DAMAGE, DENIAL, AND PERPETUATING THE SURGICAL CURE

Submitted by Christine on July 8, 2006 - 5:21pm

There seems to be a behavior that some women who have experienced radical reconstructive pelvic surgery for prolapse adopt as a survival mechanism to help them cope with the very difficult reality that the “repairs” they hoped would cure them have actually changed them in ways beyond their ability to comprehend.

The following is a classic case.

A couple of years ago a woman began searching the Internet for a surgical solution to the same post-partum vaginal wall collapse so many of our young mothers are experiencing. She never posted here, but did mention Whole Woman™ elsewhere. Let’s just say she didn’t understand the concepts and was determined to find a surgical cure.

Early on, she described her condition in this way: “I have a moderate rectocele and cystocele and my cervix has slipped a third of the way down but it is not hanging out and I do not have any bowel or urinary incontinence. I am anxious to have this problem fixed. I am most bothered by the constipation and discomfort of the bulge of the rectocele.”

Although she couldn’t “Find a story from anyone who was happy with the results of surgery and did not need multiple surgeries” and admitted, “My problem is not THAT bad though it is bad enough to cause a nagging depression and lack of will to walk or exercise due to the sagging feeling down there”, she found a surgeon in her area to perform a vaginal uterine suspension with anterior and posterior colporrhaphy.

She told how this particular surgery was “experimental” and that her doctor had only performed one other previously: “I did feel a bit of a push from him to get the surgery because he showed me pictures of what might happen if I don’t get it and that scared the heck out of me.” “I’m scared”, she wrote, “but I want to feel normal again – I have been living with this for a year – which to me is a long time even though it is only stage 2 – I can’t wait any longer.”

She had the surgery in March of 2005, which entailed vaginal repairs plus porcine mesh connecting her cervix to her sacrum with bone anchors. Recovery was painful and difficult, but at 9 weeks post-op she resurfaced again to exclaim “FINALLY I can say I FEEL GOOD! I Feel CURED!!!!!!!!!! I can wear tight-jeans – I can have sex and LIKE IT.” She goes on, “I also look normal and feel less self-conscious…My doctor says it looks like I never gave birth….It’s a great feeling that came on kind of suddenly. It was just last week that I was wondering if maybe I still had bulges.”

On December 13th of the same year she writes, “To be honest I cannot imagine anything helping the major prolapses I had, except surgery…I feel like a new woman and cannot describe to you how much happier I am…I can evacuate my bowels like a normal person now.” However, a December 17th post reveals, “I do take 3 stool softeners every day.”

Yesterday brought another long post from her (likely solicited from forum moderators who do their best to keep the myth of the “surgical cure” alive amidst overwhelming data to the contrary) in which she revisits her pre-surgical condition: “Having my insides literally falling out of me caused me to feel angry, embarrassed, sexually unattractive, uncomfortable, and unhygienic. I felt as if I was 90 years old and had no desire to exercise or even stand or walk for long periods of time.”

The reason for her posting, she says, “Is that I wanted other women healing from surgery to know something. I just NOW can have sex again without thinking about the surgery (well I sometimes do but it is not at the forefront of my brain)…and I just NOW have stopped taking stool softeners. It is just NOW that I can go an entire day without feeling like my vagina is sagging or going to pop out.”

The unfortunate reality is that she is at HUGE risk of her vagina popping out. Her body knows this but her mind cannot accept it. Her vaginal canal has been surgically narrowed resulting in loss of its natural ability to fold against intraabdominal pressure. Her uterus is abnormally connected to a stationary structure and the constant tugging on her front vaginal wall will probably necessitate further surgery.

The reason she has trouble forgetting about her altered body during sex is that with each thrust the interior of her pelvis is obliged to move as one unit, which causes tremendous pull on her spine. Her outer vaginal walls no longer have the normal fascia-lined spaces between them and her bladder and rectum, so her vagina cannot slide independently of these organs. This is the reality of colporrhaphy and the reason vaginal repairs have a notoriously high failure rate.

Cognitive dissonance is a deep and intrinsic psychological process that can occur when the mind is confronted with two realities, both of which are true but in conflict with each other. In such a situation, the mind fabricates a third reality in which that conflict disappears. The obvious problem is that the fabricated reality is usually profoundly dysfunctional.

