visit to the doc

Hello Dear Ananda
How long have you been working with the WW posture and the DVDs? Have you had days of improvement from your efforts yet? I am about 6 weeks into this site and I am having much help and hope. I am 61 and very shocked that I had never even heard of prolapse. I am learning here of how common it is and yes, you are right....why don't people talk of it? The women here on this forum are so honest, so candid, and so wanting to share and help each other. That alone has given me much hope and calm and I hope that will be true for you too. Wishing you well!

Hi ananda and thanks for checking in. Your post helps remind us that WW is not a “fix”. Prolapse maintenance is for life, and everyone’s results depend on so many factors. The main thing is to be able to get on with life while avoiding surgery. You are keeping up the good fight! I hope that your pessary gives you some relief when most needed. Many have found this to be the case. You have WW knowledge going back for several years, so you will be able to continue doing right by your organs and your hip joints. Please check in more often so we know how it’s all going. - Surviving

Ananda, we need all the blessings we can get!!

I think you have just had a brush with the ugly side of the medical profession; one that has left you whole, a little more cautious, and determined to get around this prolapse thing. You are now in your own hands, and in hands with all of us. Welcome. We will do all we can to help you to manage your prolapses without surgery.

Never again will you trust a doctor to tell you what is best for you. This is probably a good thing. We all need to be active members of our own health care team, and doctors can be great allies at times, but you will never be blinded by the "Dr" in front of a person's name again.

Well done.

Louise

Hi, it has been some time now since I stopped going in a state of panic to see a doctor...
But, it is coming back to me, the thought that there "must be something really wrong with me", which needs to be checked up by a doctor. I thought I may need a colonoscopy...
I am tired of my symptoms...
It seems that the progress has just stopped, has reached a plateau and does not move any more...and it feels like a "set-back"...
So, my mind thinks, that I need to see a doctor...

I have had other ongoing problems- my joints are somehow affected, very painful...
I am just so tired of this constant "hope-despair" roller-coaster...

Would people check with a doctor, go through some assessments, or would they just trust that everything will get better?

Ivonush I'm not sure how old you are but it seems the list of new aches and pains as we age is getting longer.
It sounds like it is bothering you a great deal - go see a doctor if that will make you stress less. Anything to put your mind at ease is a bonus.

When all of this first started the first thing I did was have a colonoscopy as I had so many problems with the rectocele, only I didn't know there was such a thing as a rectocele.
I had incomplete evacuation, trouble going, bleeding etc., so good enough signals for a colonoscopy - plus when you hit fifty it's pretty much expected of you.

However - I believe afterwards the difficulty I had with bowel movements due to the extreme cleansing prior and then eating the wrong food (meat) after - becoming terribly constipated and pushing too hard - made the rectocele worse and did damage to the perineum/vaginal wall. From there I started seeing urogyno and colorectal specialists and had a lot of testing done over a year including neurosurgeon for the extreme tailbone pain and lack of sensation.

So a year of doctors .... and tests. And here I am on WW using self help, one of the main contributors to actually ceasing the slide into prolapse hell and giving me some confidence.

The main source of confidence is these beautiful souls on this forum - that show their most vulnerable state and describe highly personal experiences ... makes me feel less alone and scared. I feel more 'normal' if that is possible. I can't even believe what I write at times - I am the most conservative girl and yet have exposed so much.

I have ongoing constant joint pain, muscle pain, nerve pain, migraines, eye issues, osteoporosis, POP, cholesterol problems - the list goes on ... and I cancelled all appointments this year because I can't deal with any more doctors and tests and ending up no better off.

But that's my story and sorry to get off track.

I do expect some things will get worse - I am 52 and it's par for the course ... but my spirit and emotions are an important part of the journey being a positive one.

So you do what works for you .... just remember the doctor's oath 'first do no harm' ... and make them stick to it.

Takecare, I am 52 as well...
I just don't know what to do any more that is why I have had an idea to be checked by a doctor...
A lot seems to be going on in my body at present and I am beginning to feel depressed because of this...

Hi Ivonush (and Takecare)

I think that menopause-wise you are just at that point that is equivalent to Transition during labour. It all gets to be too much, just when things are about to get better.

I am sure that for me the runup to menopause was the worst part, because it just went on and on, with one problem after another. There were a couple of years where I didn't know whether or not I had finished menstruating. They were a bit turbulent too, but now I have the calm, and most of my other mild maladies are in the past. Sure, I still get the hots at night and wake up and can't get back to sleep, but my body pain has basically gone, and that is godsend.I still get ratty at my husband, but that's another story. And all those menstrually related things have gone too, like heavy bleeding, weird cramps, black clouds over me, etc.

Patience can bring great rewards, if you let it. The doctor says there is nothing wrong with you. Perhaps he is right?

Louise

There are times I think to myself that "there is nothing wrong with me"; but there are times when I still get into a panic mode...as you said it is just too much sometimes...

My therapist also says that I do somatise, and I think he is right, because I don't express emotions...
"What emotions?" I could ask?! If I don't express them but they get transformed into symptoms I don't even feel them...?

Yesterday was a good day...today started not so good and I don't know why, I did not do anything differently...

The idea about having a colonoscopy is to calm this part of me that is unsure...do I want to have this procedure? No, but...
I have not been to doctor yet, I only asked a nurse about my blood results and they are OK...

