Newbie Question about Intimacy with Prolapse

Submitted by fullofhope on August 31, 2011 - 6:46pm
Body: 

Hi There,

I am new to the forum; actually new to the prolapse world. I am 31 years old and just had my first child--a beautiful daughter--8 weeks ago. I had a natural childbirth in the hospital with a midwife assisting and no interventions. I pushed for 75 minutes. No tearing. I was thrilled with the process and thought my body came through great.

I looked good "down there" at my 2 week postpartum check up, but shortly thereafter, starting having urinary incontinence and an increasing sensation of heaviness in my vagina that seemed counter to my supposed healing.

At my 6 week check up the midwife was surprised to see that I have "moderate cystocele and rectocele." I'm going to a gynecologist to confirm the diagnosis this coming Friday, but I am confident that her assessment is accurate. I finally had the courage to look in a mirror yesterday and was APPALLED to see the state of my vagina. It looks like it's turning inside out and there is significant tissue from the vaginal walls being pushed down and out by my bladder and rectum. I am devastated, as everyone new to this world is.

I immediately hit the internet, found this website, and ordered the Christine's book and DVD. I tore through the book, which is an amazing, amazing collection of information that cannot be found anywhere else...and I am doing the DVD exercises daily and trying to be mindful of staying in the posture 24/7.

I have taken it upon myself to educate those around me as best I can. I leant the book to the nurse midwifery practice who delivered my daughter, because they told me "kegels" would help, and I want them to educate themselves about the condition. Now I have leant the book to my pelvic PT who I also am striving to educate so that she ceases practicing under old assumptions and possibly harming her patients.

I'm sure I will be posting many questions in the coming months as I learn about this condition, the posture, and natural management of symptoms, BUT TODAY MY QUESTION IS THIS:

How does intimacy work with cystocele and rectocele? Simply put: I am terrified to have sex. If Christine, Louise, or anyone else would be kind enough to chime in and let me know how this works, I would greatly appreciate it.

I am so scared of not only pain with intercourse, but of possibly damaging my body further...is that possible? I don't know if my husband's body might "hit" or "poke" my bladder or rectum (through the vaginal walls) and injury these organs?

Pardon if my questions/worries seem over-the-top, but I am over-the-top nervous and squeamish about the new state of my body.

Any and all input would be appreciated, ladies.

Many thanks,
Jenny

granolamom

August 31, 2011 - 8:06pm

hi jenny
congrats on the new baby and welcome to the site (though I'm sorry you had reason to seek us out)
your concern re sex is not over the top, many, many women have asked the same question.
so here's the thing, if you take things slowly and communicate, you will not damage anything. personally, I havent ever found sex to be in the least bit physically uncomfortable with prolapse (emotional stuff in my head, another story). if anything bumps into your cervix, that could probably be uncomfortable so you say so and move into a more comfortable position. sex will not make prolapse worse.
many of us have found that sex actually helps reposition things (in a good way).
but if you're still worried, schedule some foreplay only, see how it feels and take it from there.
but there is no physical reason a woman with a prolapse should avoid sex (at least none that I know of)

aside from that, sounds like you are well on your way to getting your prolapse under control. and kudos to you for educating those around you.

enjoy that sweet new baby girl!

fullofhope

August 31, 2011 - 9:25pm

Thanks so much, granolamom. very reassuring to hear your thoughts/experiences.

bad_mirror

August 31, 2011 - 11:54pm

Hi,
I can tell from your "voice" that you are going to be very successful with this work! The healing can be very slow going, so don't get discouraged -- one day you just realize how far you've come and how your life is better than you could have imagined. 8 weeks pp is so very early in the journey!
I bet postpartum sex is kind of scary, even without POP. For me, the mental aspect of POP was more worrisome than the physical; granolamom is right that the POP cannot be worsened by sex. Some advice I found helpful was "lubricate and inebriate". Use a good lube and consider pumping your milk for the baby while you enjoy a glass of wine. I'm sure you'll find things go as well as before. Best wishes, looking toward to hearing your updates of progress!

louiseds

September 1, 2011 - 1:33am

All very sound advice so far. Just remember that you are only 8 weeks postpartum, and your genital area still a bit unorganised. Don't be in a hurry if you are not ready. Talk with your partner about it too. He is no doubt worrying that he will never have sex with you again. Not true. He is probably worried that giving birth has made you deformed. Also not true. It will take about 2 years for your body to completely revert after pregnancy and birth. Reassure him suitably.

You will probably find that having a look at your undercarriage from some different angles will yield different information. Bending forward in sitting position will give any postpartum woman an unexpected shock because the pelvis will be tilted back and the abdominal contents will be squashing out the bottom. Not nice!

Try firebreathing position with lumbar curve in place and relaxed belly, hands on knees, with your butt towards the mirror and have a look between your legs or over your shoulder. I think you will literally feel your pelvic organs slipping back deep inside you and disappearing from view. If you are inclined towards penetrative sex use a variation of this position, either astride your partner face to face, or entry from the back, either kneeling, or hips on a pillow lying down. Use plenty of lube, as you are probably breastfeeding and have a menopausal style dry vagina, and lotttttttttttttsssssss of foreplay, which every woman deserves all the time!

Have fun.

BTW, be vigilant about Checkarama, aka the urge to check your vulva daily or more often. Looking regularly won't make it more normal more quickly. It just scares the bejeezers out of you, and can develop into somewhat of an unhealthy and unhelpful obsession. Hence the weird name for it. Thankyou, MeMyselfandI for the name. You are only allowed to use a mirror once a fortnight maximum, preferably less often. Otherwise you will not even notice the changes, or be able to assess them properly because your vulva will change over the duration of a day, and some days you will inadvertently do something silly and make it worse for a day or two. It will recover again. Progress can be up and down, Just don't look. There are some things you should never tell your Mum. There are some things you shouldn't look at too often.

:-)

Louise

Daphne11

September 4, 2011 - 3:15pm

First of all, I'm stunned at the realization that these issues we deal with are so neglected in the women's care world. I'm new to this site and don't have any positive comments yet as I am just beginning to come to terms with vaginal pain.
Your body is young and I wish you all the good health and healing that is available in the universe.
Daphne