Surprises - Bah!

Submitted by gardenboss on April 16, 2011 - 12:14pm
Body: 

I've always thought myself fit and at 56 1/2, daughter out of college and well-employed, my husband (older than I) retiring, I was planning lots of fun time –- going and doing -- things we had put off for too long. And then, two weeks ago, out of the blue, I felt this pressure in my vagina. I can only describe it as feeling all stuffed up.

Immediately, I remembered my mother's vaginal prolapse. The day I took her to the hospital for surgery, I saw 'it' for the first time, hanging OUT. I almost passed out myself. I had no idea! But I never thought it would happen to me. She was in her 70's, nearly 80 in fact. I was physically active, a gardener. I took a 3 mile walk every day with the dogs and husband. I had endurance. Stamina.

But I'm pretty sure this is a bladder prolapse. Nothing is peeking out … yet. I have never felt so nervous and panicked. I have Plans! Baseball tickets for our anniversary. A 7 day girlfriend reunion in New Orleans. I'm not bad-feeling in the mornings and can do our walk still, and I have no pressure feelings while sitting down, but by the evening, when I'm standing to cook supper, I can feel it. And it's so uncomfortable.

But more than anything, I can think of NOTHING else, and I see myself no longer able to do the things I want to do for creeping around afraid my bladder will pop out altogether. It came on so suddenly (even though I understand it was probably a work-in-progress for a while) What's next? How much worse will this get? Will I be able to hold my grandchildren when they come? Can I walk around all day on a vacation? Can I do any gardening?

I've got an appointment with a gynecologist in a couple weeks after several several - many - years of not going. (I developed some doctor phobia I think while caring for my mother for over 20 years. She had emotional issues after my dad died and developed many health problems afterward.) I'm not insured, so I HAVE to try non-surgical methods first, but I guess I need some assessment and monitoring. I'll ask about pessaries.

My last period that required a pad was just before Thanksgiving and since I've had only one very light one. I had 5 periods in 2010, so I'm just inching up on full menopause. Wasn't it enough that my hair is now gray and thinner?

I ask myself "can't you do any better than this?" People deal with much worse. In fact, my mother must have had this feeling for who knows how long and she never said a word about it until she told me she was having a hysterectomy. I have no pain. Nothing but the pressure feeling. But I've had at least two true panic attacks and I'm having a real problem finding something positive to think about.

My dvd bundle came today and I've just finished watching it. I've begun practicing the posture and I'm encouraged about the exercise because I don't want to stop moving. I read about others on this forum who bike, hike, farm, run - and I want to be one of those people. I'm just so scared I'm not going to be able to rise above the discomfort.

Thanks for listening.

csf

April 16, 2011 - 1:21pm

Hugging you, praying for you, and sending you our concern and empathy, Garden Boss. Sorry for the circumstances but glad you found this place!

Oh, how I feel scared, too. I am also recently figuring this out. Found out Monday afternoon, in fact. Scared out of my wits right now. And you said so well so many of the things that I also would have said if I could have known how to express it like you!

I see all my hopes - dashed. : ( I was just thinking life could start over after my husband died. Was just feeling hope and interest again. And was thinking well, 51, is young afterall, I'm just beginning!

Boy, o boy do I wish I had gotten things in order before. Now I have a house full of things I CAN'T put in order. Very big disarray. Even my car.
My dad's house, really, so there he is waiting for me to right it all - and I can't. To me there really seems there IS no life after this. But stronger, more experienced people here say there def is and that we are feeling like this because we are in the early stages.

I have not received the DVD yet so if you have ANYTHING helpful u have learned from that that you don't see here obvisously, i would sooooooo appreciate hearing!!

Today I feel it getting worse. And I feel a lot of odd feelings. Legs falling asleep slightly, my right abdominal side falling asleep for a sec. Weird things like that. I would not notice normally but now it feels like every sec a new, though brief, discomfort.

Today there is no good position. I am terrified to eat, sleep, anything. Oy.

Your post was very nice. Beautifully written. And again, though I am SORRY that something's going on with you - your post somehow helped me. I felt less alone in this new odd world. So thank you for the honest, thoughtful post.

I am too amazed that our mother's didn't complain!! That whole generation must have suffered silently!!

I would like to know just how many women have this. Wouldn't it be amazing if it's ALL of us - and no one's saying anything! lol

At this point, i am like you - no choice but for alternative approach since I don't have insurance. I think I got a job. But how could I do it like this? All day in a chair and walking a lot to go to and from? I don't know if I could do it! But I'd have to go thru that to get the insurance to have an op anyway. I am hearing about women who feel good after op. My question though is how long does that last? I am getting the impression our innards are moving so much that I can see that an op would indeed have OTHER things then moving. Sigh.

Lord, please help us! : )

Thanks again for the post. I am sure all the wonderful women here who are so experienced and encouraging and loving will be writing here soon enough with wonderful things for you to hear. Keep on keepin' on. And people like me will look sooooo forward to your posts, so please keep it up? Thanks!

CSF

marigold2

April 16, 2011 - 3:40pm

hi garden boss and csf

I'm not quite so new to the forum (3 months). And I feel for you both with the discovery that you have a prolapse of some description.

So here are the emotions I went through - very similar to yours. thinking of nothing else, seeing it as the end of all the outdoors activities i enjoy, couldn't do any housework for a couple of days, loads of tears,it was just on my mind so much. Went to my GP (general practitioner) in UK who had me on the couch for about a minute, quick examination and said she would refer me to a urogynacologist. when - waiting list about a year. No advice, except to do pelvic floor exercises. that really didn't help, so I turned to the net. and found the Whole Woman website.

Little by little I have discovered the following>
At first i thought it was a uterine prolapse, but on reading Christine's book and self exam, I discovered it is a rectocele. sometines it keeps inside the vagina, sometimes - in fact more often than not, it is slightly bulging out.