My PT also thinks that colonoscopy will not show anything. When she was doing my internal trigger/release therapy, I felt as if I needed urgently to go to toilet. I spoke to her about this, and she said that there was no stool there (!), only my very tight muscle acting up. That was a major discovery for me! So my mind is misreading signals, telling me I need to go to the toilet, whereas it is "just a muscle"...
Since Tuesday, when I get this discomfort I am able to stay with it and tell myself: it is just a muscle, it will go away, it will be better if I stay with it, than go to toilet and strain...
I am grateful I can go for PT, as I get some feedback which I can use later on. I was never asked to do kegels...I do some exercices in the meantime, such as Diaphragmatic breathing (she told me to do 20 breaths every one hour), first wheel yoga and mediation.
I have been better last three days, more in control again, as I understand better that it is "just a muscle"...
So, I have my second thoughts about colonoscopy, as it is so invasive and may actually contribute to more discomfort...

Dear Ivonush

What muscle is your PT talking about? Your sphincter muscle, psoas or what? When you actually have the urge to move your bowels, is the feeling different to this 'muscle pressure'?

I'm not plugging for a colonscopy. It is invasive and so is a pap smear or a doctor's digital examination and I too would avoid them if not necessary, but what are your instincts telling you? Other peoples' advice is fine, as long as it accords with what you really need to do. That does not mean other people cannot change your mind. It means in light of the facts of the matter what is the wisest step you can take.
And a wise one often involves stepping out of the normal and leaving all our habitual inhibitions behind. Don't worry other people also fear the ordinary.

Earlier you said that 'yesterday was a good day, today started not so good and I did not do anything differently'. Do you have exactly the same foods, denied emotions, schedule, movement, appointments, work, exercise, bowel movement, bladder movement, social interaction. etc every day? Of course not. Are we talking hormonal vagaries, emotional reactions, stress and weather variations. They all play their role. Give me a southerly wind and I'll ache from tooth to cramping toes all down my left side. Figure that one.

Just a few questions Ivonush. We all see the pain you express here on this forum. We, the healed and healing can only believe (from our own successful experience) that you will find a solution that will launch you upon the healing path and keep you on it.

Why not seek a second opinion? Is there a less invasive alternative to colonoscopy? Are you looking for cancer? Is there a good reason for this? What are your fears in regards to this? Is it your fear of examination which you explained in your earlier threads or something else as well?

Mortality is something we are all confronted with when we reach our fifties and this constitutes a large part of our menopausal rage. That rage which surfaces in sudden anger and tears and irritation and depression to alarm ourselves, our husbands and our families. Only after facing our aged condition and deciding it is OK does the calm come. Push the fear as far away from you as you can Ivonush. You don't need it. Clear thoughts and calm thinking (the devil be damned) find the solutions and answers.

Cheers Fab

Ivonush, you have recently posted several times about soiling accidents (or near accidents) that happened when you felt the urge, but decided to wait. Now you have been told that when you feel the urge, it's just a tight muscle. How are you going to tell the difference between a tight muscle and an accident about to happen? All these therapies, and still not listening to and trusting your body. How is your WW posture? Is it an all-the-time thing? I hope so. - Surviving

Surviving, this is what I am trying to learn, and I don't really know how will I distinguish these two. What happened in my session was that there was no stool there but I felt as it was...but other times I don't feel much and then have a near-accident...
Somehow I think I will learn...
Therapies help me to know my body better...if not I would be in panic...Hopefully, one day I will be more able to listen to my body "on my own"...
Yes, I remember about WW posture...I am correcting myself when I slide to old habits, because I still do...but not so often...

Fab, thank you for your response.

I had MRI scan last year that showed nothing, and also twice something called rectoscopy (A rectoscopy specifically is the endoscopy of the rectum assessing around 25cm); it was also clear.

I tend to feel like I want more assessments when I am in panic, but when I feel better my intuition tells me that I don't need anything more (especially that it is an invasive assessment)...

I may need to revise the way I think about my progress, as it seems I want somehow to feel every day the same, but as you said it does not happen...

I don't know what exact muscle my PT had in mind. But "yes" when I actually have the urge to move your bowels the feeling is different to this 'muscle pressure'. And now, I want to learn which is which, as I used to respond to this muscle tension thinking that I need to move my bowels, and then I would strain or use splinting to provoke it...
That is why for me it is such a discovery that there may be something with muscle tension that is read by my mind as the urge to defecate...

Ivonush, if after 8 months you are still sliding into old posture habits, then it's posture that you should be working on! I can say this, because the same thing happened to me. I decided to step things up. Now, posture is a habit and I don't have to keep thinking about it to avoid falling back into the old way. I now regret that I waited and I believe this is why all my best progress came in the 2nd year. - Surviving

Dear Ivonush

Your realisation of the difference between muscle tensions and the urge to go is an interesting break through and your enthusiasm promises good fruit.

Also interesting is your take on panic. Panic inspires you to seek out help, for others, it compels them to cower behind closed doors. For me it manifested in dizzy attacks that largely incapacitated me no matter where I was.

I don’t know if I ever consciously got on top of my panic. It’s something that grips you inspite of your best thoughts and intentions. The doubts set in.

Acupuncture helped me with my dizziness plus some allergy anti histamine. Once I could control the dizzy attacks, the panic too subsided. I never really knew the chicken from the egg.

Cheers Fab

Fab,
I have been less panicky than I used to be...

I have some acupuncture as well, it helps me with the pain in my rectum (still ongoing, but more manageable)...

This realisation of the difference between muscle tensions and the urge to go is a real discovery for me. And I want to learn...hopefully I will...