Birth Stories

Submitted by Bebe on January 21, 2013 - 9:45am
Body: 

I just read a series of posts below entitled "What's all the hype about normal vaginal births?" It ran for about a year and a half. If I had read it before I made by first posting on this site, that's where I would have joined in. I think birth stories are worthy of their own forum topic. We all have a story to tell and almost all of our stories include some degree of trauma. It is hard to come to terms with our expectations and hopes and fears before our first births and the surprises, disappointments and ignorance we encounter. It takes years to process the information and experiences of our birth experiences....and look how many of us have kept trying to "get it right" with three, four, five, six children. Now, at 62 and dealing with mostly bladder prolapse, my first post, my identification, my complaint and ultimately my glory was about my childbirth experiences. My babies are 29, 28, 27 and 25 years old and I still need to tell my story.

We suffer because of the upside down and backwards context of our world. It's permeated completely and institutionalized with unnatural and unhealthy everything - lifestyle, nutrition, societal expectation and the pressure of conforming which is a powerful conspiracy when everyone participates for fear of being left out, family and childbirth. As women it comes together for us right where it hurts. Our best defense is truth, the best method 'word of mouth'.

Forum:

louiseds

January 22, 2013 - 12:13am

HI Bebe

Yes, we could. It will be interesting to see what others think.

As a person who is continually cleaning the Housekeeping Forum and shifting Topics to where they really should be, I know how hard it is to ensure that Topics are initially posted in the correct Forum. Being women, we tend to change the subject quite frequently in a conversation, so no matter what we do, the stories end up all over the place! (Just like real conversations!) I think the Pregnancy and prolapse Forum is a suitable place for them. After all, the birth story is often smack bang in between the Pregnancy and the Prolalpse!

What do others think?

Mika

January 22, 2013 - 4:40am

Thanks. I have never told my story. Maybe someday here I will. You stated very powerful words. Thanks

Surviving60

January 22, 2013 - 4:48am

Agree with Louise that Pregnancy forum is a great place for birth stories. - Surviving

Bebe

January 22, 2013 - 12:44pm

Thank you for replying. You're right, of course, that "Pregnancy and Prolapse" is a good place. I have excellent hindsight, by the way. :)

mamp

January 22, 2013 - 8:27pm

Dear Bebe,

Thank you very much for your post. I think it is a good omen because I want to share something that happened to my yesterday that stirred up some very strong feelings. I am in the process of going through old boxes of files in my basement, reviewing the contents and sorting them.

Well yesterday I came across my "Pregnancy and delivery" box. When I was pregnant 16 years ago, I took the Bradley childbirth course and I had my materials from the course in that box. I was thumbing through them and noticed a section on delivery and they talked about the benefits of squatting and how it is rarely used. I noticed I even had saved a brochure on squatting in my class notebook folder. It was very evident from seeing the picture how that position would assist the mom in delivering her baby. (As an aside, I would just note that I never recalled hearing from the Bradley instructor that squatting could prevent prolapse (nor was there any mention of prolapse in the Bradley book. What a big oversight!!)

Anyway In that same box, I also found a book called "How your baby is born" by Amy Teuter, an excellent picture book showing many aspects of labor and delivery, which I bought a few years after my 1st pregnancy. As I thumbed through that book, I was very struck by the picture of the woman delivering a baby while being seated in a hospital bed (which happens every day here in America). She was on her back. I could imagine how hard it would be to deliver a baby from that position. The whole scene was markedly different from the picture of the woman squatting on the floor to have her baby. Suddenly, I had an AH HAH moment. I too had delivered my baby on a hospital bed, and although seated somewhat upright, I distinctly recall how I struggled to push out my baby (by the way, I know I was pushing at the right time because I had a feeling that I might have a bowel movement any moment right in the bed, which for those of us who have birthed a child know, that the bowel movement feeling is the baby.) Anyway, I can still recall now the feeling of straining to push out the baby. It didn't flow or feel natural at all. Now I know why -- I was not in the position that Nature designed for birthing a baby. I am very convinced that had I squatted to deliver my baby, I would not have experienced the severe bladder prolapse that I was diagnosed with one year later (and surgically corrected for nine years later:( In that pregnancy, I was 33 years old, my baby was 8 lbs 10 oz and I had no epidural. I think I could have handled an assisted squat and even with my pregnancy weight, I was not heavy, so that would not have been a complicating factor either. However, my baby was a big baby and using a position of mechanical advantage would have helped tremendously and even seems to have been called for.

