Looking forward to delivery

Well, it must not be that bad, since women keep doing it, right? ;-) I'm 35 weeks with #2, and can honestly say that yes, it is painful, but you get breaks between the pain and have the knowledge that it can only last so long. I didn't think it was so terrible at all! My first birth was at home, drug free, and I found that using the warm water in the birthing tub was very helpful. I've heard other women swear by hypnobabies. Mostly, I think that dispelling fear is the greatest thing you can do to reduce pain -- read positive birth stories here, in Ina May Gaskin's books, or on mothering.com. Lots of great home births (I suggest these because they are generally calm and drug free) to watch on youtube. Better yet, are there any friends giving birth that will let you be there? In the olden days, we probably would have seen dozens of our female relatives and friends birth by our age, and not be so afraid of the unknown. Now, most women go into labor never ever having seen a live birth!

Best wishes!

Labour is hard work- is hard work painful- sometimes.
I did it 2x It was like a flush of pressure like pain and then a soothing wave of no pain no pressure - repeated for a few hours and then the nicest feeling I have ever had as my son wiggled his way out(first baby I had anaesthetic - 2nd I had no pain relief
I was surprised that it took 6 weeks for mu uterus to stop shedding a bit of blood though.

some things I wish I knew before I gave birth: well actually there are a ton a ton a ton!
1. placentas. They are big, bloody and fascinating. I let them throw away my first 2. I had no idea how amazing they are. They can take no time to come out and they can take hours and hours to come out. Do not let anyone rush your placenta or freak you out about it and do not let anyone pull on your baby's umbilical cord. Learn about your placenta- consider doing a print or planting a tree with it or do nothing, either way!
2. postpartum bleeding. You can bleed for up to 6 weeks and you can bleed for just a few days. You can expect clots if you are too inactive. You can expect increased flow if you are too active. Moderation is key. In my experience if you drink a good amount of water each hour, you will need to get up to pee just enough that you won't get big clots.
3. birth; cuts and tears. research has proven that tearing is better than cutting. But avoid it all together by holding back when your baby's head and shoulders are birthing. Nice and easy. Breathe.
4. wanting it to end, giving up. Let me promise you that just when you want to give up, that's right when it's almost over. You can do it.
5. pain. it's all in your head :) birth is an intense experience. I just had my eardrum burst and it was about 3,000 times more painful than any of my births. Birth is productive. It's intense. But it feels right. Your body was made to birth your baby. Your body knows this. The pain your feel during childbirth doesn't even need to be considered pain- the idea of pain calls to mind a negative emotional status. Birth pain is not like that at all. It may hurt, but if you can get your head out of they way, you may find your body enjoying the experience. You will be totally in the moment.
6. meeting your baby for the first time. There are a range of emotions that are completely normal to feel. Some women birth a baby and just feel relief that it's over. I felt that with one of my births and some women hold their baby for the first time and it's love at first sight and everything else melts away. I've felt that too. It's all alright.
7. postpartum recovery. expect your body to take at least 2 years to return to it's new state, which will be different than the old you- but really, trust me, it can be good.
8. postpartum sex. No need to rush it. If you feel like trying it- go for it. If you don't, that's fine too. Show your love to your partner how ever you choose.
9. Nursing. If you want to nurse, just know that it may be uncomfortable. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It can also all just work out beautifully. Use a topical lanolin product if your nipples crack and bleed.
10. postpartum rest. Get some. I always rest. Taking care of your body and your baby is all the up and down you need to be doing. I make a nest for me and the baby. I put in it a big water bottle, snacks, diapers, wipes, books, and the phone and then I just chill out for a few days. Oh and I stock my bathroom with different kinds of pads too.
11. the fussy baby. I really don't think it's healthy for a new baby to cry and cry and cry. If your baby is not happy, there may be something wrong. Don't let anyone make you second guess your own intuition or write you off as a worried first time mom. On that same note- so many things are normal- funny things like, new born baby's pop sometimes- that was crazy to me. Just trust yourself.
12. parenting advice. oh my gosh. would you believe this starts from the minute your baby is born? Someone is going to try to tell you how to parent your child. Even your pediatrician will do this. Just smile and nod and then go back to doing it your way. Let your baby be your teacher.
13. postpartum depression. it happens. get help if it doesn't go away. I alway have the milk blues at about day 3. I've learned to keep visitors away until after that goes away (and it takes me about a week). If I don't, the stress of it makes the depression worse.
14. birth trauma, birth rape. You can avoid these. You are in charge of your body, you say who touches you and how.
15. The labor. It can start and stop for days and days. No big deal. It's all part of the process of getting you there. No rush. No worry. Your baby will come.
16. AROM. don't let them do this to you. Let your water break when it breaks on it's own.
17. clothing you and baby. I wear yoga pants after I just have a baby. The stretch is nice and supportive to my jiggly belly. On top I wear either button up or low cut V necks and a sleep nursing bra. So comfy. I like to keep my baby right on my skin for a week or so and I wear shirts that I can put the baby in with me :)

