I am so sick of this..

this is the first post i've written. i know how you are feeling, even though my situation is different. try and hang in there, give your body time to heal, realign, and know that it can get better!

i am 48 years old, with two teenage kids, both were big babies...9 1/2 pds and 10 1/2 pds. i had a prolapse after giving birth to my 10 pounder, had to have a cesarean in the end. but after a time of healing, i was fine. never had a thought about it until this past april. i have always been uber-active...going to the gym, running, and happy being busy. i've always worked in the hospitality industry, pastry chef in australia for 10 years, then moved back to the states 10 years ago and have been managing a restaurant ever since. my job requires me to lift cases of wine daily, but i never gave a second thought to it, i knew the correct way to lift and tried never to overdo it...but i think that was slowly weaking my already weakened musculature/ligamenture.

with my kids growing up, i finally found more time to consistently run and was loving life, excited about my next stage...and then i decided to go to the gym for the first time in 5 years...and pop! while i was on a "squat" machine...it happened...i know i overdid it with the heaviness of the weights. at first i just thought i hurt my back, then i realized what happened, i was scared, depressed, angry at myself for overdoing it...wondering what kind of future i can have if i feel so deformed and in pain. my back hurt constantly, and i have never had back pain in my life..i've always considered myself to be a very strong person. and now i felt weak and defeated. i found this website and bought books, started researching and am hopeful that i can live with my cystocele. it has definetely gotten better in the back department. i only have pain once in a while. i am trying to run again, and some days feel quite "normal". my cystocele has not gone back up in my vagina, it still sticks out, which really worries me...that and the fact my stomach feels distended all the time. but i do what i can, i do the posture, the dvd routine, i'm trying to let my body tell me what it needs. i know i will never be the same, but i'm hoping it gets better than this! i'm going to give it a year, and decide what to do after that...

this is a super long post, sorry about that. it's early stages for both of us, especially you! you have two very small children that need you 24/7...but you are young and the body has amazing healing powers, it just needs a little help from you...and TIME!

..and that is slowly and gently pulling yourself up into the natural shape of your spine, from which your organs are suspended. In this way, your fascial layers will literally change the shape of your body and how your organs are positioned. Massage, etc. are very good adjuncts to the postural work, but kegels or anything done with the stomach pulled in is not going to reverse these symptoms.

Just as a warning...some young women simply cannot work with their body in this way and want it fixed Now. They cannot identify with the language of self-restoration and continuously seek help from the outside. Some of these stories do not end well.

Nothing from the outside helps. Prolapse can only be stabilized from the inside. Your psyche is an integral part of the process. You have had many women in your shoes tell you that you will slowly see results with this work. I would suggest you trust them, trust your body, and know that the universe works in certain ways that have been documented through the ages. What we think becomes our reality.

Do you have a good grasp of the posture? It is not ballet-like in that we never pull in the belly, but rather expand it by lifting our chest.

You will need to spend a lot of time on hands and knees (with bottom in air) and in seated positions that re-align your fascial planes. A lifted tailbone is what eventually causes the heaviness you describe to completely subside.

Please feel free to cry all you want, but the constant grasping is difficult for us to listen to because we know it is of no use. Stand up, woman!

Hugs from Christine

I too have just begun to post comments. I am at the one year mark. You can read my story in menopause and prolapse, as well as other forum locations. I think the link between pregnancy & prolapse and menopause & prolapse is the action of hormones (or lack of them) on the female body. Also, everything mommaof2 is experiencing is due to hormones, right down to the great depression and feeling of loss. Please, don't stop working to feel better. Remember, good health is the combination of many factors. It will take solutions from many sources to accomplish a more permanent change. The most important factor is time. None of this can be mastered on any timetable of your choosing. Put one foot in front of the other. You must adopt the posture, exercise, eat well, and rest when you need it. Continue to try what is suggested, when it makes sense to you. Don't let the pressure of what "used to be" rule your recovery. Read as many posts from as many women as possible.
The answers are here.
Melly

It is absolutely true that our hormones dictate much of who we are and how we function. But human health is so much deeper than “down-stream” conditions of hormonal deficiency. For instance, high stress, which new-onset prolapse surely causes, releases cortisol into the bloodstream leading to increased inflammation throughout the body. Inflammatory mediators in turn suppress thyroid function, resulting in reduced levels of the active T3 form of thyroid hormone. Anyone who understands the inflammatory process would surely see the profound risk of trying to “balance” common symptoms of stress and aging with exogenous hormones.

I think this is a good place to emphasize the importance of natural iodine, a trace element from the sea and from plants grown near saltwater - and eggs and dairy from animals consuming iodine-rich feed. Most people need about 150 micrograms of iodine per day - pregnant women require more, about 220 mcg - and breastfeeding mothers need 290 micrograms. One salty meal per day - using a good sea salt - should supply the basic daily requirement, while seaweeds such as kombu, kelp and wakame are great supplements.

