NEED TO VENT

Submitted by sevilla555 on September 9, 2012 - 8:11pm
Body: 

Hello all,

I really feel the need to vent. I feel I'm no longer ''whole'' since discovering my prolapse. Life seems to have become - for me at least - pre-prolapse and post-prolapse. I'm kinda' pissed at myself. I know that hard lifting contributed to it (I'm caregiver) yet I keep thinking perhaps, if I hadn't done all that lifting, then perhaps I would not have gotten' a prolapse. On the other hand, I may have gotten' it anyway, and the lifting just brought it on earlier. Either way I don't know.

As some of you may remember from previous posts on here (I'm still a newbie), I have not yet seen a gynie. Will do later this month. I'm also not at all looking forward to stern talks, or treating me like I should know ''better' if the docs don't agree with me not wanting an operation (any kind). On the other hand, I may have a mild prolapse and they may not even suggest it. May even suggest a pessary. But I honestly don't want one of those either. I'm only going to the doc in order to find out exactly what kind of prolapse I have.

To tell the truth, it doesn't bother me all that much. Meaning I'm not incontinent. Re constipation. I never thought I was. I normally have a BM 2 times a day (unless I'm ill). I still do. There have been times when I've had to strain sometimes. But I never thought that was real ''constipation''. I had always thought constipation to be a condition when a person couldn't have a bowel movement for several days. See how dumb I am! Of course, I can feel a ''difference'' down south. Like something is sitting there, and heaviness. If it was a rectocele, would I be having urges to have a BM more often that I usually do? I had even thought, apparently wrongly, that a rectocele would manifest itself from the anal opening! I have a lot to learn.

And lastly, I'm scared to death of talking about it to my partner. the intimacy prob. Going back and forth in my head ever since discovering that I had the wretched thing :( Opinions differ re sex with prolapse. However, the majority of women on this site seem to think that sex is good for prolapse. I certainly hope so, although the old adage applies, that one size may ''not'' fit all - as is the case with pessaries :P

Sorry for the rant. But it's beginning to get to me. Honestly, I think I'd rather have urinary incontinence, than an actual prolapse. Any day. Although I understand that others may not agree with me. I'm just depressed about the whole thing, scared of going to the gynie and ''maybe'' have her try to talk me into doing something I don't want. Although at the end of the day it's my body and my decision what I decide.

Thanks for listening, and TIA to all responders,

sevilla

Forum:

discouraged

September 9, 2012 - 8:37pm

I went to my ob-gyn and told her I did not want surgery. Her husband is a surgeon. The next year she told me that they are no looking upon prolapses as optional surgeries, more like hernias. Then she told me she herself had a rectocyle. She is living with it just like I am. You might be surprised pleasantly, and I hope you are.
Discouraged

Surviving60

September 9, 2012 - 9:02pm

It’s OK to vent and this is the place to do it, as we have all been there. Jumping into WW work replaces that anger pretty quickly with other emotions that are a lot more positive. Be proud and glad that you have educated yourself this much before going in to see the doctor. You might even consider putting off the appointment again until you have made even more progress in your thinking and in doing the WW work. From this post I can’t tell if you have even started any postural work; are you waiting to see the doc before you decide whether or not you want to try this? Please don’t spend your days worrying and waiting, and wishing for your old body back! Work on this…..the difference in both mind and body will surprise you. - Surviving

sevilla555

September 9, 2012 - 9:23pm

Hi Discouraged and thanks for your reply.

Well, I've never been to this gynie before. Haven't been to one for a long time. Haven't needed to. I'm hoping she'll be the open- minded kind and not try to force me into doing anything. We'll see and I'll post what she said. I DO know that a hernia operation is nothing like an operation for prolapse! I believe it was Louise who mentioned to me that whereas hernias respond well to surgery as a general rule, the prolapse ops are an entirely different kettle of fish :(

