Life feels upside down

Submitted by SAMama on March 8, 2013 - 8:54pm
Body: 

Hi I am new. From South Africa
I have 3 kids all home water births. I am 36 and just got married 2 weeks ago. My oldest 2 kids are from a previous marriage and my 2yr old with my new wonderful husband. We just got back from a wonderful honeymoon last weekend. It was our first time away with no kids. We met with kids and have always had them around.

Monday was a nasty bump back to reality. I had a Gynae visit for Menorrhagia and severe dysmenorrhea. I have had 3 kids with no pain killers but my periods are a flood with pain so bad I can not move and have to call my husband home to help. Pain killers don't work and finally I needed answers. I was hoping for fybroids that could be removed.

Now the part I was not expecting. He did the Pap smear and started talking about a hernia of the bowel. He said he could fit 3 fingers into my vagina and that a normal penis is about 2. And whoosh with a single sentence my world felt like it fell apart. My amazing dh was at the appointment with me as I knew I would not remember everything and he always asks good questions. I know we have a good sex life, but I now feel so inadequate. If vaginal tension decreases further with age... My poor husband.

Anyway I reason I was there was to find out what was going on in my uterus. I have adenomyosis, which is where the uterus lining grows into the uterus muscle and bleeds and tears the muscle each month, which is the reason for my pain. He says I have 2 options, the Mirena IUD to hopefully decrease or stop my bleeding but due to the funny shape of my uterus as the one spot is massive, it might not work. The other option was hysterectomy with full reconstruction as if the uterus was removed the prolapses would all fall down.

I am not wild about either option but I can't live with being bed bound unable to stand up 3 days a month due to pain. Like I said I can do pain but this is insanely painful.

My GP has always cautioned against a hysterectomy saying it negatively affects women's sex lives. Yes I have a wonderful DR who talks about sex and treats you as a whole person.

The rectocele totally caught me by surprise. I went in to find out about my uterus and came out with a damaged vagina. It is like someone destroyed my idea if my perfect playground. I am very pro natural birth but for a moment I felt like maybe the beautiful calm way my kids came into this world caused this, maybe elective c-sections would have been better. It was just a moment and it passed. I know the way I did things was right for them and me. But I feel so isolated, SA has a very high csection rate (60-80% amongst those with medical insurance) and so there are very few people I can talk to who wont just quietly think thank goodness I had a csection. And I know prolapse can happen to anyone not just those who have birth naturally.

My mom had a hysterectomy due to bleeding, but I don't think they have a very active sex life. She has the neck hump, bad back and terrible knees. None of which she blames on the hysterectomy.

I just needed a place to tell my story. I am saving up for the book. Postage to Africa is expensive so I want to get a bundle. In the mean time it is just nice to read other stories and to strengthen my resolve not to have a hysterectomy.

P.s after a week of great honeymoon sex I have avoided dh since the diagnosis. I feel broken. It is illogical as I know he has never complained and often says he wishes he could go longer so I know there must be enough sensation for him. It is 4:48am I think I should wake him before the kids wake up. I can't let this become more of a mental block.

Sorry for the essay.

Forum:

fab

March 8, 2013 - 11:10pm

Welcome to the site SAMama, Congratulations on your wedding!

First off “if vaginal tension decreases with age…..” Nobody knows the future so put your imagining aside for one moment. If or when it happens, you will deal with it then. In the interim you will take precautions, but you have other more urgent fish to fry.

Rectocele: Lots of women on this site have rectocele. It’s manageable and liveable. Good WWposture and good diet to make defecation easy are the keys. You will find lots about these on this site. Just type rectocele into the search box and check out Christine’s blogs as well. Also be reassured that men are not known to notice prolapse.

Is it correct that adenomyosis is a non cancerous growth? In that case you have time to think more clearly about your options. From what I read through briefly, it largely depends upon how strong the pain is and how close to menopause you may be whether you would opt for a hysterectomy. If you cannot live with the pain, even with strong painkillers then the doctor will recommend a hysterectomy for this is all he has left in his cupboard. So it comes back to what you can handle most and decide what best to do from there bearing in mind the full implications and risks involved in hysterectomy some of which you have already mentioned.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adenomyosis

But we cannot advise you on this. Maybe, someone here has experienced this and they will come on soon.

Good luck and yes do explore the site. Also put adenomyosis in the search box above, there are number of threads where this has been discussed.

Best wishes, Fab

SAMama

March 9, 2013 - 12:00am

So we broke the drought
Dh said I have wanted to make love to you since the Gynae visit, I knew you would be feeling insecure and you need to know everything is okay. I started to cry, he is such a good man. Then we started to laugh as he said a guy wants moans of passion not tears. I feel much better.

Thanks for answering fab, I will try the Mirena first which is a coil with localized progesterone in the uterus. This should decrease bleeding and hopefully pain.

fab

March 9, 2013 - 3:53am

you guys it looks like your honeymoon is never going to be over.

Surviving60

March 9, 2013 - 5:26am

Hi SAM - welcome and congrats! I found your post so moving. That guy of yours......he's a keeper! The world needs a few more like him, and maybe not so many of those docs who tell women how many fingers are supposed to fit in a vagina. Sheesh!

I don't know anything about adenomyosis but as Fab suggests, you can look for discussion threads using the search box. I've certainly read enough about hysterectomy to make me tempted to tattoo my belly with the phrase "do not remove this uterus"! If that option is still on the table, please read what Christine has to say as well as the HERS Foundation. Watch Christine's interview with Nora Coffey (look under Resources), read "The H Word".

There is plenty to read and learn here while you are waiting for your bundle. Don't put it off. I started feeling better the minute I discovered WW and the improvements have continued in direct relation to the time and effort that I've put into it.

You have so much going for you! Ask anything here. - Surviving

SAMama

March 9, 2013 - 8:33am

Thanks Surviving and Fab

I have never wanted a hysterectomy, I knew from the start that this was not an option for me. I am just glad I found another way to deal with prolapse and was even able to refer a friend today.

I am looking forward to getting the book and really getting stuck into the program