I have turned to the forum for advice about itchiness ( use a probiotic casule or just smear the vagina with natural yoghurt., best position to use the loo (lean forward, never strain, better to wait), how to ease the prolapse back inside (get down and walk a couple of steps on all fours, the I bend over in a sort of prostrate prayer shape) . Should i ride a bike? Yes ( I cycled 40 miles last week). so many questions, but the answers are out there.

The prolapse is no worse. I was pretty rigororous about following the workout on the DVD until last week (got a bit over busy, got a tooth infection and now thank goodness its Easter holidays so can give myself some rest and recoup time). The workout has made me feel a lot better and more aware of my body and its needs.You should be able to carry on working, but make adjustments especially in the area of heavy lifting. I teach, and the prolapse feels draggy and achey legs at the end of the day. Just have to rest more.

You WILL come through this - and will learn a lot of positives on the way. Type in keywords, read the forums, ask the questions. God bless and take care
Marigold2

Sammy

April 17, 2011 - 5:48pm

I know I have said this so many times on this site- I got discouraged and had mesh hold up what they left of my uterus and vagina. The abdominal surgery was awfully painful... it was ok for 2 years but unable to lift anything over 5 lbs by the end of 2 years as my body tried to get rid of this foreign material. Had most of it surgically removed in Feb 2011
I am reading Saving the Whole Woman. It is trully reaching me, having tried one of the permanent surgical treatments and found it to be as foolish as my instincts first sensed.
Of all the health issues that come to us as we age, it is not the worst.
My underarms sag - hardly recognize me- am not surprised that the stretched vagina is sagging (bigtime) Stays in for a few hours in morning... Guess more rest is needed, need to watch my diet(keep aware of contents of bowel and bladder) need to keep weight in check..considerng giving up my job in automotive industry which I do feel lucky to have but am 63 and thinking "self compassion" (It is terribly hard to do a 40 hour week with the pressure and soreness of large prolapse)
I do believe a lot of God fearing women have this and say nothing- acceptance of where they are is their life's faith- wish I had been one of them. I am scheduled for a 2nd MRI on Tues to see where the rest of the mesh in me went to as my body is rejecting (pus like stuff exuding from my vagina) sutures/ mesh with which the specialist treated sag.
It is hard to deal with all that and your partners death- we are amazingly adaptable people- if we allow ourselves to be - when your heart is not quite in it - do what your good sense tells you will need to be done. Do not do anything big until more time passes. Sorry for all your troubles but know this too shall pass- my friend has severe cystocele as well as severe colitis and a wheel chair ridden hubbie and a farm to tend... she has amazing faith and is refreshing to talk to and keeps a keene interest in my troubles.. I have felt honest and helpful feedback from this site and in the spirit that Christine seems to evoke hope that this is real and helpful to you.
Getting our stuff in order is a life long thing- look at all the garage sales there are! We all need to realize it is best if we never let our stuff get overwhelming. I believe the Japanese industry (automotive) is on a ONLY WHAt YOU Need as a quality goal
Thanks for the ear and ((((hugs))))

kiwigirl

April 18, 2011 - 3:40am

I do hope all that clears for you Sammy,you poor darling , I can understand what you say, and have managed to avoid any intervention , though I was on the point of such when I found this site mid last year.I had a little set back 2 weeks ago doing something contrary to what one's prolapse likes.Just wanted to say I am able to dance actively,(3 styles) look after my home and usual running around that we women do.Like everyone here I have my good and not so good days.They are pretty regular too.I have to keep myself focussed , be mindful how I use my body, remind myself about posture a lot, and focus on the postive.Sometimes that feels very hard work! Especially when I don't know anyone around me who manages it naturally, if I speak of it I hear ..can't you get an op for that? why don't you see the doctor etc etc.
Like you my gut feeling has been non intervention.
Welcome Garden Boss,it is a shock when one first notices POP is happening. I am 57, post meno.. no periods for 2 years or more , can't remember....hard to believe eh...my POP is pretty out there, as in showing, if you know what I mean, and I do have days where that's all I think of, but I feel 'Ive come to terms with it, and/or use to it, most of the time ;-) I hope you will get to that place. I watch my posture and I have Christines DVD which I do a few times, and then the short workout that use to be on here and now im waiting for the yoga one- I want to buy that.Our 3 level home and my dancing keeps me active enough really.But Im use to doing more than that before meno. Somehow my body wants to go slower now and rest more.It's hard to say when one's POP started as eg if I look back on my very active exercise life, I did have several incidents that could have contributed to today's outcome so that when I was told I had a partial prolapse 3 days after my 3rd was born, I originally thought that might have been the cause.I feel there are plenty of things in our lives life lifting and shifting very heavy items eg,carrying lots of heavy groceries, decorating , carrying toddlers for too long when we are heavily pregnant with another child.Being a coughing asthmatic as well.But now Im over going over all that, and just have to accept that it has happened and move forward.Whilkst finding the best support and way of managing it.
I'm thinking of you all who have replied here like you Marigold 2. and CSF-Keep asking questions,we all have them, it takes patience , time and a different way of living and looking at your POP.Ive still got into trouble with jeans, and I do like to wear them dancing , at times,so Im reluctantly getting rid of my fitted ones and mostly wear leggings with comfy waists(buy bigger sometimes) and short dresses or long tops, funky boots or whatever the season requires or my mood dictates lol.My close girlfriends say no-one would imagine I had this problem by looking at me.But not so close friends think Im exaggerating my problem....I hope they never have to deal with it as we here do! God help them if they do, is all I can say. I'll be ready to dish out sympathy!!!!!
God bless you all....and keep on smiling :-]