How to talk to my daughter

Hi Amy

They're tough nuts, these little seventeen year olds, aren't they?Leaving school and becoming a wild child for a few years then settling down to being normal humans and doing all the normal things that their parents have probably done.

Mine (who is now 21) still gives very few hints that she listens to a word I say, though occasionally astounds me with her own wisdom, or quietly reflects on something I said in the past. The time for teaching her ended at about the age of nine. She just learned in her own way from then on, regardless of what we said or did. When you have a girl who is morphing into a woman I have found the hardest thing to do is allow her to take responsibility for her own actions. That means that she will sometimes make mistakes just like I did. None of us is perfect. I figure that all I can do is model it. The book and video are here. I spend half my evenings on this Forum, and my kids no longer dare to come over to the monitor to see what I am doing. "Ohh Mum, too much information!!"

Well, at least I know that they are taking it in. And aren't they lucky that we know what we know, and can teach them as adults, once they get around to asking? Pregnancy and childbirth will be a testing time, unless obstetric practices change significantly in the next ten years. I figure that she may not take on board that she needs to change her posture right now, but she can take in that I am open when talking about prolapse, sex and all that other stuff. She can see me making rational decisions about taking the advice of doctors, questioning, and looking at alternatives in all parts of my life, conducting myself with dignity, and she knows that I can enjoy all parts of my life, including sex, unaffected by prolapse. She has been well educated in critical appraisal of media via her schooling. It all points to her making the right choices all by herself, with better information than I ever had access to.

Hey, don't get me wrong. She's no saint! We've been to Hell and back with our darling daughter over the last 10 years. But my, oh my, she's going to be some mature women. Look out world!

cheers

Louise

I think you have a great situation in your hands. Talking to young women is what ALL OF US should be doing. NOT in order to scare them, but in order to help them to enjoy their lives (including their sexuality) fully and beautifully!

I believe your daughter is old enough (and actually in a perfect age) to learn about some important facts on women's health. If I had heard about these things when young... I would have been SO HAPPY. So
I would simply BE HONEST! It does not need to be scary for her, you can present the whole thing as : "you have all the tools to have a perfectly healthy and beautiful life and body throughout your whole life, you just need to learn how to take care of your body, you need to learn few really important things that they will NOT teach you in school!". (In order to explain this one does not need to go on the most graphic detalis or rectocele, for instance...)

Yet at the same time I do think it is important we learn to speak more openly about ALL OF THIS. Yes, it can be very embarrasing and hard to talk about, but I believe that there is SO MANY women out there, who are suffering about these things without knowing what is really going on with them. And they don't know what's happening with their bodies BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO EMBARRASSED to talk about it with other women! Because they think that nobody else has it! Because NOBODY talks about these things!

I have taken the attitude that I am open about my situation (I am 32 with all the three prolapses), and you know what has happened...? Once I've started to talk to other women about my situation, I've started to hear... "well you know, I have actually a prolapsed bladder" "Oh really, you know I've always wondered why I have this funny feeling..." etc. So many women have problems! And so many women have said to me that it is great that I am writing about all of this (I am a writer but english isn't my native language).

I also believe it is important to introduce the young women to look for alternative information and to make them understand the male bias of our culture (meaning that most of the medical information, for example, out there, is provided BY MEN and it is not always to be trusted...).

Imagine how wonderful it would be, if your daughter, once she learns about all this, starts talking to her girlfriends, and slowly the word stars to be spread... Young girls may have totally different kind of future ahead of them!

Okay, baby is crying, need to go!
GOOD LUCK
maya

I have the same experience talking to other women. It's astounding how many women have it and don't know what it is. i didn't either.

My daughters are very young, 7 and 4. However, I've already begun to teach them the importance of natural female posture. They are very teachable at this age and want to be just like mom. They are aware that I'm working on the issue. The older one understands that I'm working on strengthening are realligning post childbirth. I'm sure she doesn't full comprehend the specifics, but I am open with her and answer her questions. I'm also sure to tell them this is private stuff, not to be shared in Sunday School!!

