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louiseds
July 9, 2009 - 8:47am
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Too late?
Hi Lauren
Hmm, it is certainly not only women who have complications from surgery, but you have both survived it pretty well, by the sounds of it. You are never too old to start enjoying sex again. Sperm may be good for the vagina, but I doubt that vasectomy would have a negative effect on the vaginal walls. We have certainly had more good sex since DH's vasectomy, and my vagina didn't change at the time. There is still the seminal fluid which is still pretty slippery. I don't know what it is about coitus, but it is hard to beat. I always feel more plumped up when I am having a frequent sex time. It kind of feeds itself, as if practice makes perfect. You get out of the way of it, and almost forget how good it is.
I would say you both need some good quality erotica (as opposed to porn), and just need to make friends again with your older bodies. Some massage, dimmed lights, nice music and plenty of Bliss Balm for wherever it feels nice. Ask what he wants too, though you might not get an answer. I am sure that foreplay becomes more important as we get older. Female orgasm doesn't come as easily either, I am told. Any difficulty or perceived difficulty will take the gloss off it for both of you. So you might now have the opportunity to learn some new tricks and just enjoy each other's bodies, orgasm or not.
Tantrics experience orgasm without ejaculation, so maybe that's something to work on? Men sometimes need to learn that the penis, and ejaculating through it is not all there is to orgasm or good sex. I think the love is what makes it good, no matter how old you are, and no matter what the end result is.
Semen good for the vagina? Well, of course, but it is not the only thing that is good for the vagina!
Another thought. DH may think that your vaginal problems will be the end of sex altogether, and that isn't going to help him to feel confident about sex for the future.
Bliss Balm, Bliss Balm, Bliss Balm!
Cheers
Louise
Lauren
July 11, 2009 - 9:06pm
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to Louise
Thank you for your response. I should look into the tantric (sp). I had a great time just kissing tonight and am kind of relearning, I think, with my new situation. Maybe it has helped me be more empathetic, too, to my husband's issues! He had hypospadius repair - not vasectomy - back when he was a little boy. Multiple surgeries. He has tons of scar tissue. Anyway - I'm encouraged and thinking I need to see about estrogen, too, for inside. And I'm trying the bliss balm. It didn't hurt when we had sex tonight but I'm sore inside now - like my organs are! Weird. Still encouraging, though. I was having sharp pain before. I know we are WAY out of touch (literally) and need to take time out a heck of a lot more than we do. It takes a lot of time, but we will be empty nesters soon so maybe that'll help = ) Thank you again!! (I never have really talked to anyone about this before). (Tantrics??? gonna have to look into that).
louiseds
July 12, 2009 - 12:13am
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Intimacy after your family have grown up is so important
:-)