Nowhere is this more evident than in women who are left after multiple prolapse surgeries with realities like irreversible sexual mutilation, incontinence, and having to manually evacuate their bowels for the rest of their life, yet can only emphasize how great it is to be “prolapse free.”

In this time of increasingly powerful surgical specialties, it is imperative that women come together to face a collective reality, which in turn will create the possibility for both individual and cultural maturation. Getting to a place of acceptance is not only the goal of all healing modalities but is also the mental, emotional, and spiritual process through which we grow up.

Prolapse is a very difficult reality to have to accept, especially as a young, active mother. However, acceptance is the elixir of life. No words better illustrate this truth than those of a young mother who has refused the surgical solution:

“Due to prolapse, I have cultivated much more awareness of my femaleness and comfort with my body!... I feel more feminine and beautiful. I wear different clothes. Prettier, more flowing, less restrictive... It's the way I hold myself now, too... I hold my head proudly. I'm more connected to my whole self.”

How can a society ever work toward prolapse prevention when legislation, ostensibly aimed at educating society about these conditions, is actually championed by pelvic surgeons and supported by surgically-damaged women who do not care or are ignorant of the fact that such legislation is simply throwing taxpayer money at age-old methodology? Those researchers are not interested in discovering TRULY less invasive healing strategies, but only in maintaining the status quo. Our daughters deserve far better.

Comments

mom30

July 9, 2006 - 9:40am

Hi! I just wanted to add my comment. Last June my mom(57) had surgery for her prolapse. She had a hysteretomy too. She was sooooo strange about the whole thing, telling me that she did it so it's fine if I want to do it one day too. I told her that I wasn't intersted in in, and besides that, her doctor told her that I should wait to have anything repaired until I am done having children(I'm 30). I have two children and I'm not sure if I want to do it again or not. I feel like my mom was just doing all of that for me. I asked her what she had done, and she really didn't know. She said, "well, he said he was going to take the uterus out but I don't know if he did or not". My mother just drives me crazy!!!! Sorry for the vent. I told her that I feel fine and not to worry about it. I think her talking about it so much made it that much worse. Anyhow, last year when she had the surgery, they told her not to lift anything over 8 pounds, but my sister and I both had babies that were around 15 pounds or so. She said she felt something in there. So, after that she wouldn't do anything at all!! No exercise, walking, treadmill, etc. I think she gained 20 pounds!!! I asked her if she asked the dr if it was okay to exercise, she said she didn't really know. I said you could walk, right??? She said, "I don't know". Ahhhh!!! I love my mother, but I hope I'm never like that!!

My mom's sister got a hysterectomy when she was in her early 30's b/c of abnormal cells or something. So, she was kind of cheering my mom on for the surgery. My mom said, well, Aunt had it done and she's just fine. I said that she didn't have prolapse though. She said everybody gets something in life.

I just find that when I talk to her, she is just constantly trying to get me to reconsider surgery. Eventhough hers didn't hold up so well.

Sorry for the long mom vent!!!!!! It's just been so irritating and I just needed to get that out. Thank you everyone(Christine) for the encouraging support, you all are strong wonderful women!

Candice

BaNa48

September 20, 2006 - 7:03am

Candice, I'm 62 now and have been here for over a year! My gyno suggested surgery for 2nd and 3rd degree prolapse and was scheduled for May 05! Never went back to him and have more good days than bad!
Anyway, my daughter had a procedure done (I couldn't talk her out of it)called "Novasure"????????? They burn the uterus and clamp off the tubes????? Don't know if this is exactly right but I'll go on! 2 weeks afterward she was still bleeding! She called doctor who said this is normal, and will subside!! She went on a vacation 1200 miles from home, started hemorrhaging, all alone mind you, drove herself to emergency, where they gave her a pill to slow the bleeding, and told her to see a gyno right away. After that he said she needed more surgery, she lost a lot of blood! I flew down to be with her, she had the uterus removed, and the procedure from the first surgery removed, (after only 3 weeks) and the second gyno found a growth at least 8 weeks in size, and was astonished that the first surgeon didn't see or didn't want to see, (maybe thinking more surgery and money for her)! Anyway he removed the growth and uterus and procedure, and after 2 units of blood, is recouperating well. I tried my best to talk her out of the first surgery, but Mom is old fashioned, they say, so wouldn't listen. Anyway, found out the first surgeon is no longer here in our area!!!! Imagine that! Sorry for all the jabbering on, but I'm angry with the medical profession and my daughter for not listening! I could go on and on about my mistrust in the medical profession but I won't! As long as there are weak women out there, the medical profession will thrive!! Nancy

louiseds

July 11, 2006 - 11:00pm

Dear Christine

You know I think very much along your lines on this but, sorry, I have to play Devil's Advocate here. You don't say where this woman's story was posted - here?