In conclusion, I would just like to say to any pregnant first time moms who are reading this or ladies with daugthers, please realize that birthing positions matter a lot, especially if the baby is larger. My understanding is that if you deliver in a hospital here in the US, you must deliver in bed (someone correct me if I am wrong) I don't know how doctors will react but I think it's worth raising the issue with them about whether they would allow the mom to try a squatting position while birthing. To me, this is probably one of the most important parts of any birth plan (yet I never recall reading about it anywhere, except in the Bradley book). My daughter is my only child so I never had an opportunity to try squatting.

What do you ladies say about squatting? It makes me sick to think that a problem I have was so preventable.

Monica

Bebe

January 22, 2013 - 11:57pm

Thank you so much for writing, Monica. I heard about the Bradley method when I was pregnant with my third child and was fortunate to find an OB who had also heard of it. He told me he didn't care if I wanted to deliver my baby standing on my head gargling peanut butter. (Strange, but true.) Anyway, I didn't have classes or anyone but my husband to encourage me with this, but reading a book written by Dr. Bradley's nurse gave me confidence and that birth worked out okay. I was able to walk around the labor room. When I was ready to deliver and the doctor hadn't arrived, the nurses were trying to get me to breath and hold back when I had the urge to push. My husband got in my ear and said to go for it and my daughter was born in the intact amniotic sac. It was my easiest birth, even though I was propped up in a bed.

By the delivery of my fourth child, I had moved to another state and expected to deliver with a midwife. It was a ruse to turn me over to the same system - with an OB I didn't know. They wouldn't let me get out of bed, so I got up on all fours on the bed (and growled at them, too). I ended up in stirrups, however, and my 9 lb 15 oz boy was born the hard way. I wish I had stayed at home! I would have instinctively gotten in the best position to deliver.

Long story short - my daughter showed up the other day telling me about videos of childbirth she had seen. If you'll search "orgasmic birth" as well as "natural childbirth", you'll be able to find some to share with your daughter. When my little girl was 16, she was "never going to have a baby." Now it's eleven years later and she's doing the research and hoping to deliver at home - once she gets pregnant!

mamp

January 23, 2013 - 7:29am

Bebe,

Thanks for your reply. I will check out You Tube. You know awhile back, I asked on this forum about what could have caused my prolapse and various ladies commented, and apparently there was a long birthing thread I was referred to also, which I read. Yet I never recall seeing in that thread about the importance of birthing positions or a reference to squatting. It really is not rocket science. Our bodies are designed to work in particular ways, but as you noted in your original post, things are often done against nature.

Here's another example: we are designed to squat when we poop (think about what a dog does) but our toilets are not designed to accommodate squatting. I have read this can cause colon cancer as not all the feces are expelled when we are forced to defecate with our hips in a seated position. See also Katy Bowman of Aligned and Well who has an excellent website which talks all about the body and positions of mechanical advantage.

It really is important to inform oneself, both through one's own research and through sharing with others. I am grateful for Christine's work and this community of women. It is my sincere hope that our daugthers can be spared what we are going through. My local hospital has increased its uro gyn staff from one doctor eight years ago to six now. Hmmm....doesn't look good.

Monica

Bebe

January 23, 2013 - 2:48pm

I've been reading on this website about "pooping posture" and found that it really helps. I sometimes use a colon cleanser (with psyllium and cascara sagrada and other things for stool softening) and it's pretty mild...not really a laxative. I'm afraid of laxatives. I had a friend who described herself as "addicted" to laxatives and she ultimately died of colon cancer. You'll run into descriptions of commode posture if you haven't already.

I will look for info on positions of mechanical advantage. My husband has educated me on this to some degree. He was once a small kid in a bigger world and learned how to take care of himself by discovering mechanical advantage early.

Bebe

Bebe

January 24, 2013 - 9:38pm

You mentioned having had surgery for your bladder prolapse with a frown. If my math is right, that would be about 5 or 6 years ago? I wonder how it has or hasn't worked and how you're doing with it.

Surviving60

January 25, 2013 - 7:40am

As a reference has been made above to Katy Bowman, I feel it is my duty to point out that her idea of correct "alignment" is the conventional suck-and-tuck that helped get so many of us in this pickle in the first place. So, no thanks! Here is one discussion:
http://www.wholewoman.com/forum/node/3833