My post POP postpartum

Hey Badmirror

I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. I feel so much for you. You know it will get better again, and that you will probably have a few difficult months. Your body is getting over a pregnancy and birth. (Stroke, stroke) It will take time for all those tissues to shrink back again.

I think we are really in quite a different head space with a new baby. It is like we zoom right in on quite a narrow beam that encompasses Mom and baby in a very exclusive bubble. I have often said that birthing a child takes you through a doorway that you cannot go back through. It is as if we have to reconnect again with the realities we know from the past. What is inside the bubble, ie POP gone, is reality at the time, but everyone else's and our own personal experience tells us that it will be back before you can manage it away again after the post-pregnancy reversion has happened.

No, I don't think you are insane for thinking it would be gone for good, but I do think your Mommy-brain, and your positive attitude, may have been pllaying tricks on you. As you said in the Prayers topic. Just Be. Ponder on the wonder your body has done, and how it is going back to normal slowly. The future will take care of itself in time.

Louise

Hi dearie...

BIG hugs and yes, of course you are disappointed. I remember we went through this with our very first WW baby and postpartum mom, Fullofgrace. Like you, she was so very brave and throughout her pregnancy we visualized her cystocele actually being pushed forward by the birth, and staying there. After a beautiful birth she thought that would be the case, until it fell back again.

If you think about this, how can it be otherwise? Your round ligaments are stretched, as is much of the rest of your pelvic interior. Can you feel your cervix? It will take at least six months - probably closer to a year - for full involution to take place. It is a slow process to move everything forward, but take reassurance from the fact that Alemama and Gmom have done it repeatedly.

No matter how difficult symptoms become, there is nothing to do but "Be" (as Louise said) in our natural shape. It is the only thing that offers ultimate stability.

Here is a little offering I found in the Special Collections section of our medical library, which I hope will cheer you up. Btw, this room is such a trip! It is enclosed in glass and you must make an appointment with the Special Collections librarian. You sit down and tell her what you’d like to study and she disappears downstairs and returns with an arm load of ancient books. She carefully sets them down on the table and gives you a pair of white cotton gloves that must be worn during handling. I’ve found the most amazing information there!

“It is well known, but should be more constantly borne in mind, that the obliquity of the female pelvis is so great that, when a woman stands erect, a vertical line representing the axis of the body will, in its descent, touch the anterior surface of the 3rd lumbar vertebra, and, falling into the pelvis, will strike against the bodies of the ossa pubis. It necessarily results that the pressure transmitted through the intestines, occupying the lower part of the abdomen, must be in the same direction and therefore their direct impulse is against the pubis. It follows also that this pressure of the superincumbent viscera does not impinge directly on the top or fundus of the uterus in situ, but on its posterior surface. The tendency, therefore, of all the pressure from above, the accumulative weight of the superincumbent viscera, assisted by the powerful contractile effort of all the muscular parieties of the abdomen, is to push the fundus of the uterus directly forward towards the pubis and of course to produce the ascent of the cervix uteri towards the hollow of the sacrum, in other words, to cause ‘anteversion’. But, the presence of the bladder and small intestines in front of the broad ligaments prevent the forward proclivity of the fundus; and packet of intestines behind, in the cul-de-sac of the peritoneum, between the rectum and vagina, prevent the ascent of the cervix. In other words, the displacement of the uterus, when the organs are healthy and in a natural position, is resisted by the very weight and pressure from above, which, under other circumstances, might and often does, cause its displacement. Such are the admirable provisions made for the sustentation of the uterus. They are, indeed, so effectual that no bad effects usually result among healthy and laborious women, whether in savage or civilized life, though they are daily on their feet for many hours, and are constantly making great muscular effort in their various occupations.”

Diseases Peculiar to Women Including Displacements of the Uterus, by Hugh L Hodge MD 1860.

Notice he says not a word about a “pelvic floor”, but describes pelvic organ support as a postural process.

Lots of love and hugs,

Christine

blablabla- now tell me about that baby! ok just kidding. My baby is too big already- She's grabbing everything in reach and chewing on everything she can. These past 4 months have just flown right on by.
You are doing all the right things and everything is going to be amazing. No more touching the dark- it's cunning and would love for you to visit a little longer!
Here is my advice. No more thinking about prolapse until your lochia stops totally for 3 days straight.
Until then, keep doing all the right things.
Your body is strong. Your body is perfect. Your body grew another human!! Now rest up and feed your body and stay healthy! No stress allowed.