Kind regards,

sevilla

sevilla555

September 9, 2012 - 11:14pm

Hi Surviving,

And you are. surviving that is. And I shall too. I've made up my mind. Will order Christine's book after the gynie appt. I am starting some posture work when I walk. Which is practically every day. Keeping my shoulders down, raised diaphragm, relaxed belly. Not sure about the fire beathing but will learn more when I read the book. Found a video on youtube of Christine doing some postural exercises and have been trying to do them to. I'm rather stiff trying to sit cross-legged. I managed it and I suppose the more I do it the more flexible I'll become. Tomorrow is another day :)

sevilla

prolapse2012

September 10, 2012 - 3:50am

Hi Sevilla.
I have to say that I completely understand where you are right now. I was just "diagnosed" myself and am waiting to see a gynie. I too am not looking forward to my visit, don't want to be convinced that surgery is my only option.
I am sooooo glad I found this sight!
Everyday I am starting to feel more in control and much more feminine (I was raised as a Tomboy, no sisters)
The information here and the support we have for each other is amazing!! Not to mention VERY re assuring.

I can't wait to go back to my family Dr. and say, "Now look, I have an option for women with this condition so send them to me!"

Anxiously awaiting the course.

Swannee

sevilla555

September 10, 2012 - 2:45pm

Hi Swannee,

I rather doubt that many docs today are open minded enough to accept, let alone promote, any ideas that aren't part of what they know. That is, their conservative/western view of healthcare which they were trained to do, usually focusing on surgery or pessaries and sometimes PT for women with prolapse probs. Hopeully yours will accept what you tell him/her, and hopefully mine will to, or at least, not try to argue with me about it. But we are the owners of our own bodies and much as they would like to, they CANNOT force us to go down any road we're not comfortable with. I intend to makes notes of everything I'm told, and then post that info here.

sevilla

prolapse2012

September 11, 2012 - 5:27am

Yeah your right there sevilla but a girl can dream! LOL

Babyboyojz

September 11, 2012 - 10:37am

Sevilla, I just wanted u to know that I am dealing with the same issues as far as being mad at myself for things I've done that have lead to my problems now. I worked at a bar during my last pregnancy, lifting cases of beer, heavy garbage bags, etc. I didn't even know we had pelvic floor muscles and that could be damaged! I thought I was strong. I never had any problems with my other three pregnancies. I had pressure feelings down below and trouble peeing. I mentioned it to the doctor but they said its normal during pregnancy. But I know my body and I knew I never had those problems before. I wish I had taken better care of myself...but I guess we can't change the past...

Surviving60

September 11, 2012 - 11:20am

During my time on this site, I have asked myself, who is luckier? We whose prolapses waited until menopause or later to make themselves known, even though they've been brewing for years if not decades? Or the post-partum ladies who will have more years to live with prolapse, but who are in a WAY better position right now to train their organs back to where they need to go, and hopefully have much healthier bodies as they age? Maybe it's a toss-up.

But I will say, as I have said before (and probably newbies will think I'm lying!) that I am so much better, healthier and happier in my skin, since I embraced all of this. I am happier with my prolapse than I was before I had ever heard the word. I feel better, I look better, and I think very differently about a lot of things. I do feel my prolapses ebbing and flowing all the time. But I don't fear them and I don't hate them. I don't want my old body back. That is a wish that I see many women getting stuck on. Let it go - you can be better, body mind and soul, than you were before. - Surviving

trouble down under

September 11, 2012 - 10:27pm

Sounding just like me! Always had standing jobs and heavy lifting was part of it... thought being stronger would make me stronger - not QUITE right!!! Seems sucking in the gut and lifting 20kg reopeatedly is a bad idea but that's hindsight.
Also have the issue of zero incontinence, just really heavy feelings and discomfort especially at the end of the day. Number 2's multiple times a day - apparently this too is not quite right and is time consuming with rectocele/enterocele. Literally a 'pain in the arse'!
My partner does not want to know what's going on... at all. I think this is childish but that's his issue, I spose. For me, having my variation of pop has improved 'special cuddles' some of the time - maybe it's a more accesible cervix? And other times, the heaviness and bloating/inflammation side of rectocele makes it all too uncomfortable to bother with, so, yes, it has changed things.
Hoping you can make things work in your own situation and have the courage to get the info you need from your doc without taking on board the pressure to conform or 'follow directions'. Easier said than done, I know. I find the smile, ask questions in a non-confrontational way, nod at the answers and 'forgetting' to book follow up works for me. :-)

