Sex with uterine prolapse plus emotional restraints

Hi lilypad! There are lots of sex threads on this forum, if you use the search box up above to look for discussions while you wait for replies here. Generally speaking, I think most women report few if any problems. I don’t have uterine prolapse and don’t want to go out on a limb here, but, if the cervix is staying several inches inside, and in addition you are lying down, the whole thing might just go off without a hitch! Do some more reading here. I wish that you were able to devote yourself more to posture. I totally get what you are saying about your situation….not at all conducive to the kind of complete immersion that I needed to get this thing under control. But you are young and you have all your parts, and now is the time. And I want you to try something. Stand naked in front of a mirror in very excellent WW posture, with belly relaxed, chest pulled up, shoulders down…take in that beautiful curvature. Next, scrunch it all up – suck in your belly, tuck your butt, pull your shoulders back – can you honestly look at that and say it’s more attractive? When I tried this on my old 60+ body, belly fat and all, I realized that if WW posture looks better on ME than the way I used to stand, I was able to shed that old notion once and for all, that sucking and tucking had any advantage whatsoever in the looks department. You can too! - Surviving

I have given some advice for ladies with severe uterine prolapse and it was meant only for ladies in that position where the uterus protrudes outside the labia and so manoeuvring to get the uterus inside and positioned needs gentle manual manipulation allied with suitable body position. With a milder uterine prolapse, I hope there will be some other ladies who can come in here and share their knowledge. For the severe prolapse I recommended positioning on your back, as when you approach the situation on all fours the uterus will very likely fall forward and outside the labia and it is very difficult to hold lumbar curve to lock the uterus in its true position when your mind is on other things. I doubt that is the situation with a milder uterine prolapse where the uterus is still well inside the vagina canal. I know some ladies in this latter position have talked about the woman being uppermost. Hopefully, they will come in on this. I the meanwhile experiment around on your own and see where your prolapsed appears most comfortable.
As to posture why not think Sophia Loren, when in Rome do as the Romans do, or Anita Ekberg a ‘Swedish beauty’ who did not speak much in the way of Italian, but who dramatically caught the eye of the Italian film maker, Federico Fellini and made some rather stirring films to set the Latin blood on fire. Both were rather well endowed. Forget fitting in with the mob in this instance. In fact, if you sit in a busy place and observe the women around you, you will find when young girls are out together some will be in posture and some will be in masculine no stomach mode. It’s almost in any pair, one of each as if even with girlfriends opposites attract. If there is some beautiful Italian boy you’re sweet on, just be beautiful you in posture. Sounds a bit like mum’s advice, but definitely in your best interests at this stage when figuring it out, and doing the posture walk means a win/win. Maybe, you could buy a new dress with that?

This one is kind of hard for me. I have a very low uterine prolapse, and I have been having sex in spite of it. But, while yours is the result of a car accident,a nd subsequent surgeries, mine is from years of heavy lifting and slouching.
With that said, I can tell you my experience with sex has been mostly positive so far. At first I was afraid to let my husband touch for the first 3 months. The first time we did it slowly and shortly, and it didn't feel any different for either of us. We have been getting a little more vigorous since then, and still really have not noticed any difference, until I decided to get on top. He said he felt something rubbing the tip of his penis, but that it was very stimulating for him. The next time I tried on top, my uterus had moved out of the way, and it felt normal. So, it really varies in actual intercourse.
What I have not done yet though is let him put his fingers anywhere near my vagina, because I am embarrassed about him potentially touching my cervix. I don't think he would mind as much as I would, but right now I am too uncomfortable with the thought of it. I don't know how other men would feel about this.
Getting your uterus up there as high as you can with jiggling and firebreathing seems to be your best bet.
You are so young, so it is hard to give advice about sex with partners you are not in a long term relationship with, and how they would react. Really not trying to scare you, but wanted you to know for the most part sex can feel just as normal as it always has.

Hey lilypad, this is just speaking from my experience and what I've read: sex can be good for prolapse as it pushes it back up, I haven't noticed any difference or pain with sex (although i used to feel pain before I had prolapse), my husband has said he doesn't notice any difference compared with how it was pre prolapse, I do use lubrication now for sex so that probably helps. Also, it could even be more pleasurable for males as the prolapse could make the area tighter i think. Also, with the posture I totally understand your feelings about it and I often find myself sucking in as I have done for so many years. BUT, when walking correctly in posture I feel like a model on a catwalk! Standing tall and lifting up your chest does wonders for your confidence and does make your body look more attractive. And I agree with Fab, a new dress will go well with that!