Ps. what does your toddler think of it all? How are you adjusting to two? I've always had the blissful luck of my toddler just loving the baby (nearly to death at times) and now worries of displacement etc. I know it isn't always that way-but this time around has been extra special. Our big 2 year old loves his baby sister so much and if she even squeaks he's telling me she needs to nurse (and if I don't nurse her right away he will cry for her!).
Much love to you mama! It's all just one big crazy roller coaster ride.

all hail the little offering! incredible.

Oh Badmirror, I am so glad that some women have cloth diapers to fold. They are a story in themselves. I used to just love bringing in an armload straight off the line and sitting down to fold them, ignoring everything else. That big square can be folded so many ways, depending on gender and size of baby, even two together for night time when they are bigger. It is a really meditative process if you are into making a thing into something else, and like using your hands. It is so satisfying to have a big pile of them ready for use.

Twenty four years after the last nappy wearer moved into jocks full time I still have a few hanging around, with stuff wrapped up in them, or for wrapping veges to keep them away from plastic. They are a link with my past, all soft and tattered now, but still working.

Louise

Dear Louise,

What a sweet story.

I still treasure one pair of cloth padded first undies from my daughter. Was using the training undies as a good soaking up rag, but no more, it is now clean again, and to be preserved for ..... I am not sure yet.

Hugs,

Oceanblue

((((((bad_mirror))))))
just going to echo what was already said
this is really to be expected and it will resolve.
you are doing all the right things, just continue to do so and have faith in your body.
boy heaven is a brilliant place to be. in the mornings, my big boy (10) brings his baby sister to me when she wakes up and within 10 min I have all three of my boys in bed with me (baby prefers to climb on daddy). talk about boy heaven!
enjoy your family, dont waste time/energy worrying about the prolapse. its there. it sucks. and it will get better. 'nuff said.

and ::::mmmmmmm::::: @ the cloth diapers. we're no longer using cloth, I miss it!!

Thank you for your update bad mirror! I personally would love to keep hearing how well your doing as it gives me hope that I too can improve. I'm a little over 3 mths pp and I think I'm seeing improvements but I'm not getting to excited just yet. May you continue to see improvement. I Look forward to hearing how your doing.

Nicki x

Hi BadMirror

This sounds like you are going through absolutely normal progress. Even I surprise myself sometimes. One minute my bladder is there, next minute it is gone. I have now reached the stage where I am no longer scared to let my body get into a 'bad' position occasionally, like leaning back in the shower to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. Whoops! Hello bladder! Then a few firebreaths and it has gone again. Carry microwave outside to plug into generator to thaw out meat for dinner (don't ask - power outages - thunderstorms - mosquitoes - keep the screen doors shut properly). Whoops! Hello bladder. Get on with preparing dinner, wearing head torch. Goodbye bladder. (Stands there in the dark, wondering why it is so soothing, standing at the kitchen bench cutting up veges with only a beam of light coming from my forehead. Thinks, "I feel my melatonin levels skyrocketing. All very woo-woo. This is good. ")

BadfMirror, I will be particularly interested in your uterus being now retroverted. I cannot see how it will want to go back to being retroverted unless you get a lung condition that makes you cough chronically, or get chronically constipated, or decide to be Slouching Susie for the rest of your life. It is wonderful progress you are making. You now seem to be over the 3 month low period. I am sure it will go well for you now. I hope going back to work doesn't throw your POP's into a spin. Take care.

One thing for sure, I haven't felt my cervix for about a year now! I suppose it is still there. Oh yeah, must be. PAP smear a few months ago. This is the cervix that was peeking out a few years ago. Never to be seen again, methinks.

Congratulations, BadMirror. This thread is being promoted to the Experienced Members Stories Forum. You have come so far. Looking forward to hearing the next exciting episode.

Newbies, believe this woman. She has faith in her body. You will get that back too.

Louise

I have not read the rest of the posts in this thread but want to thank you for your initial post. It describes exactly how I feel. I was not even thinking about my prolapse anymore (although it was still there but not symptomatic) and BAM it came back and symptomatic after this birth. I am also going down that road again that I did before mentally and didn't want to. It gives me comfort to know this is normal regardless of my efforts to head it off.

Hi again, I have not been on in a long while, keeping busy with life! My POP had behaved for the later part of the pregnancy, my belly was big enough to really hold the POP in. Well I am one week PP and my old friend decided to say hello again, and it has brought the same dreaded feelings back. I kept posture and thought as well it would stay in place for me again but here I am. I had a nice home water birth, only one push, I tried to breathe the baby out, but I guess my body took over. He is the sweetest little bundle, the kids are in babymoon, as well as my husband, but I am in silly tears about my stupid POP. I know from other posts, it takes time, but right now it is sooo emotionally draining to be at this point again. Just my ramblings, needed someone to tell who knows this feeling. Now to go nurse!