I'm sure I've missed a ton of important stuff. I hope you are reading and learning. You have a few months left right?

What bad mirror said about watching/hearing other women birth - so important. If we knew what to expect, the noises the grimaces, etc, it wouldn't be so scary. We would know that it's gonna be one heck of an intense experience, but that we will get through it. If you're going the hospital way, don't take any pain medication. No pethidine/demerol, no laughing gas, nothing. It just messes with your perception and makes things more difficult to cope with.

Today is the 45th birthday of my twin sons and my mind has been on their birth all day. Your post is so beautiful to me and resonates with so many issues and thoughts I had back then. I so wish I had known someone like you instead of being managed by everyone who came thru the door! I went to the hospital so full of joy, but had the most brutal care imaginable. They laid me back on the delivery table, dropped my legs over the side and tied my legs and arms to the table legs, and no I was not hysterical, although being tied down like that nearly made me so. They put me to sleep while the first one came then were surprised there was another one in there. I awoke to a nurse shoving and pushing hard on my stomach to get the second child out. By the grace of God, we all three lived thru that and more!!

Bless you for your honesty, kindness and willingness to point out so many specific things to all these potential mothers. I hope everyone pays attention to you.

Love and hugs,
Grandma Joy

Hi Gracious

Chickaboom's post reflects on my attitude towards things I am scared of, or are unknown to me. We have so many wonderful technologies for allowing us into the world of others that it would be a shame not to take advantage of all the women in your life who have birthed, footage and descriptions on the Net to familiarise you with the experience of labour and birthing. (No way I would have had a camera in there while I was birthing!)

Some women will use the opportunity to scare the living daylights out of you, rather than inform you. "Oh, Geez! Gotta go!" is an appropriate exit strategy. ;-)

I was like a vacuum cleaner for this information way before the Net. It was there but the processes of getting my hands on it were more cumbersome. I did find my local Nursing Mothers' Association of Australia group library very useful. Equivalents are Susu Mamas, La Leche League etc. Back in the 1980's Sheila Kitzinger http://wholewoman.com/library/?p=419 and Janet Balaskas http://www.activebirthcentre.com , were my two favourite authors, and Bill Sears and Stephen Biddulph for parenting. Biddulph was a little later, but the others are still household word, which says something for their wisdom. Just reading Sheila Kitzinger's website still sends tingles up my spine!!

Taking your own labour and birth into your own hands, whether at home, at a birth centre or in a hospital is an important mind set in the runup to labour and birthing. You need to do this perceptively and without arrogance, but be prepared to stand your ground and have someone with you with whom you have intuitive communication, who can stamp their foot too if necessary, and let you get on with labouring and birthing. There are times when you need to listen to doctors and midwives. This is why you need a good relationship and open communication with them right up to, and during, labour and birth. When you are in a hospital, like it or not, you have to be party to some of their protocols, but a lot of their protocols are bluff, for their own convenience. You can often sort out the wheat from the chaff with a prior visit, and speaking with the staff on the Labour Ward. Get permission for specific things you might want, so they cannot reasonably refuse on the day. You can then say honestly that you have permission adn they are not really likely to trawl the records to check. Sometimes you just have to wing it, and do a bit of bluffing yourself! They can only say no, but may be prepared to compromise if you are reasonable. The above is probably only relevant to a hospital birth, but is worth dsaying anyway.

