sexual disfunction due to prolapse?

I truly do not think that your prolapse would cause a lack of sensitivity. It could be something physical though. Did you have any trauma during the birth of your last baby? Lacerations could cause nerve damage. That also may explain why you're in pain...(hopefully Louise will chime in here)
Of course emotional upheaval can have a tremendous impact on a woman's sexuality. Especially if you have a prolapse. If you're having trouble in your marriage, that could also easily affect your libido. I guess the question is which came first. Is your lack of interest affecting your marriage or the other way around.
I think that nursing can squash your sex drive even if your periods are back. When your nursing you may feel over-touched. There's nothing left over for hubby!

with lyricmama. Prolapse physically wouldn't affect your ability to feel sensations. But, if you are upset about it, it may stop you feeling sexy, as can new baby, being upset with hubby, kids, babies in your arms all day etc. Nursing affects your hormones for sure, even slightly when you have your periods (mine went beserk once my little one started feeding less, despite the fact that I'd been having them for well over a year at that point). So, maybe it affects you in that way? Are you using any sort of hormonal contraceptive?
And as lyricmama suggested, could be something to do with trauma. Are you having any other symptoms that are making you feel not so great, ie dryness, itching etc?
Could be so many things, but probably not the prolapse...

Hi Zubie

This must be very worrying for you, expecially after your first baby. You haven't done this before, after all. Lyricmama mentioned the possibility od feeling overtouched when you are nursing. A big bell went clang, as I remembered what it was like. I also felt that I was giving myself all day, and I rather resented giving myself at night too. It was like I was owned by everyone else, and there was nothing left over for me.

I have said many times that when we become mothers, I think our hormones conspire to make us very interested in looking after mysterious, little, non-verbal poo and wee bags that we attach to our precious boobies many times every day. They stroke and pat our breasts and appropriate them as their own, and we just go gaa-gaas about them. This is all so that these little helpless babies stay close by and we don't abandon them to wild animals and go off looking some grownup love. You can do all sorts of deliberate and practical things so that you and DH can have quality time and good sex, but the hormones have their own agenda.

Libido and sexual attraction are about testosterone, not about oestrogen. I am not clear about the effect of one on the other, but they are different. Therefore, even though your periods may be back and regular, and your oestrogen levels may be back to normal, prolactin, the milk hormone, is still raging away, and (I guess) disturbing your libido.

I can remember clearly that I was never interested in sex while I was in full lactation, though I was more interested as lactation wore down. I think my lactation prevented me from feeling like a really sexual person, as if I couldn't dissociate from my primary relationship, which was, at the time, the baby. Sounds a bit creepy, but I don't mean it in that way. The baby was just more important at the time. We usually had a baby in bed with us all night. That didn't help either, sexwise, but at least I wasn't chronically tired from being up half the night feeding babies. Oh yes, I was quite tired with little kids, so going to bed meant going to sleep as soon as possible, and having my body to myself.

I think female arousal is very brain-centric, and if it takes a long time, then it takes a long time. You might find you go from a state of feeling abjectly bored and irritated (and guilty) about DH's tender foreplay to being quite enthusiastic about it, quite suddenly.

I think you need to talk to DH about all these things. After all this is your relationship you are talking about. Get some professional help if necessary. If you have the space to do it, setting up a special space, just for you and DH, might be a way of your preparing yourself for a return to being the sexual person your were before. Then there are fantasies, and books on tantric sex, enjoying your own body, and getting some sexy new undies and gorgeous bras organised. These are ways you can spend some energy on becoming more sexual. Just taking these steps can be arousing in themselves.

I really don't think POP has anything to do with it, except in your head, like POP and lack of interest in sex are two things you were not expecting about having a baby, so you have automatically associated them with each other.

That should give you quite a bit to work on. If none of it works, then you can worry about POP as a cause, but my guess is that you are still not in sexy mode, ang being angry and frustrated about it is just making it worse. It will pass. My heart goes out to you.

Louise

agree completely with what the others have said.

also that when you and dh make the transition from 'husband + wife' to 'parents with child' roles change and that can affect sexuality too. though I had heard that before we had our first, I was really taken by surprise that 'it happened to me'. 'course my PPD didn't help, but I digress.

another thing I've learned over the last 11 years is that even in the best marriages, there can be seasons. sometimes sexuality takes a back seat during transitions or a health crisis or for any number of reasons. this doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you or your dh or your marriage.
sometimes its an opportunity to strengthen other aspects of your self and/or relationship.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

as far as the physical implications of POP on sexual response, I think it is possible that things are not exactly where they were (this can happen after childbirth even without a prolapse, especially if you had tearing). taking some time to learn the new lay of the land can be helpful. I tore up the front after my first and honestly couldn't find my clitoris for quite some time. and when I did, things were not good, lots of psychic pain there (meaning it didn't really hurt but set off a fight-or-flight type response which I attribute to the trauma of the tear). took a long time to work that one through, but well worth the effort.
which brings us back full circle to the pyschological impact of POP. you may have to work through this loss to get back to your former state of sexuality.