Cute story. My 4 y/o has a toy (a pretend hair straightener) that looks a lot like my km2000. She takes it and goes into the other room, shuts the door and informs me that she is going in to "do her exercises". After a minute, she comes out, and she's all done!

They also, many times throughout the day, ask, "Mom, is this good posture?" And, they play, doing funny gyrations, and ask me if it's good posture. I just crack up.

Spread the word! Tell her and it may coome back to her later. What's the alternative? Prevention is key. I will also talk to mine as they get older re: the importance of natural childbirth.

Blessings.

Marie

I used to do lots of crunches when I was younger. One day I talked about my practice with my dance teacher, who had a feminine, soft approach to exercice, and she told me NOT to do the traditional crunches. Why? Because we women get bulging abdominal muscles from them and those look UGLY on women.

Every girl wants to look good and have a flat abdomine. We get that by exercicing the inner core muscles, which are, at least for a big part, the same muscles then those pelvic floor muscles we need to get stronger. We want to exercice the inner muscles and get them to be CLOSE TO THE SPINE - in this way we have a flat abdomine. (There is some good yoga exercices for that, also many of the postpartum exercices are beneficial for all the times!). Crunches don't make the stomach smaller, it can be quite contrary.

The posture doesn't make the tummy to bulge out if, while doing the posture, we also imagine to get taller as if someone would be pulling up from a string attached to the top of the head. (I am sorry, my english isn't perfect). That "tall feeling" while doing the posture flattens and streches the stomach. (PLEASE anyone, if I am saying something that isn't correct, tell me! This is what I have understund after reading these pages and after doing dance and yoga for years).

So I think you have the nature of affairs on your side. She wants to look pretty and have a good life ahead of her. By teaching her some more subtle abdominal exercices she will get the strong core which every dancer absolutely wants and needs (I recall you saing she does dance). Strong core is everything!!! It will prevent not just prolapses but also back problems etc. By teaching her the posture you teach her the most beautiful and feminine way of carrying herself (it is also sexy look and we all want to have sexual appeal - please don't be offended me saying that) and then, by teaching her to do kegels, she will have a healthy and happy life. She wants all of that, be good looking and healthy (and have a good sexual life too, at some point. I don't know if you talk about that with her or not, I probably will with my daugher because it is very important!).

So I would take the attitude that "this is the way to help you, not just FEEL great but LOOK absolutely great!".

Why talking like this would be embarrassing for her (like you referred that she would feel embarrassed to talk to her girl friends)? The fact that we as women want to look good and enjoy our lives fully is important to talk and share as a topic. I do come from Europe, so maybe my attitude is little different, but I feel like we need to be OPEN to talk about these things, othervise nothing changes. And we ALL have bodies and bodily functions :)! Please, do not get offended by anything I write here, it is not personal of course! I am just calling for more open culture when it comes to talking about our bodies...

Beautiful and restful weekend,
and blessings,

maya

Hi there,
sorry it takes time from me to get back!

About the excercises, I think the notion of pulling the abdomen "close to the spine" isn't in contradiction with the posture. Maybe I didn't manage to explain what I meant by it. Imagine standing in the posture. When you "lift" your self up (having the feeling that someone is pulling you from the top of your head staright up) you let the natural sway happen in the back but at the same time you tighten the stomack muscles slightly (I believe this is the same what Christine says about having a "firm stomach". When the abdomen is firm it does pull itself closer to the spine. The spine itself does not move anywhere: the spine doens't loose the sway but stays in the right posture. In this way the posture itself does not get compromised... . It is just the muscles that do some tightening and pulling together. That is actually an immeadiate result of having this naturally good and "bold" posture where one feels like one is actually holding oneself up (lifting up, actively standing), rather then just "resting" on one's legs. If you understand what I mean...? I believe that one should feel like little pulling sensation on the sides of the torso. The standing is thus active rather then passive... It is hard to explain.

I am happy if anything I write helps... Maybe in few years I will be asking your help on the same quiestion! Now my daughter is only 3!

Good luck and love
maya