I was told by my obstetrician that I *had* to have an epidural to keep my blood pressure down during my first labour, when I had pre-eclampsia. I knew this was life-threatening for both me and the baby, but was never really happy with it, and I still wonder how much of my 'fully-managed' labour was overkill (immobility for the whole labour, no sensation at all, stirrups, forceps, big episiotomy). I was very much the passive party, a mere observer of the birth of my first baby. I still resent it. Lying on the stage in the Theatre was not the highlight of the pregnancy or having the baby. Nevertheless, life is not perfect. If only I had the Internet with all those wonderful 'Having Babies' Forums and information sites, it could have been so different. But the baby is now 29 and a gorgeous human being. I love him very much. The obstetrician is now long retired and out of my life.

Thankfully we had two more babies in much more harmonious settings, both in hospitals, the third being my swansong of assertiveness with an ultimately voiceless Head Midwife at a country hospital, who made sure I was growled at the following morning for having the baby in bed with me. Needless to say I took care of that too, having morphed into a powerful tigress as a result of my victorious and joy filled birth.

Labour. Yes, there was pain. It hurts. But I was ready for it, and managed to welcome each contraction in a relaxed and progressive way. The others are right. If you treat it as pain it will feel like pain and tense you up. If you treat it as contractions and uncomfortable and predictable pressure, that's all it is. You will probably reach a point, as Alemama says, when you just want to throw the whole thing in and walk away towards the end of first stage. This too is a labour stage, kind of like 1A. It is called Transition. It heralds second stage, the actual birth part. Transition passing is a great relief, and you can re-gather your resources for the crowning and birth.

You ride each contraction like a big wave that comes down on top of you when body surfing. If you can't get over the top before it breaks you just turn sideways with your leading arm up and let the white water buffet you. If it is too big for that you just bob down or dive through it, and let it move you, and come out the other side, just like every contraction, and have a rest before the next one.

Each contraction gets you closer to holding your baby. Welcome each one and help them keep coming along by being active in first stage. You will need the will to go through the pain, rather than blocking it out, and good relaxation, visualisation, distraction and breathing techniques. It is a creative process, not pain that signals damage and inability. And you will ultimately have a wonderful reward for your labour. That's why it is called Labour. It is hard, but not nearly as hard as some of the other things that life hands out when they are growing up. I would give birth again in a flash. It is one of life's most wonderful experiences!

I really like Alemama's nest idea. Now your pregnancy is getting closer to the end you will probably go into preparation mode. This may be why you posted about being a bit scared of giving birth. It has given you the opportunity to have a look at what is going on inside your brain, and prepare your brain too. Many women find themselves irrationally painting rooms, making unnecessary christmas cakes, sorting through cupboards and other environment organising behaviours. These urges might be better utilised in making yourself a postpartum nest in your home and equipping it with your immediate needs while baby is new. You can also use it for cooking and freezing meals and stocking the pantry with essentials for easy meals for the first three months. If you must paint, then paint.

Wishing you well, and we'll be watching your progress with great expectation. It is so exciting having all these pregnant 'friends' to watch and have conversations with. It has been a long time. My daughter is not up to babies yet. It keeps this old crone occupied in the meantime.

Louise

Hi Gracious,

I'm late to post as usual, but I'm so pleased for you as I know you were advised that conception would be difficult, and look at you now.

Just one thing to add to those other wise women- please remember that childbirth is not an exam you have to pass, and it's different for every woman and with every birth. I had a wonderful delivery with my first and a bad experience with my second, but I really regret that I beat myself up about the second delivery for years, and was full of feelings of anger at the midwife and a sense of failure in myself. I had to remind myself that at the end of it my daughter and I were both alive and well. Yes, natural childbirth is best, most of the time, and most women sail through it. However, medical intervention is sometimes necessary and does save lives - that's why we're lucky to live in the first world.