I feel that you may have made some assumptions in this blog entry. Firstly you have assumed that this woman is for real. Whether or not she is an actual individual or a composite avatar designed to discredit your theories is immaterial. She has stated what she has stated, and you and I know that anything we read on the Web may be true or not, depending on the credentials of the site. What she is saying may very well be true, and nobody knows whether or not she will run into difficulties later on. It is early days yet for her. The highly variable failure and complication rates for the surgeries you describe in STWW indicate that there probably are a lot of women out there who have had successful results from surgery for many years. You have had to work hard and long to document the papers so well. I bet there have not been the longterm followup studies done on women who have had one lot of surgery because the studies would have to be funded by the same funding bodies that are flat out inventing new surgeries so they can sell more gynaecological surgery and surgical materials. Why would they try and discredit the story they have invented that is bringing in so many $$$? Your Forums certainly chronicle many women who have had repeated surgery, but women who are happy with the results of first surgery don't tend to visit your Forums. They are not speaking to you, if they exist.

What am I getting at here? I think it is important that you take great care not to assume theories that you can't substantiate with the same sort of research results as you have in STWW re the risks of surgery. I hope you can prove me wrong on this. It is important to keep your words of motivation and encouragement separate from your theories, and your theories separate from the facts.

Roll on the day when funders of medical research will question the wisdom of spending public health funds on hospital beds for pelvic cosmetic surgery, and instead spend public health funds on teaching women to manage our own bodies and heal ourselves, and stay out of the operating theatre where possible.

Roll on the day when the longterm studies are done, and will show all of us whether or not gynaecologists are simply pandering to the vanity and insecurity of women who are not able to think for themselves, and creating their own future return customers.

Thank God I found your site and have been spared the scalpel and the risks of surgery. Whatever happens to my body from now on cannot be any worse than the picture you have painted of repeated surgery. If I have to go down that path later, so be it. I'll deal with it then. If I can get another ten years or so out of this body without needing to alter it surgically, then that will be wonderful. Thankyou. If I get to the grave with my pelvic contents all there, I will have made it, and thankyou again.

I am sorry if this sounds negative, but I think it is important to be aware of the risk of damaging our own credibility by making our wishes into our reality without proof, in the same way that women who have had surgery run the risk of convincing themselves and others that they are better off, when they may be just fooling themselves A (and others) into adopting the same fantasy to justify their surgical suffering and $$$ spent.

Keep up the rage.

Cheers

Louise

Christine

July 12, 2006 - 2:44pm

Dear Louise,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I’ve been hoping someone would call me on this very subject so we can wrestle with it all the more. Pointing out the fallacy of the surgical cure to intelligent women so they might avoid the very deep changes that indeed do occur with ALL radical reconstruction (this would include paravaginal repair, the colporrhaphies, sacrocolpopexy, sacrospinous fixation, rectopexy, hysterectomy and uterine suspension) is one thing. PROVING the surgeries to be truly damaging requires that we deconstruct the deeply ingrained belief that the RIGHT surgeon employing the RIGHT technique is what makes the difference whether a surgery is good or bad.

It is a well-known phenomenon in medicine that post-surgery women are sometimes satisfied with their results even though they’ve been changed far and away from what is anatomically normal. Who can account for this? It goes without saying that many women are somewhat out of touch with their physical selves and prefer to spend the major part of their lives sedentary – reading, knitting, shuffling off for a stroll here or there. Surgery very well may be a viable option for some.

However Louise, there is an old saying “A (wo)man cannot serve two masters”, and it is these same women who have a very difficult time as they age with such easily taken-for-granted things as balance, locomotion, and getting down and up from the floor. To one degree or another, post-surgery women are inherently unstable at a very deep level, and such instability INCREASES with time, not the other way around as some would like to believe. Not to mention endocrine changes that are an inevitable outcome of ovaries losing their major blood supply (all forms of hysterectomy), whether women wish to accept that reality or not. The young, active, reconstructed woman who feels great does not have time on her side.