I wish I could post this anonymously n I REALLY really hope I don't offend anyone n I will apologize ahead of time for the possible offense! In response to sucking n tucking and attracting a partner, I used to be a nude exotic dancer in a very nationally known club. A young woman started working n she held herself in the whole woman posture belly out n all n she was stunning n CAPTIVATING!!!! All of us who were sucking in were astonished at how graceful n sexy she looked, it was completely mesmerizing! Everytime she got on stage every man in the club stopped what they were doing n stared at her!!! All of us started copying her posture n every man that came in would comment on how elegant n sexy we all looked!! Also, I never had a problem w my prolapse while I danced(while keeping posture) only yrs after I quit my body went back to that same bad suck n tuck mentality did my prolapse rear its ugly head!!! So here I am working on my extra sexy whole woman posture n I feel like a sexy exotic dancer all over again!!!! Yay for Christine n her excellent work!!!!!

Love this post!!! This is the best endorsement of the gorgeousness of WW posture that we could ever possibly ask for on this forum. Folks, you have heard it from the source!! Love you for sharing this with us. - Surviving

:) thank you!

Thanks for your unique insight, WMLB! We are all so lucky to have our beautiful, functional native posture!

I absolutely love your commitment to the POP epidemic n I love the fact that u actually write on the forums! I am so thankful for your concern n love for the female race!! I am glad I decided to post it! In my face to face experiences I am met w reluctance when I mention exotic dancing n I wanted to stress my point w out offending any one n it seems that I did that! I am very glad n I REALLY hope it helps persuade women who are still feeling the need to conform to the suck n tuck rediculousness!! The female body is so absolutely beautiful n the curves our bodies r capable of displaying when we r in the whole woman posture r super elegant n unmatched in beautiful eye catching creations!! I hope my real world experience helps!!

I swear I'm going to put on a bathing suit this summer! Someone stop me, please!!!!

I meant to thank u for kind response! It gave me more confidence about posting! I also have a great bathing suit story! I am 5'1" n I used to be 120 lbs. I am now 150 lbs. I have a squishy belly that sticks out more than I would like but my husband LOVES my new body n can't stop touching all my squishy parts!!! I haven't worn a bathing suit in yrs. Well last week we went to the beach n I wore a bathing suit! I was feeling very self conscious but was walking in WW posture when I was approached by a group of young men who started cat calling me n commenting on how sexy n proud I looked!! So I hope NO ONE stops you!! You have earned your beautiful body n get on that suit n strut your stuff!!!

WMLB, you are adorable and your posts are a breath of fresh air for us ol' broads here, and the young ones too. Especially the young ones, because they are probably the hardest to convince that a discovery of prolapse can lead to such a REdiscovery of our awesomely gorgeous selves!! - Surviving

PS - Look for some of Louise's belly-dancing threads. Now there's someone who knows how to strut her stuff.

I am so very thankful for your wonderful compliment! I have a weird sense of humor that some love n others find off putting!! I am so very gracious for such amazing support! Before I found y'all my only support was my husband.... who is absolutely amazing n the best husband ever! But I am so glad to have found supportive women! Y'all r awesome! I'll tell u something else funny... I sat there staring at the acronym WMLB in both yours n Christina's post trying to figure out what it was short for!! Then it hit me ITS MY NAME!!!! I thought it was one of those text things like lol or lmao!!!! I'm so spacey sometimes!!! Hope it made someone chuckle!!!! ;)

Made me laugh! Thanks! LLL

It is so true. If we cannot love our bodies, how can we love ourselves, and how can we truly love another?

There is zero TMI on these Forums, if it is written in the spirit of honest enquiry and giving of the self. To my knowledge nobody has posted unacceptable TMI posts. There's a challenge, eh? I do remember one woman who posted an horrific account of sexual abuse, but whose story was not entirely consistent with itself. We are pretty sure she was not being truthful.

Lilypad, if you stay in posture when you are out and about, and a man thinks you attractive, why would he then turn around an criticise your beautiful belly? Think of all those beautiful Italian Renaissance paintings of women! Do Italians hate those bellies? I think you might understandably be not quite comfortable in Italy, and not yet quite comfortable in your own body.

Methinks that any man who is just after a f*** with a woman whose body he wants to criticise, is no man I would want in my bed. Take care with whom you choose to share your beautiful woman's body. You don't owe it to any man to admires you to take your clothes off for him.

I know that at your age I was very self-conscious about my belly, and very insecure about finding a lover. I made lots of bad decisions. If I realised then what I now know, I am sure that my earlier adult years would have been sexually more enjoyable and enriching, and I would have had a much better sense of my own value and my own beauty as a woman, not as a woman who chased appearance and was self-critical.

I hope that you can learn these lessons at an earlier age than I did. Oh, it makes me go all weak at the knees, the thought of being a young woman living in Italy. Perhaps you are mixing with the wrong crowd?

