New to site, recently diagnosed with prolapse

Glad you have found us. I am way past childbearing but I know that you will get lots of support and information from the younger women here, who are still poppin' 'em out, and have had the same doubts and worries about future pregnancies as you have! The news is good.

Some degree of pelvic laxity can be regarded as normal for women who have a pregnancy, and many who have not, as we all age. Pelvic organ prolapse (POP) is correlated strongly with vaginal birth, but obstetric delivery with accompanying obstetric tears and episiotomy and often forceps and other interventions are also strongly correlated with vaginal birth! What causes what? It is a multi-factorial condition.

All we know is that you are in good company and well on your way to learning new skills to ensure that you can support your organs effectively for the rest of your life.

It is lovely to see you commenting so positively, so soon, to another distressed woman in another topic.

Louise

Hi panda! This thread has a good discussion about positions during delivery: http://www.wholewoman.com/forum/node/3967

Look up posts by members 'alemama' and 'bad_mirror' - they both had babies in the past one to two years and the info they share is invaluable.

I am happy that you found this website! There are so many wonderful generous women on this site and you will get some responses from some of the younger ones still having their babies. I am post meno. Have you found your way around this site already? Have you any questions regarding the posture? This is the most important thing for you right now. Even if you cannot buy the book right away, you can get the posture from the resources tab and from posting all of your questions right here. Since you are expecting another little one, it is very important that you begin to make this posture yours. At your young age, you will most likely have great improvement. I have not used a pessary but you can enter it into the search tab here and many women have found some help from using one, although I think if you do not need to use one, it is better not to. You are right, that there is much anxiety when you first discover you have prolapse, but that will pass. You will come to understand your body much better and things will be okay. I send you my best wishes and keep posting your questions and thoughts!

Hi Panda! Adopting WW posture while pregnant is not an experience I can relate to, but let me say, I SOOOOOOOO wish I had had this information when I was at your age and stage of life. Such a natural time to make this adjustment. You have made such a positive step in the direction of good pelvic and hip health as you go throughout all the stages of female existence.

I always feared that beer-belly look at first, because I have quite a belly on me. But that thought is what helped me remember to pull up my chest, tall and proud. After 2 and a half years, if I try to go back to the flat-ab stance, I honestly can't and won't. All this was totally life-changing for me. Good luck to you! - Surviving

Panda, have you looked on the FAQ's tab, down at the bottom, the side-by-side pix of bad and good posture? Next, go the the Blog page and scroll down through the Core article (well, preferably reading as you go!) until you get to the pic of the beautiful handstand girls. Stunning. These pix say it all.

Welcome here and congratulations on your pregnancy! It doesn't have to get worse after your birth. Most of the *damage* was done with the stretching of your first pregnancy. Yes you are going to show sooner, that's cool though :) or anyway, I kinda liked it- the first time around no one even knew until I was about 7 months pregnant and many admitted that they thought I was just getting a bit fat. So the next time was great because you could tell I was pregnant sooner.
What happens during the birth is kind of thrilling (or anyway, what happened to me during my births). As the baby comes down, she pushes everything right up and out of the way. Have you ever seen those plastic tubes full of water and glitter? You can move them. Oh man, probably not. Anyway it works sort of like those things do, the baby comes down, but as she does, your intestine and bladder are pulled up and pushed out of the way.
Now, I have heard from a midwife that pushing too early and too much can really push your bladder down quite a bit and that it's best to let the baby move down to the opening (where the head is totally taking up all the space in the vagina, leaving no room for any bladder or intestine to push into the walls).
I actually birthed our most recent baby while laying in bed. Not flat exactly and not on my back, but at the last minute I climbed into the bed, put both my knees together and turned my hips to the side ( she had a really crazy presentation- sunny side up and a face first). So, if you ask me, the best position is the one you feel most inclined to get into because your body dictates it (not some other reason like modesty or fear- those get your in trouble). Hands and knees is nice. Also the semi stand...
Yes it gets easier, though it is always tempting to slouch...
and yes, it's sort of like having a nose you are unhappy with- you do get used to it.
Think about the stages of grief. At the end, there is acceptance. You'll get there :)
Give your back support. Ice if you need to, rest as much as you possibly can...this work is so dynamic.
Ok, eyes closing.
Good night.

yes, it will fluctuate from day to day, depending on what you did the day before (maybe over did it) what you felt, what you ate, how your bowels are etc. Like life before fluctuated but at that time you ran.