My “rage” with the pro-choice argument is that WOMEN DO NOT KNOW ENOUGH TO MAKE AN INFORMED CHOICE! Here are a few examples:

• The medical literature states that after the widely practiced (and baseless) paravaginal repair it is almost inevitable that a significant mid-line cystocele will develop. This has nothing to do with “defects” in the front vaginal wall.

• The front vaginal wall lays on top of the back vaginal wall to form a flattened, closed space. Front and back colporrhaphy alter the shape of the vagina so that it becomes a narrow, vertical cylinder. Women who’ve had such surgery are left with a small, patuous (open) introitus and a vagina very prone to telescoping down upon itself.

• Surgeries used to suspend the vaginal vault, with or without hysterectomy, tether the vagina to the sacrum. Logic dictates that chronic spinal flexion would result, leading to unnatural pulling at the front of the pelvis. The literature bears this out with almost all these women requiring either prophylactic or subsequent incontinence or cystocele surgery.

• It has been known for almost a century that the uterosacral ligaments are very poor suspensory agents, for they are the carriers of important blood and nerve vessels coming off the spine. All tissue in the body that carries blood and nerve vessels is more stretchy than strong. One of the major causes of lower back pain with uterine prolapse is stretching of the retroperitoneal nerve plexes contained within these “ligaments.” Operations that “strengthen” the uterosacral ligaments by wrapping them with permanent suture material stretch the nerves further and set women up for chronic pain. What’s more, it is another highly documented phenomenon that a surgically immobilized uterus will often cause pathologic lengthening of the cervix (I have pictures of cervixes 15 cm long.)

• Doctors themselves are finally admitting (the best of them admitted years ago) that the entire medical field is in shambles around this area of women’s health. The literature is biased, the studies faulty, the surgeries often fail, and surgeons can’t figure out why. As I stated in Saving the Whole Woman, it is because their conceptual framework is built upon wrong assumptions of core female anatomy.

• However, even this awakening does not stop unethical practices. Imagine condemning a certain sort of mesh as having an unacceptably high failure rate and vehemently advocating for discontinuing its use in young, sexually active women (the exposed mesh causes great discomfort to a penis rubbing up against it.) For women, erosion is horrific, painful, impossible to control, and requires massive dissection to remove. So can you fathom a health professional declaring that such a material is appropriate for SOME women as long as they aren’t sexually active??? Think about it, Louise. When all is said and done those sorts of male-centric, medical attitudes will be remembered as the EPITOMY of callous ignorance.

• Most significantly, gynecology/urogynecology does not understand the cause of prolapse! How amazing is that? Medicine understands deeply about cancer, viruses, brain, heart and kidney disease. How is it that this very simple orthopedic problem has been made so impossibly difficult and mysterious? It’s because they’ve NEEDED to keep their wrong views as the foundation of their surgical theories.

• So…post-surgery women are told it’s okay to be active. Go out and play a good game of tennis! Not only does the medical viewpoint completely discount the greater framework upon which pelvic organ support actually depends, but they also have a very shallow understanding of the evolution of intraabdominal forces. The many species of animals (the carnivores) that swatted down prey by reaching far out in front of their bodies with clawed paws had to develop extremely muscular tails and pelvic diaphragms to allow them to do so without blowing their organs out their backsides. Women are told not to lift more than a few pounds ever again, but that it’s fine to create four times the pressure by vigorously swinging a tennis racket. When is it EVER okay to ignore the laws of physics?

• We will NEVER be able to prove that some women aren’t better off after reconstructive surgery.

• We WILL be able to prove that every single one of those operations disrupts the dynamics of the female pelvic organ support system enough to cause gross destabilization that worsens with age. That’s what thinking women really need to know.

I invite your feedback and as always,

Cheers back.

Christine

louiseds

July 12, 2006 - 9:19pm

Hi again Christine,

Thanks for taking me back to the basics again. I think it is important to do this every now and then, both for women new to the site who haven't yet much of a picture of the journey, but also for us who have been hanging round for a while and can forget things we learned early in our own journey.

Membership of the Forums is growing daily. Eventually every online woman in the world should know all this stuff. What's more, the way search engines work, they pick up the most popular sites, so as you are already easily findable that shouldn't change negatively while women still come. (That's why it is becoming increasingly difficult to find unusual sites. The same sites keep coming up in searches.)