Louise

I know this is off topic n I am extremely apprehensive about posting but I felt an urge to respond. I don't know why anyone would be dishonest about such a terrible thing as sexual abuse. I experienced it firsthand from my grandfather. I was 9 yrs old. No one believed me until he admitted it! Then my grandmother treated me like it was my fault n forced me to hug him n apologize for being mad at him!!!!! This terrible experience shaped my entire life for such a long time! I got PTSD from it. I am terrified of people especially groups of people I don't know! I was also diagnosed w aspergers which they think was predominantly hereditary but also influenced by my extremely harmful childhood. My father was schizophrenic and suicidal. After several attempts at it where I saved his life by calling police he finally succeeded. After which I lived w my grandparents. This is when the sexual abuse started becoming a daily part of life. I have made so many wrong choices n wrong turns bc of the hurt n pain I was harboring! I always became the victim. I never stood up for myself. It like I based my self worth on that experience n punished myself over n over again! Not until the birth of my first child did I end the patern of self abuse! I got counseling n learned to love myself! I still have a very hard time making friends n I am extremely sensitive. But I am so thankful for a place like this where I can find such great support!! I don't know why I posted this n again I hope it doesn't offend anyone but it does feel good to get it out one more time! I think i posted it bc It used to hurt me when women were dishonest about being abused bc no one believed me until he admitted it. also it had such a negative impact on my life i would NEVER want to make it up! i wish with all my heart i could take it away!!!Thank y'all for the amazing support I've gotten!!

WMLB, thank you so much for sharing this story - it was difficult for me to read. It certainly puts our little prolapse issues into perspective. I am so happy for you that you've been able to escape your past and get on with life. I have found your posts to be quite amazing and you have added so much to our discussions in just your short time around here. With all that you have had taken from you, you have managed to grow up to be a lovely, loving and giving woman. Your family is so lucky to have you. And so are we!! Lots of love and hugs coming your way!! - Surviving

I second what dear Surviving has said here. You have shared a painful and difficult time and even more, you have shared your growth beyond it. Best wishes to you dear WMLB and I am happy you found your way to this forum.

Wow!!! I sincerely thank both of y'all for your amazing support! Surviving your response has brought tears to my eyes(good tears) :). I am so gracious to have such wonderful women in my life! I was terrified that my post would draw a negative response... I still have a deep seeded fear of rejection but all your support has helped me so very much! Y'all have no clue how much u have done for my life in these short weeks!! I greatly treasure your wisdom! So many people r so caught up in their own drama n never concern themselves w problems of the world! But yall( especially YOU surviving) are constantly helping other people! You are amazing! And I hope the people in YOUR lives realize just how lucky they are to have such a wonderful caring n giving woman like YOU in their lives!!!! Thank you again for your life changing support! One of the positives I took from being abused was that I will ALWAYS be able to make sure it NEVER happens to my babies n if it ever does I will know EXACTLY what to do to help them!! I am so glad I found y'all!!! The love that has been shown to me here makes up for the friendless years!! Y'all are awesome!!

Thankyou for posting, WMLB. I am inspired every day by women's stories of survival despite the odds. I do hope that you will find the WW Forums a place of fellowship, information and healing.

Why would anyone lie about a sexual abuse experience? Let's just say that the Moderators took this woman on board and listened to the woman's story before challenging her. As the weeks went by it became apparent that she was not taking up any of the Whole woman suggestions that were made for her. We cared for her very well and gave her the space to find answers to her questions, but it turned out that she appeared to be winding us up and embellishing her story to gain attention, and leading us to conclude that her story was indeed fictional. She was not trying to find solutions, simply to find an audience. When I surmised online to her that her story may not have been genuine she disappeared without another word. I don't think the long period of listening to this woman, and collectively assessing where she was coming from, can be compared to the way you were treated by your family, which was truly unjust.

Sexual abuse does happen, and more commonly than any of us would want to believe. Being abused sexually is never the fault of the sufferer. Sure, some people can make bad decisions that put them in the wrong place at the wrong time, that can result in being badly treated, but the abuse is an active, unkind, immoral and purposeful expression by the perpetrator. Only the perpetrator can truly be *in control* of whether or not they did what they did.

Having someone disclose sexual abuse to me or someone else (like your Mum) is a very great act of trust on the part of the discloser. There is no way that a responsible person can dismiss a sexual abuse accusation lightly, and put the blame back on the discloser. A disclosure has to be seen as a cry for help until it is shown clearly to be anything else.

I am gob-smacked that your mother could dismiss your claim so readily and turn it against you, but sadly this same story crops up time and time again, proving that sexual abuse is about the power that one person wields ruthlessly over others. I wonder what power this man wielded over your Mum? No need to answer that. I know it is now probably irrelevant.

I am so glad that you are able to move on with your life, seriously wounded perhaps, but positively.