We keep our stress hormone levels high while thrashing about and crying, Why me? A huge part of the work of prolapse stabilization is learning to self-soothe our anxieties. When you really understand the importance of this - that your emotional state is making a difference in the health of your connective tissue - it brings your focus where it should be - on your own internal process of acceptance and mindfulness.

Hope this helps a little bit.

Christine

I don't plan to take hormones the rest of my days. The overall plan is to support my imbalance with exogenous methods and use "step-down" to move to a more supplementive and dietary form of balance. For example, I am a diabetic, and I need metformin and glipizide to aide my system until I can loose more weight and increase my exercise regime enough to reduce my dosages and hopefully stop medications.
I have already eliminated my evening glipizide by supplementing with Chromium, cinnamon, and green tea. It is important to monitor levels with your doctor. I have also been able to reduce the thyroid as my overall adrenal health improves. I understand these things take time, and they may not be the right approach for everyone. Women who blog here only want to put options out for others to try.
I believe there are health professionals out there who are beginning to understand our issues. Notice, I didn't say doctors. They could be nurse practioners, midwives, herbalists, homeopaths, or the learned clerks of your local healthfood stores. Continue to seek them out if you are lost about how to begin the return to good health. But, also study here for the lifestyle changes you will need to make the move away from exogenous support. Someone said once "times, they are achanging". Believe.
The answers are here
Melly

You need to find someone to help you around the house. Do you have any friends or relatives that can come and help? Maybe find a mother's helper? Can you get take out or low-prep food for a while? Can your husband pitch in more, for a while?

You just need to rest, lady! It will get better!!!

I was in your shoes EXACTLY. My mum came to help for 6 weeks. While it wasn't super-great for my marriage, we all made it work so that I could rest and get better.

And I did get better.

Hugs.

it will get better! but as christine says, it wil come from within. i too tried everything, and i do think some things helped. but ultimately my body needed time, and i needed to get to grips with a whole new way of holding myself and moving. i too used to dance, and it is strange to not tuck under etc...but i got there. in the mean time, i spent a lot of time looking at how i sit, how i stand, how i walk, and playing on elbows and knees.
i remember at first lifting the water jug made me bulge. forget unloading the dishwasher--it was horrible (but had to be done). and everything scared me.
and for a while, i saw no change. but slowly it started to improve and by 6 months it was getting so much better.
you are what, 14 weeks PP now? really, that is so so so early. set your sights further down the horizon of where you want to be in 3 months--ie starting to improve. where you want to be in 6 months, not so bulgy. a year, starting to be able to forget about POP. i know that feels like an eternity away, but trust me, it isn't...you will get there.
re all the external stuff, i think the most important is as Christine says, finding ways to calm the anxieties. that was crucial for me, and iwth me took a bit of help (ie homeopathy for really bad days) but got easier...but definately needed, or it is hard to focus on you and realigning your body.

do you have the DVD? i find the visual really helps. and then building in a few excercises, starting with nauli / firebreathing, then a bit more as you have time. feels impossible with small children i know, but even a bit will help.

i decided early on that that first year PP was going to be just about healing. everything else would have to wait...we cancelled trips, didn't do much, just did what i needed and i focused on me. the mess is a pain but can wait. draft in friends. don't worry about work--you aren't there yet. take it bit by bit, and you'll get there...
big hugs to you!

christine,

thank you for this post. all the words spoke straight to me and were just what i needed at the right time. i recently saw a p.t. and all she wanted me to do were KEGELS! in fact, as she had me doing them in a laying down position i said to here that it was making my prolapse worse and she commented "well, i don't see anything bulging out, so it's o.k." whatever! (will NOT be going back)