It's a boy. Well, looks like you won first prize. With the return of your old friend, (she's just letting you know, you could not have done it without her) relax and go with the flow and keep up the posture. And don't go too far away. Wish you and baby and family well.

Congrats Agnus on wonderful sweet baby boy! Yeah, pp can be a rollercoaster in oh so many ways. As fab says - just stay with it! Prolapse-wise you may be all over the place for awhile. Do not be discouraged, there are so many moms here who have been down your path. Please stop by here when you can. - Surviving

Thanks for the encouraging words, I know it will be up and down, hormones and all playing so much in this role as well. Didn't have the blues on day four which is my norm, I guess I was so excited that I felt so good POP wise, but they sure rolled when she came back. I guess I needed a good cry. I feel better today already thinking about how much support I have on this forum! And what's more he has only woke 3 times each night at 12, 3, and 6 for feeding, and been down again in a half hour. So I am getting such an amount of rest, compared to the last three kids as babes. Such little miracles, one moment they are tucked safely in your womb, and the next you are holding them in your arms, such a miracle. And oh so beautiful! I guess I am in babymoon as well!

You are right, right now it seems emotionally draining. Maybe you even thought that if you did everything right this time around it might even be better than it was, not to mention you had the wonderful experience of pregnancy making things better.
Listen, you can take this advice or leave it (and I know you needed to vent and were not asking for advice) but it is what it is. This prolapse thing has the potential to send you into a postpartum tailspin of depression- but no matter how you choose to feel about it, it's there and how you feel about it will not change that in any way. If you can find a way to make your peace with the current state of affairs your next few months can be joyful instead of fraught. There is so much time and everything!! is on your side. You know all the right things to do, the wrong things to avoid and you know that it can and will get better.
Congratulations on the wonderful birth and healthy baby!
It helps if you develop a mantra that you say to yourself when you feel the physical sensation of prolapse.
You could try "thank you for reminding me you are there, I'm not going to worry about just you right now, I'm going to focus on my postpartum healing, including my heart space"
or "there you are! I'm doing all I can right now to take good care of my body, you included"
or " I feel that bulgy feeling again, I'm going to choose to focus on my breathing for 10 breaths"
or "I feel that uncomfortable feeling, I'm going to lie down for a while and read this interesting book"

Wonderful news of your new baby. You do sound pretty happy about it.

Yes, each of our bodies comes out of pregnancy in a different state, and often different after each baby. You have received very good advice. Keep doing what you know is right. You are only 1 week pp!!! Give yourself a break. Just enjoy your baby with your family, and take every offer of help for the next few weeks and months. You have two years of reversion before you feel as good as it gets.

Sometimes I think new Mums are in a different head space from later on. We focus so much on the baby and so much on the now, and getting through each day with all heads on pillows, asleep at the end of each day, that we lose perspective of anything past tomorrow. If this is you, don't fret. This baby too will crawl, and walk and talk and generally grow up, and you will see a bigger picture, sooner or later. I am sure that you are doing just fine

Louise.

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I have read many posts by you two as well Granolamom, bad_mirror, kiwisarasha, chickaboom, kiko and lots of others. Yesterday was good, today a little lower, or fuller. And I do know how easy it would be to not smile and be a grump about this problem, but I won't.

I have not yet thought of a postitive statement but will by tonight! Carol from PA also has encouraged me to find a positive mantra, she has really helped me alot through this pregnancy so far. If anyone lives near to her, I highly recommend her.

Thanks for the congratulations as well from everyone, and I will let you know how things are going in the weeks ahead!

Now that I am done with pregnancy, I find it so much harder to relax the belly. Being pregnant and relaxing it is easy, it is actually hard to suck it in, so I had that on my side, this is proving to be a bit trickier not pregnant. The breathing is okay, but I think my new mantra for now will be

'POP thanks for reminding me to relax my belly'

Thanks again!

Hi Agnus, belated congratulations! Hope your mantra is helping with the belly relaxation. I love what Louise says above about the head space of new mums - those early pp days seemed so epic to me, it was so hard to look ahead to even a week later let alone imagine that so many things would be so much better even a few months on, and keep getting better too. My wishes are for you to be able to enjoy this time without the state of your POP intruding on it too much.

So excited to see you dropping in! And your news is the best. Your story has been inspiring, especially to young prolapsed women with kids and careers who need someone to show them how to just carry on and live to the fullest. Love love love hearing from you. Hope you have time to drop in now and again. - Surviving

hi bad_mirror, and congrats on the new baby!!
great to hear from you : )

Great to hear from u bad-mirror! Congrats on the freshly baked bundle. I notice there's over 3 yrs btwn last birth and this birth -at what point did the prolapse become a non issue??