It is called sublimation: when you can't do what you love to do, you find something else that you can do and will absorb you in a similar way in that you don't think about the everyday things. Think of something you have always wanted to do, some hobby or something similar. Then on those low restless days give it a go and you may get to love it.

Yes, if you look at some of the older posts you will see lots of women who said they felt imperfect, damaged goods, not up to scratch, no longer sexy, my life is over. I am no longer a real woman. My husband will no longer love me, etc.

Then there are the tasteless jokes about the loose vagina of a woman who has had babies, being like an old woman's vagina.

It doesn't do much for our self-image, does it? Until you start challenging it, and other women who have been there, start to challenge these stupid statements, which are born out of grief for what is lost, rather than out of the lovely baby they have.

You will eventually realise that you are not your vagina, and your husband knows that already. There is no need to feel guilty about it. You could try talking to him about it. I think you need a bit of reassurance at the moment, rather than being so hard on yourself. Let him reassure you.

Louise

I feel that there are some things just better left unsaid to husbands. In my case, prolapse is one of them. I don't think he will be the least bit interested. I also had those same fears but didn't let on about them, waiting to see his reaction first. His apparent unawareness that anything was different assured me that it wasn't. Sometimes he would find me on my hands and knees or doing a stomach vacuum in front of the mirror, ask me what I was doing, I'd tell him I'm doing exercises for my uterus (lol) and that was that. Of course each husband and each relationship is different but in general there are some things you talk to your husband about and there are some things you talk to your girlfriends or sisters about.

Thanks Chicka, you have expressed something important here. This may go against the conventional wisdom on this forum, but I agree that not all husbands are good at jumping into and maintaining an open discussion about our female parts moving around. A lot of this is TMI for even the most understanding guy. Whatever they need to know in order to reassure you and make sex comfortable and pleasurable, is probably enough in some cases. Unless you have a husband who is actively trying to keep a discussion going about your prolapse, the best dialogue to have with your man might be no dialogue at all. I know some may totally disagree with me. I think the bottom line is, most of us can probably tell if and when our hubby has “heard enough”. I wanted to post this for the benefit of anyone else on the forums who might be thinking they must be weird if they don’t talk about this with their partners all the time. If you fall into that category, you are not alone. Let your partner reassure you and make you feel better, but don’t feel bad if he doesn’t respond much beyond that. - Surviving.

You both make good points. I think it is up to every woman to work out what to say, and how to say it. I would by no means suggest that all women should give their husbands the information with no holding back. Chickaboom, your way of telling your husband ("the exercises are for my uterus") may be just what is needed.

What I am saying is that when a woman feels broken, or lessened, or imperfect, or in some way diminished, whatever the cause, it is important that her husband knows what is going on. Otherwise, he is just as likely to think that he is the cause of these feelings, or that his wife is unhappy with him and no longer loves him.

Men often do not think like women, and can be very emotionally vulnerable underneath the cold steel exterior.

If he knows that he is not the cause, and that his wife's love for him is not a part of her 'upsetness', then he is in a position to support her emotionally, and care for her, until she feels stronger. If he does not know, then it can put a very big strain on the relationship, because the couple are not being honest with each other. (This resonates personally for me, but others may think differently)

On the other hand, if a husband responds to his wife's sexual shyness, or pain and discomfort, by pressurising her and criticising her, then I think it is worthwhile giving him a more graphic description of her troubles, if necessary in the presence of a doctor, who can give extra information, and also witness his response. Pelvic organ prolapse is a dis-ease, an illness. Just because it cannot be seen, doesn't mean it has little impact on a woman's life, her ability to go about her work, or her happiness. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

It is the same when either partner gets an illness. The other looks after them in any way that makes them feel better, and nurtures them.