but, many thanks again for your post. it will be what will sustain me. -lalita

It's hard isn't it? I hear that. You are a good mom and a good wife. Bad sh&t happens to all people- that's just the way it goes.
I can remember when my daughter was in the ICU and we didn't know if she would live or die. I was on the elevator going out to the parking lot to nurse my 4 month old baby and I saw a 2 year old little girl playing and all I could think was STOP. STOP NOW. My little girl can't play, you shouldn't either.
There is nothing rational about that mind space. I wanted to push that sweet toddler down and yell at her for being happy and healthy.
It was a really tough time and looking back on it now I can not believe that I felt that way. In fact I can't even identify with that woman I was then. All I can do is remember it and learn from it.
You are going to look back on this time and realize how strong you are. How much you've grown and changed. You will look back at this time in a fuzzy, altered memory dreamlike way and think 'that was a dark time for me'
I like what Melhop said about putting one foot in front of the other.
You may not feel up to what is on your plate right now. Sometimes that happens.
One image I leaned on when I was going through my daughter's sickness was the image of a plant and how the plant that is pruned and bare comes back stronger with more fruit. Sickness, pain, injury- they stretch us. they make spaces in us that we didn't know existed before.
And believe me, this is the place wisdom grows out of. You are young- growing hurts sometimes. Suffering is part of the human condition.
So many experiences in my life are held up and measured against that dark time. I can look at things now and say. 'sure this is a hard time. I know about hard times. I've made it through before, I can make it through this here and now'
I think one of the hardest parts of discovering prolapse as a young woman is that you don't already have years of pain, disappointments, deaths, and failures to draw from. As a young woman discovering prolapse you have not had a chance to watch your body age rapidly. I know. I'm right here with you.
I also know the particular set of challenges that come with raising a young family. I have 4 of my own. 7 and younger. The manual labor this work requires is staggering. One thing I learned right off was to lower the expectations I had about my house work and food preparation. I discovered that apples and peanut butter made a fine meal for my children. boiled eggs and sliced cheese were simple and easy. I also asked for help. ME! I never asked for help. But when I was first dealing with prolapse I made a list for my dh (unload the dishwasher, unload the dryer, carry the laundry to the laundry room-things like that) and would you believe that 3, almost 4 years later he is still doing those things? I could do it all now I feel that great. But I love the help -so he keeps it up. And the kids are older too. Our 7 year old is such a help to me and so is our almost 6 year old. Between the three of us there is nothing we can't do. They help carry in the groceries, pick up messes and watch over the little boys too.
What I'm saying is that many things are going to naturally happen that will change your situation.
Even if you did nothing, time would heal your body significantly. With WW behind you, there is no stopping the amount of improvement you can achieve.
Breathe. Keep breathing. deep breaths. It will get better.

Alemama, is your daughter OK? Some of the posts here are so moving for me. We share so many things with other women without even knowing. I spent 10 months in the hospital with my daughter over 27 years ago. Maggie didn't survive her brain tumor, and I was never the same person again. It took me nearly 5 years to feel human. Some of that time I barely remember, and I had a 6 year old boy to raise. The stress we have in our lives takes such a toll on our bodies. I believe some of my issues are carried over from that time. My brain chemistry last fall showed cortisol levels through the roof. My cravings for chocolate was almost continual. I have been taking supplements to adjust these chemicals and will be retesting in July.

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Maggie.
My heart just hurts for you. It takes my breath away to even try to carry your sorrow for one minute.
Our little girl recovered. She is healthy and strong. We never did find out exactly what caused her illness. I suspect a severe allergic reaction to new playground sand. But for a short period of time I was suspended. Waiting. It was too long. In some ways I am still recovering from that fright.
Love to you Melly, and health and continued recovery.

I have been under the impression for some time, that sea salt does not contain iodine . . . only table salt that states it on the pkg. and often table salts have been bleached and possibly had something else done to them to prevent clumping. Salt is a tricky one.

powdered kelp is a good source of iodine.

I wonder about sea salt? maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

anyone else have info. on iodine. a cranio sacral therapist claimed I could get iodine from green veggies, but that's not true.

help me understand this if you have more info. thanks

Hi Mommaof2

I get exactly how you feel - and at the moment it does feel like it is the way it is going to be, and you may be wondering if it will ever get any better. I wondered if I would feel disabled forever.

Asking for help is important and giving yourself a break to heal - we rest when we are sick and injured and we need to rest with a POP. I have found resting to be the best thing and trying to do too much the worst. Have you tried laying down during the day - or spending a few days lying down. I felt like you do a little while ago and was fed up, I kept saying 'I am SO sick of this'.... so I committed the next 2-3 weeks as 'healing time'. I asked my Mum to come over and do my housework, and hubby to help out as much as possible - he even was making my breakfast so I could stay in bed for longer. Asking for help is a hard one, which many seem to struggle with. It is hard to ask for help, it is hard to live in a messy house, it is hard to feel you are doing the right thing for your family if you are just lying around..... Anyway, I spent 3 days doing nothing much and felt a bit better, then commited to resting and not lifting anything, not doing the washing etc etc and slowly slowly I felt better! I did WW exercises a couple of times, and found it felt good.