sevilla555

September 11, 2012 - 10:50pm

Hi trouble down under,

Yes, my prolapse seems worse at the end of the day too. I'm familiar with that ''heavy'' feeling. Guess I should consider myself lucky I'm not in pain. I don't seem to have bloating or inflammation. Where do you get that? On the prolapse itself? As for No. 2 I went twice daily before my prolapse, and am still doing that, so nothing has changed so far in that respect. And like you - no incontinence. Actually, I posted on one of the other forums here, that I'd rather have urinary incontinence than an actual prolapse. Oh well. Happy I found this site and all christine's suggestions about posture, although, even though I walk daily, I find some of the exercise positions rather painful (sitting cross-legged), for example. I shall persevere.

sevilla

trouble down under

September 11, 2012 - 11:46pm

Sevilla, you'll get better at some of those stretchy manouevres and you'll find the lumbar position much easier when you do. I'm lucky that it comes very easily to me and I have a massive lumbar curve (which I'd trained myself out of BTW, at the advice of chiro and physio!!!) I've found it's taken me 7 months of yoga to get any shoulder flexibility happening but happening it is
Inflammation is my own special add-on, which I'm particularly good at on a general level and the bloating comes with long standing times or heavy work days, possibly some enterocele here too? It's relieved by laying down, the worse it is, the longer I need but o'nite always does the trick and I'm hoping that this programme will too,
all the best

prolapse2012

September 12, 2012 - 5:53am

Its so good to read your posts. To have other gals who understand absolutely what I feel and "feel". My DH is being very patient and understanding (i'm waiting for my body to settle into Merina too)
I am very happy to have found this sight!

patches

January 16, 2013 - 7:47pm

Hi to everyone, this is my first time posting. I would like to share my experience that I've had with my Doctors concerning my Prolapse . My first doctor never even suggested surgery, she gave me my options. Living with it , trying a pessary. She took a lot of time with me, fitted me with a pessary, and showed me how to insert correctly. She had to order it and it was a week before I received it and then I had a very difficult time trying to work with it and placing it. My Doc was pregnant , and is on leave now. So today, I saw another Doctor in the same department to help show me how to use it. She was very understanding, helpful,and sensitive, as I was emotional over my condition. Tearful really. She also explained that surgery is only a very temporary solution, as it just leads to more surgery and more. I was so thankful that I have had such good support !

LTwesp

January 16, 2013 - 8:04pm

Glad u r hear! Stick with the site and the forums. The ladies here are fantastic. I have been here for five months now. Get the book and DVDs if u can. The posture is becoming a new life style for me and it helps!

Surviving60

January 17, 2013 - 7:11am

Hi Patches and welcome. Have you looked into Whole Woman posture? A pessary can be a good tool for those times you need extra support, but you should also be looking into making the posture correction that will ultimately give your pelvic organs a better place to go, without the use of something which may potentially hold the vagina open and work against prolapse management. Go to the Resources tab, then to Video and watch the first video on the page, in which Christine gives an overview of Whole Woman. - Surviving

Cace

January 17, 2013 - 3:12pm

I am new to this site and to the prolapse of what I believe was my cervix. Am anxiously waiting for my book and DVD to arrive. Have been doing the little WW intro exercise on youtube. Also waiting to see a GYN to get an accurate diagnosis. Don't have a Dr so imagine it'll take awhile, hopefully will be someone who doesn't push for a procedure or worse yet, do something while I'm in stirrups and unaware. I tried a sea sponge pessary but just couldn't get it in far enough. It was soft but still very uncomfortable. Can't imagine using a hard rubber pessary. I admire all you ladies for your perseverence. Ahough I just turned 65, I still have a lot to learn. Until the book arrives, just wondering if someone would tell me: I'm most comfortable sitting with my feet propped up. Is that ok?

louiseds

January 17, 2013 - 11:02pm

It depends on how the rest of you is sitting, and the purpose of your sitting? And a heap of other factors. Can you fill us in a bit more?

Surviving60

January 18, 2013 - 4:49am

Agree - it depends on what the rest of you is doing. Sitting with feet up frequently means that you are sitting back in a piece of soft furniture and your lower spine is collapsed and rounded. This is not good. As you learn about WW posture you'll be developing and protecting lumbar curvature. - Surviving