Pain - I wouldn't agree that it's all in the head - some births are a lot more painful than others - but it's not constant, and it is worth it. I would say that having a burst ovarian cyst, and a horrendous headache with the swine flu, were both a whole lot more painful than my worst birth, and I'd go through that again in a heartbeat if I was younger, and if it was the right time for us to have another child ( or four!). In fact I still dream about childbirth and wake up disappointed that I'm not having any more.

Just feel proud that you've brought a new person into the world, and don't measure yourself against other women's experiences.

Hugs

Doubtful

hi gracious
would you believe that I love labor? I do, its probably the most awesome thing I have ever done, and we only have the opportunity a handful of times (give or take a few), which makes it all the more precious.
does it hurt?
well my first hurt the most because I was unprepared and panicky.
my second didnt hurt at all until he got stuck, I attribute that to reading up on the bradley technique beforehand and having a doula.
third and fourth were longer and more intense but I wouldnt say 'painful' so I thought I had it in the bag with number five but YOWZERS that hurt. I know the whole 'pain is in your head' thing but really, I used some language as she crowned that I didnt even know I knew.
the up side is that the intense pain was only a few seconds long during the last few contractions. if you know that's all it is, no biggie, you can handle it!
and the adrenaline rush is not to be described! what a high afterwards! my advise...dont let it scare you. it will be awesome. YOU will be awesome. once the baby is born, s/he is center stage. but during labor and birth, its all about you, mama! enjoy!

Sorry, can I clarify? I meant that what you do with the pain, how you process it, is in your head. I wasn't for one minute suggesting that a woman imagines the pain of childbirth or that she can think it away!

My second and third births were definitely painful, very painful, but I managed to somehow process the pain in my head and not let myself panic about it. I knew that *the* way was through it. It was just a par t of the process, and that it would end eventually.

L

I'll clarify a little too. Birth is one of those experiences that physically we are made to do. We tend to complicate things by feeling anxious about the pain that may come. That anxiety and sometimes even fear can send very confusing messages to the body during labor. When a woman approaches labor with confidence and calm assurance the body is able to produce the exact hormone cocktail the laboring mother needs to feel awesome during and after the birth.
Where there is pain during labor the body is telling the laboring mom something important. Maybe it's to shift positions, maybe it's to apply counter pressure- and ultimately the intense sensations you feel during labor tell you that very soon your baby will be born. Imagine if you felt no sensations at all- then you would be like the woman who wears white pants out and about only to start her period that day. It would not be safe to labor without intensity.
I maintain that horrible labor pain is not necessary. Intense sensations, yes- but it isn't what I would call pain. Many women enjoy labor and some even have orgasms during birth.

This is lovely news to hear, Gracious. And it is lovely to hear a first time Mum who has had a satisfying birth experience. It will be interesting to hear how you are going POP-wise.

Louise

I am so happy for you, Gracious. This really is one of our more beautiful threads...the post-prolapse-post-partum moms and others coming together to reassure you of your impending success. And now this glorious news of a blessed birth and baby. Thank you so much for letting us know how it all turned out.

Remember the Whole Woman work for the rest of your life, as pelvic organ support is a postural system.

Hugs from Christine

thank you for updating us, and sharing the news of your daughter's birth!
I am so happy for you that it all went well. Enjoy your sweet baby girl : )

I had about 12 inches of bowel surgically removed as I had a fainting episode and some pains in my stomach. The surgeon wanted to do this and I was too tired to say no .I have a bowel prolapse. Now I also have something coming out of my vagina and I have to hurry to the toilet as soon as possible. I think my bladder has prolapsed at the moment. The tests I am having are making me so tired. I wish I hadn't told anyone anything and maybe I would be OK. I knew this was a stupid thing to have done but I hope to recover soon.

Hi Cleo, so sorry to hear of your recent troubles. What was the diagnosis that resulted in having a section of bowel removed? Do you have diverticulitis? - Surviving