Feel like my world is ending...

Submitted by Rox on January 10, 2012 - 10:50pm
Body: 

Hi ladies, I'm a 34 year old single mum, and have just been diagnosed with a prolapsed bladder.

I find it difficult to leave the house, too paranoid that I'll have a massive leak, or that it will just "fall out". I know that it can't technically do that, but having gone from a normal life just 6 weeks ago to this is really messing with my head.

I have read through some posts on this forum through blurry eyes, I can't help but wonder where my world is heading. I've just spent 3 years at Uni to be a nurse, which is now useless as I can't stand for more than 15 minutes. I have also just met a great guy and am working up the courage to tell him to go find someone that isn't broken. This thing is ruling my life, and I really don't think I can go on having to deal with this. It's the last thing I think of when I go to bed, and the first thing I think of when I wake up.

Please help me to change my way of thinking. I don't know how to do it on my own.

Forum:

Surviving60

January 11, 2012 - 9:03am

Welcome and don't panic. We have all been in that scary place!

You need to immerse yourself in the information available on this website and forum, and in Christine's book/DVD if you are able. There is so much to know, and so many women in your shoes who are here to help you through it. Learn about Whole Woman posture and put it into practice every waking moment. This isn't a quick fix, but a new way to live your life and manage your symptoms. You're not broken! Think "whole woman"! - Surviving60

Want To be Whol...

January 11, 2012 - 12:41pm

Good advice to Rox, Surviving60. I wasted far too much time worrying when I first discovered my prolapse. This energy is better spent on gathering information and this site is a very good place to start.

bad_mirror

January 11, 2012 - 1:04pm

Sorry, I only have a second -- track me and the posts I've written since discovering my cystocele three years ago. Since then, I went to nursing school, had another baby, got a job, and have just about reversed my prolapse completely. I am 34 too. You will be fine if you do the right things and have patience and faith in your body. Oh, and your man will not be able to tell, most likely. Best wishes!!

louiseds

January 12, 2012 - 3:11am

Hi Rox

Hang in there, my dear. Progress can be slow, but you will improve a lot once you learn to use your body differently. Deep grief is what you are suffering for all you think you have lost forever. You haven't lost anything. You are still the same person. You just need to understand your body in a whole new way. Your grief will resolve eventually, and you will begin to trust your body again.

I would put off dismissing your new man. If he is worth it, he will be patient with you. He won't even be able to tell the difference in the sex department. Men are like that. It doesn't feel any different to them. What he wants is a confident, well, sexy, honest, sober, truthful, etc woman by his side. You work on those. We will help you to come to grips with your prolapses, pack them up and put them away again.

How old is your child?

Did anything in particular happen to bring on your prolapses?

Rox

January 12, 2012 - 5:21pm

Thanks for your replies, ladies. It means so much. I thought I was the only person on the planet with this stupid thing.

I have 2 children, they are 7 and almost 6. My eldest was 8 days early, 10pound 9 ounces, forceps, lots of tearing (naturally, although I'm not sure how much difference that makes compared to an episiotomy). My son was brought on 2 weeks early due to the size of his sister and was 9 pound 5 ounces. I'm blaming them. Little monsters!

My biggest issue is that I was feeling really, well, 'normal', until about a month before Christmas. I went to the movies, jumped up too fast at the end and felt like someone had stabbed me in or around my appendix. This is when my troubles really started (the blam is therefore shifted to Edward Cullen - but how could you not forgive THAT!)

The pain lasted, but only when I was urinating, I went to the doc, got her to test me for everything under the sun - STDs, Urine, pap Smear - everything came bakc perfectly normal. Then I just felt like I was going to wet myself constantly, started to go to the bathroom, wipe, then go back a minute later to wipe again. TMI - sorry! After a week it progressed to the point that I felt as though my insides were going to fall out. I self diagnosed, called off my holiday and returned to go to the Doc. He confirmed cystocele and a slight rectocele too. Just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

I'm just so angry, and you are right - my grief is killing me. I pride myself on being a 'Whole Woman' (such an apt term!) but now feel like I'm honestly broken. The fact that you are even suggesting that I might be able to engage in sex has just surprised me more than you realise. Won't it make it worse? Or hurt? Or irritate the stupid thing?

On a brighter note, I told the new man about it. All of it. Came clean and told him that I'm not up for a heap of intimacy until I'm sure about my body, and what it can/cannot do anymore. He kissed me on the forehead and told me I was worth the wait. Then whenever he'd walk past me last night out with friends he'd smack me on the butt and remind me about my WW posture. Think I'll keep him :)

takecare

January 12, 2012 - 5:35pm

I was just telling my husband last night if I hadn't found this site I don't know where I would be - primarily to know that actually what we have is quite common. Just nobody talks about it.
But they do here.
From what I have read here - sex can help to push things where they need to be .. it's natural.
But also I know you need to have good lubrication so there is no irritation.
Wow congrats on telling your fella - what a guy ... I have trouble telling my husband of nearly 25 years but men are way more understanding than we give them credit. We are harder on ourselves for not being 'perfect' - they don't care so much - they see the whole picture, not the uterus or the bladder or whatever.
He definitely is a keeper.
Rox - when this first happened - and it was a sudden traumatic descent - I though firstly I had bowel cancer, then I thought anal cancer, then when that was cleared I discovered what it really was. While I am truly grateful for the non cancer diagnosis - I cried on and off for six months - sobbed - my poor husband did not know what to say or do.
The grief was for me letting go of my life as I knew it ... my life now is so much more about awareness of my body - but that's not such a bad thing. We have good and bad days.
The greatest relief of all is that I am not the only one in the world going through this - that everything won't fall out - that I have the choice not to have surgery - and the positives are that my new normal has changed direction somewhat.
Putting myself first a lot more now ... that's a good thing.
Big hug to you - be brave, cry - it releases the anxiety - and talk ...

xxx

alemama

January 12, 2012 - 6:08pm

I'm 32. I discovered my prolapse about 5 years ago after the birth of my 3rd child. I now have 5 children. So hmm. guess that tells you sex is definitely possible. Not just that, but your condition can be stabilized and even reversed. Stick around. Ask questions. Your life is changing sure, but it's all just one big transition anyway and this path is going to bring you to better health all around.

louiseds

January 12, 2012 - 11:49pm

Rox, he sounds lie he's a keeper!

Remember that there are many ways of having intimacy in the true sense, and intimacy (as opposed to sex) is so important to women, and to men, actually. It is an opening up to each other and expressing trust in a close way, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually too. Sex can be another way of having intimacy. I really don't think you will have much trouble with sex in the medium term, when you are ready to trust your body once again.

Just enjoy each other in your own time.

Louise

cleo

January 15, 2012 - 3:15pm

Hello Want to be Whol...I wasted nearly eight years of my life thinking i was abnormal because of my rectocele.Specialists explained almost nothing to me.I was diagnosed with a rectocele at 56 and i am now 64.I didn't go through with an operation because luckily i found Wholewoman to learn about my problems.Gather information as much as you can and you will be like me.I have my ups and downs but nothing has gotten any worse so now i just look up Wholewoman and i always find an answer on here to my worries.