something you would need to work out with your partner.

There's nothing quite like sex, but having to dodge the physical contact and caressing is like unwrapping chocolate, ditching the chocolate and eating the wrapper. ;-)

Best wishes

Louise

I just want to mention that vulva-vaginal pain is Extremely common in older women! As many of you know, I’m working as hard as I can on a vulvar dystrophy remedy, but can only suggest a good lube and very gentle sex for general vaginal/vulvar pain with intercourse. Many women describe intercourse as “hitting something” painful, yet these are healthy women without diagnoses that correlate the pain with anything in particular. Thin, atrophic tissue is likely the problem.

Should we not bring up the subject that it is Okay to let go of sex (as we once knew it) if symptoms persist and cannot be alleviated? It is true that estrogen does improve things considerably, but is a personal choice many of us are not comfortable with pursuing. It’s kind of humorous, really, that we older women were the generation that fought for sexual freedom and now have to defend our choice to not be sexually active. While ancient cultures recognized the value of developing spiritually in the golden years, our culture pushes sexiness on older women as much as the rest.

What really breaks my heart are the women who have had a lot of pelvic surgery and are still trying to please their husbands while suffering horrendous pain. I say, send dear hubby to meditation school and save your energies for finer pursuits.

Oh yeah, and if you are seventy-five and still enjoying great sex...hooray!!

;) Christine

I think you are right, Christine. People have sex for many different reasons, one of which is that they really love it. Many people do not have sex for many reasons, one of which is that they are not interested in it. Then there is everybody else in between.

I agree that our generation made an art form of 'outing' enjoyment of sex, and got it out of the bedroom and into society and the media in a big way. This has turned into the everyday public titillation that is that hallmark of western society so despised by eg, the Islamists (well, part of it, anyway).

As we are what we eat, we become what we experience.

As you say, Christine, there are many ways of expressing our sexuality, and I think we need to become a bit less linear about sex, and a bit more multi-dimensional, allowing ourselves to embrace a fuller view of sex and sexualtiy as we change through our lives, either with age or disease or disability or whatever.

I guess the media are basically run by men, a generality I know, but show me the evidence that it is anyone else at the top. With that seems to come an emphasis on penis-vagina sex for under 30, skinny folk, which is a very limited, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of approach to one of the wonders of being human. I think it stinks, because the media are so intrusive and insidious in our lives, giving us little reason to think anything different. And many people seem to live their lives via the box in the corner, and do not think for themselves. I'm not going to say any more. I could go on for ever about it.

When I drive along a highway, and am confronted by a billboard that displays a message with overtly sexual inuendo or a poster on a wall that shows a bra advertisement on boobs that are 1 metre across, I really wonder what sort of species we are. What would the martians think? Maybe that's why nobody ever sees the same flying saucer twice, and they always depart at speed?

Cheers

Louise