Something I learnt from this whole experience is often we find it so difficult to ask for help - maybe it is part of the journey?
I am now at the stage I can call it a 'journey', as I have learnt a lot over the past 5 1/2 months, how to care for myself, how to ask for help, how to rest and be patient, how to give myself a break over it all, how to count my blessings. I am feeling better all the time and I just know I will get further improvement. And I hope you will too. Sending you healing thoughts. x

you are so right-we don't ask for help! i am a definite do it aller...still am, but i've learned my limits much more. when this happened i learned i had to ask for help. friends showed up to do the dishes and i let them. i asked people to carry things for me. i still do. i ask people to carry my buggy up stairs, or push it up hills. i look after me, and everyone is happy to help. i mean, i would if i could, why should i assume no one else wants to?
alemama is right--we have to look at our expectations. i often think i need to cook some feast. truth is, kids love cheese on toast and if i put some veg with it, they are happy and have a rounded meal. i make big stews every few weeks, freeze them, and there is my lunch at work every day, minimal effort.

when i found my POP i told everyone close to me. I didn't pretend i was ok. that was crucial to me. i needed everyone to know i was a wreck, so that i could go through it, mourn, and come out the other side having done it properly. and what was amazing was all the stories women told me back, of their bodies not being quite right...i wasn't alone! make sure people know what is going on, so that you have support.

Kiki

Hi Sylvia,
I used to use sea salt as i thought it was better for me but i was looking at some information on the Wikapedia web site and found that sea salt does not contain enough iodine to help human health. So best to stick to table salt. Only veggies grown in iodine rich soils will have iodine in them but i do not know how much. There is a lot of conflicting stuff out there but i trust Wikapedia 90% of the time for its results.

While Wiki is great a lot of the time, remember that it is based on "conventional wisdom", which is not always so wise. I use Portuguese triple sea water washed salt (Eden), but it is true that many ordinary sea salts may not provide the daily requirement.

I thought I would throw this in about iodine. It is copied and pasted, but I have found since using iodine (iodral) supplements my life has changed especially my moodiness and emotions. Along with brain fog and just the feeling of hitting a wall all day.

"Iodine is an essential element. Although its main function is in the production of thyroid hormones by the thyroid gland, other organs in the body have a need for iodine in order to function normally (4).

Several studies have demonstrated a relationship between low iodine intake and fibrocystic disease of the breast (FDB), both in women and laboratory animals (1,2). The minimum amount of iodine required for control and prevention of FDB is equivalent to 0.1mg/kg body weight/day. For example, for a 50 kg woman, the daily amount of iodine would be 5 mg. The thyroid gland needs iodide to function properly. The original study done 80 years ago to control goiter in adolescent girls used 9 mg iodide daily (3).

During the early 1900's, the iodine/iodide solution called Lugol solution was used extensively, effectively and safely in medical practice, for both low activity and above normal activity of the thyroid gland (4). The recommended daily intake for iodine supplementation was 2 to 6 drops of Lugol solution containing 12.5 to 37.5 mg total iodide. That amount was mentioned as lately as 1995 in a book on Pharmaceutical Sciences (5). Several investigators have shown convincing evidence connecting inadequate iodine intake and breast cancer (6). Japanese women living in Japan consumed a daily average of 13.8 mg total elemental iodine and they experience one of the lowest prevalence (risk) for breast, ovarian and uterine cancer (6). In the 1960's, one slice of bread in the USA contained the full RDA of 0.15 mg iodine. The risk for breast cancer was then 1 in 20 (7). Over the last 2 decades, iodine was replaced by bromine in the bread making process. Bromine blocks thyroid function and may interfere with the anticancer effect of iodine on the breast (4). Now, the risk for breast cancer is 1 in 8 and increasing 1% per year (7).

The RDA limits for vitamins and minerals were established after World War II. One of the last essential elements included in the RDA system was iodine, established in 1980 and confirmed in 1989 (8). The RDA for iodine was based on the amount of iodine/iodide needed to prevent goiter, extreme stupidity and hypothyroidism (9). The optimal requirement of the whole human body for iodine has never been studied. Therefore, the optimal amount of this element for physical and mental wellbeing is unknown. Based on demographic studies, the mainland Japanese consumed an average of 13.8 mg daily and they are one of the healthiest people on planet earth (6). Lugol solution is a time-tested preparation with a proven track record for over 150 years. Two drops contain 12.5 mg iodine/iodide, an amount very close to the 13.8 mg average intake of mainland Japanese."

As a low-sodium eater (watching blood pressure), I eat seaweeds for essential minerals such as iodine. (Or "sea vegetables," they're often called now, a bit more upscale a term.) That's one reason why the Japanese are healthy, seaweed is part of their typical diet. Think: nori, the basic wrap of sushi... yum. I gather nori locally on the beaches (living up to my moniker) and it's delicious, but when I don't have time, can also buy at natural food stores or try online at http://www.mountainroseherbs.com/.

Hope things improve for you, Mommaof2!

I thought it was a complex process of pounding and drying. The packaged sheets are so uniform, I figure it's all mechanized these days. If I could gather nori and dulse by the bucket-load, I think I would be in heaven!