Best wishes

Louise

I am so very appreciative of every caring response I get! I myself have seen a few attention getters that wield fictional stories of abuse! I used to almost take personal offense when I found out n I used to use the logic that if less women lied more people would've believed me. I have long since realized that is not the case n I have found that now I feel a deep sorrow for those women to be missing something so severely from their lives they need to make up a story about something that was absolutely THE MOST painful thing that has ever happened to me!! I think "mum" is ur slang for grandma right? Bc it was my grandma that didn't believe me n then forced me to forgive him n apologize for being mad at him! He was my fathers father. I believe that maybe the abuse had been going on for years even to his own children! My father was schizophrenic n I think he may have been a victim too! He had already committed suicide before I came forward but my aunt n uncles acted as if I was wrong for fighting it! My thoughts now looking back is that it was a family secret n I was the only one who fought back! My mother had been in the gulf war n when she found out she came n got me n tried to press charges. Red bluff California is a very small town n my grandfather knew everyone. Needless to say he got off w just community service. The family also continued to allow their children around him which angered me to a core! He took time n planned what he did carefully "hunting" me! He knew exactly what he was doing n I don't believe he should ever be around children! I feel guilty talking about this but this event and others like it have helped to shape the strength I have today! They all have something to do with the fact that I refuse to just give up n allow a surgeon to destroy MY BODY!! Now I'm going to bring it back to prolapse! I am so glad I found this place! I was so scared at first but the support n knowledge I have received from you amazing women has put my fear at ease! Y'all have given me the tools n I am so thankful! I am constantly working on posture n my trips to the bathroom have drastically improved after cutting out caffeine n sugar!! I am happy to be making progress n so grateful to have a wonderful place like this to come to!!

I have hesitated to comment on your posts here Wantmylifeback as you talk about a very difficult young life which will present possible footfalls in your development of your future life. I say this because I have found that in some stages of life where I have faced difficulties in my personal development (e.g. mid life crisis, alienation of the spouse or child, loss of job and so on, you will note just ordinary everyday occurrences) that events from my childhood which I had long forgotten would resurface and confront me with more intense emotions than in some instances that I remember actually feeling at the time. I have relived the hurt and the pain, the anger, the resentment, the self blame. Going through these periods of life which invoke these memories, a phenomena which appears to be common to all of us, I ultimately gained a greater insight as to why my very human parents acted as they did and how best I must myself act in the future not just with my children, but in my adult life. For someone like yourself who was subjected to extreme events: lost their father and no doubt felt abandoned even though rationally you know that your father was suffering and then to lose your mother to the Gulf, and all the anxiety that would have caused you even though again rationally you knew your mom was doing the best she could and then the subsequent betrayals of your grandfather and grandmother who were very certainly not doing the best they could, these memories too, I think, will return from time to time to haunt you like lethal strikes. I would just like to say that the way you have survived the original events and searched for justice and your happy present augers well for your better future and that perhaps if one of these life stages should arise and it invokes these childhood memories for you to realise that this is a natural part of the process of becoming the future you, because we are always growing and maturing, and part of this process requires reflecting upon our past where we all felt a child’s sense of abandonment, deprivation and abuse and it does not lie solely in the extreme nature of these tragic events that happened to you personally. That my everyday childhood memories could be so acute and ultimately life widening would perhaps come as a surprise to you, but I assure you that is normal. That your memories will be of events far more extreme and that you will feel their pain and suffer depression to see that it is part of a normal process, but with difference that for you the tragic memories will be perhaps far more unbearable, may prove of some help. Please, if those times do come remember that you are like the Camel, that you will kneel down and shoulder too this burden and you will rise and carry it and you will win through.

I am so inspired by n I admire ur insightfulness!! I can only pray that I am blessed w such unbiased wisdom as you seem to be! I was extremely hesitant about posting those posts! I was expecting a plethora of "that's off topic" or " not what we should talk about" or " jeeze you've got problems"!! But I had a strong urge to post! And I'm so glad I did! The support n love y'all have shown me was much needed! I am so grateful for the beautiful responses n the awesome support! Thank you so very much! No matter how many times I say it it's still not enough! I don't think y'all realize how much y'all's little kindnesses have done for my life! My life has been full of hurtful people but the unconditional love I have received from the women on this site has more than made up for the hurtful memories! I do notice that before every milestone I reach I am confronted by unresolved hurts n issues from my past! I believe it's a sort of cleaning house mentally and emotionally!! I feel that talking about them help me work through them n release a lot of the hurt! I am so thankful for your thoughtfulness!! I hope I haven't gone to far off topic but it has been a helpful part in my recovery from my old perspective on life,myself, my prolapse! I now have a new outlook on my life ,myself , n my prolapse n y'all's knowledge n support has been instrumental in that!! Thank y'all for helping me move on!!!