Oh I can hear how upsetting this is for you! And worrying. It's scary when things change.
My first instinct would be to talk to DH. talk about how you feel, your worries about sex, relationship, everything. Get it out there. Then, start small. Kissing. we forget to kiss and cuddle. We need to feel safe and loved and kissing and cuddling is a great place to start. Don't worry about the sex right now--that's a sure way to not feel in the mood. As gmom said, relationships are fluid--but love is in my mind what carries us through those times. I personally think that kids are just exhausting, and sex becomes the last thing for a lot of women--POP or no POP. I have friends who go months without sex--but they still have great, loving relationships--just not much sex. The ones who have the most work at home--sex can happen before fatigue hits!

or just no libido when it comes to your man? Have you been able to get together with him and have a good time even if you were totally disinterested initially?
I just wonder if it is a physical deal, physiological deal or a psychological deal... the first and second can be ruled out if you are able to have an orgasm- if you can't then getting to the bottom of where the disconnect is will be tricky.
I bet a therapist would be great if what you are dealing with is psychological.
You are not broken. You may be temporarily out of service ;) but you are not broken.

Hi and welcome, Zubie,

Well...It seems pretty unlikely there are heavy psychological issues at play given that you’ve enjoyed an active sex life in the recent past. At least you didn’t mention any huge traumas. Prolapse isn’t That bad ;)

As a general rule, disorders don’t just show up (birth trauma is an exception), but develop slowly over time. Prolapse is a great example. For years women have been told by their doctors in a casual way that they have a “tipped” uterus. We now understand this to be the first stage of prolapse.

Louise is right that testosterone supports sexuality in some ways by its actions upon the clitoris and vulva. You mention a “covered” clitoris, but I’m wondering if perhaps it is more recessed than covered. Testosterone is an anabolic steroid and the clitoris can grow or shrink in accordance with T levels in this tissue. We only make about 10% of the T that males do, but that 10% is *really* important.

Women with more serious vulva issues are applying topical testosterone cream to the area left and right, which I believe is a very bad idea for many reasons - not the least of which that T in excess in post-menopausal women plays a significant role in the development of breast cancer. An excess of T in premenopausal women is very imbalancing. Female testosterone levels are extremely difficult to measure in blood and impossible to measure in tissue. It is a crap-shoot at best.

However, you can raise your T levels naturally. The first thing to do is lower your stress - I know...not easy. But things won’t change dramatically until you do. Cortisol, our stress hormone, lowers free T levels by causing more of the protein that binds T to be produced. This is why corticosteroids prescribed for vulva conditions create a more vicious cycle. Caffeine does the same thing.

Eating a really clean diet that includes organic butter, avocados, cruciferous veges, brown rice, and perhaps a good zinc supplement should help a lot. Discontinue all vegetable oils and take at least 300 mg of DHA oil each day. I’ve become a huge proponent of algae oil instead of fish oil. It is pure and soon-to-be plentiful. We will be forced to give up fish oil anyway because our present stores of cold water fish will not support the world’s human requirement for DHA.

Take grape seed extract or drink quality grape juice for the inhibiting effect it has on aromatase - the enzyme that turns T into E. Be very cautious with alcohol, which plays havoc with T levels.

Be sure to get regular exercise. This mobilizes T from tissues and breaks the cycle of imbalance.

IMHO, I don’t think you necessarily have to have a huge discussion with your dh about this. At least not at this point. It might be easier on your ego (or femininity - you know what I mean) to slowly and steadily make these changes and see what happens.

We’d love to hear of your progress!

:) Christine

Hi again, Zubie.

Hm-m-m...I didn’t see your second comment before answering your original post. It kinda changes things, eh? I think you’ve had good advice from all the women.

Long term sexual relationships are not easy. There was a great article recently about women with naturally high estrogen levels and how they are sort of programmed to “trade up”. Serial monogamy is their pattern. I know you don’t need to hear this - I don’t know what to say! Never aspired to be a sex therapist..

(((hugs)))

Christine