Or am I living in fairyland?

No, not fairyland, Louise. You are totally correct of course. My wish is that every woman who is in need of strong spousal support to deal with her prolapse (and this will apply to some much more than others), gets that support. But THAT is probably fairyland! - Surviving

I can't imagine not talking about this with my partner. Yes, physically he would not have noticed anything at all. But emotionally, it has been so important for us to share what has been going on for me. If I had not shared, he would not have understood why during the many times I just wasn't up for it. And I wouldn't have benefitted from his support during those times. For us, the silence would have created tension and conflict. For me, it would have felt very lonely.

I think finding this forum and finding out that there is potential for things to get better made it easier for me to deal with - easier than if a doctor had told me that I have prolapse and would simply need to live with it until I finish having kids and then I can have surgery. My husband's reaction, had I confided fully in him, would have been, oh man, that's tough, what can we do to fix it? This forum had already given me that answer. Emotionally it was also difficult but just seeing that I was still carrying on my female-wife-mother role just as before gave me that support that I needed. Tacit approval, you know? And then I had my sister and my friend with whom i discussed what i was going through. Like I said before, every relationship is different and each woman would have to make that decision for herself and that sometimes the less said might be better for that individual woman/relationship.

My Hubby is not that very interested unless i speak about a pain in my body for him it seams to be nothing and he doesnt want to know either i dont know for what reason i think i have accepted that as men are more strong and sensitive at the same time i as wife no matter what, creats that sence of strength and security at home to my DH and my kids too...
The thing that has given me strenght is that my womanly parts can still reproduce and they are my organs except that they are a bit low but still in my body and hopefully healthy too....

I get so much energy reading about women in this forum who have had kids and are leading a perfectly normal life doing what they were doing in fact better than before i am blessed to be in this site I thank Allah for this and thank you all for your support...

Bottom line as far as i feel better and normal happy so is my family...and seeing them happy my prolapse looks teeny weeny...

Sorry i forgot to mention one important thing i have this tummy pain from past 10 days or so above my navel i feel like i am 5 months preg and i have noticed this pain is more persistant after i have had any food my tummy feels tender hard baloon shaped and painful dont know why i have Gp's appointment on Thursday.. Hope its all good....

Bluesky, hope your pain goes away soon or turns out to be something not too serious. I loved your post! Thanks for sharing this. Probably my last comment on this forum before our power goes out! Hurricane Sandy moving in. - Surviving

Bluesky, I am so glad you are seeking medical advice on this. It may be something harmless, but it may be something that really needs medical attention. Listen carefully, and take it all in. Any chance of taking a trusted person with you, as a second pair of ears?

Louise

First I thought its to do with prolapse my abdomen is getting streched etc, i hope its all good news

Well, telling you to pick up a hobby is somewhat ironic when you have already been someone very active in those types of endeavors. A bit like telling you to take coals to Newcastle. But yes Yoga is something you could possibly try something like this http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-10-25/fitness/32631641_... or something you feel you can trust better. As well as the walking everyday which so many of us on this forum swear by. It’s not running, but it is moving your body. It might not release the endorphins but the body will still appreciate it.

But just on the fact that you are giving up your market store, sometimes in our lives this happens. There are many endings and only a few beginnings which are not always going to make up the difference in interest, enjoyment, commitment etc. There is always grief in giving up the things we love or have invested much effort in and no matter how much we love what we are doing now, in your case getting through pregnancy, birth and then looking after a new baby, there are still going to be times when the gap the loss has left in our lives is going to weigh down your heart heavily. All you can do is know it will grab you unexpectedly from time to time especially when you are tired and then all you can do is ride it out. It may get better with just a simple thing as talking about it, but often at these periods of change in our life we won’t even get that. But in your case there is always here on the forum , not as good as a friend or a face to face, but something.

As to the lack of libido, you know in the old days there was always some excuse around something along the lines of 'well you know we really ought to be careful with the new baby' and a gentle patting on your tum, but it might not work these days.