What we are all doing could be the beginning of new ways of doing prolapse, as more women visiting gynos challenge the authority of them. Gynos will eventually be saying to each other, "Who is this Christine Kent woman?"

The widening acceptance of alternatives to mainstream medicine by the medical fraternity and the person in the street, including by Health Funds (here in Oz), also points to a change in approach to health care.

Hospitals are becoming places of high risk. You don't go there if you don't have to.

Maybe pelvic reconstruction surgery will become a self-limiting phenomenon as women eventually realise that it is a second choice option after non-surgical management, and Health Funds may only pay out if non-surgical management has failed?

Maybe surgeons will become more fussy about recommending it as people take them to task for failed surgery and not communicating the risks and failure rates, and it hits their collective hip pockets? Maybe the surgeons won't be able to get insurance for it?

Maybe women will weigh up the options a bit more carefully once they know the risks and failure rates from your book, and from the medical literature that is often quite freely available via the Web, and from this site.

There is a song written by Kev Carmody and Paul Kelly called, From Little Things Big Things Grow. It chronicles the story of Vincent Lingiari, a Guridji man who, in the 1960's, challenged the owners of Wave Hill Station (mega-ranch) in the Northern Territiry of Oz, as to the ownership of the land which had been taken from the traditional owners many years before. His little quiet challenge led to a strike by the Wave Hill stockmen, and the Australian Landrights movement was born. Seven years later they got their land back (all 20000 square miles of it). The lyrics are here. http://www.paulkelly.com.au/lyrics/from-little-things.html .

It will all lead somewhere Christine. Our daughters and granddaughters will reap the benefits of mainstream change. All we can do for now is share the wisdom among ourselves, reclaim our bodies back, and invite others to open their eyes and minds as well. You can't push a kneeling elephant. It has to get up and walk by itself, but constant and increasing pressure may eventually induce it to move.

Best wishes

Louise

Susan

July 13, 2006 - 11:52pm

Hi Christine,

I read your opinion on surgery. I am myself not a fan of it, in fact I am scared to death. I just wanted to ask you though, if you think that pelvic floor problems cannot be fixed surgically, at least not for the long term (a theory that I actually agree with) what are your thoughts on cesarean sections then? That is my quandary at the moment, I keep on thinking that if I had chosen a c-section I would not be suffering from my current condition. Medical research has clearly shown that women with c-sections do not suffer from cystoceles/rectoceles immediately after birth as these are conditions linked to the baby passing through the birth canal. I am 36 and have not hit menopause, so my problems are clearly birth related. The day of the birth I had no prolapse. The day after I did (it makes me want to cry even thinking about it). I have googled many websites trying to find women who were actually unhappy with the surgical outcome of their c-section, but to no avail. They all seem to be rather happy (except for women who have emotional issues in relation to not having been able to give birth naturally - but that is not what I am talking about). The risk factors are listed on numerous websites but I have yet to find an actual account of things having gone horribly wrong. I am just throwing the issue up for discussion, whether some urogynaecologists are correct in proposing that women should opt for c-section to avoid pelvic floor problems after birth or later in life. I would really appreciate your thoughts and maybe a reference to a forum, if anybody knows of one.

I am sorry for your recent loss.

Susan

annaf

July 14, 2006 - 12:00pm

Dear Susan,
The birth of your child might be a major effect on your prolapse, but not the only one. There are other factors. In my opinion a woman gets prolaps when more then one factor evoke it (for example birth, diet, life style, heavy lifting... ) There are many women with prolapse younger than you or in your age, women that had a c-cection and also have prolapse, women that don't have any children and also have a prolapse. I am only 34 and I have suffered from prolapse for about 13 years. The major cause was routine episiotomy that wasn't fixed correctly and I couldn't avoid it as it was complusory for every woman that gives birth in my country. But I have never looked at my kids and thought that I would rather not have any children. They are the best I could ever have. I have never related my prolaps to my children but I did to the lithotomy birth position that was dictated during the birth at the hospital, to the routine and complusory episiotomy, not proper care after the labor, to my life style and other issues I went through in my life.
You maybe wouldn't have cystocele and rectocele right after a c-cection but you might have them 2-3-4... years later. I don't believe that a c-cection solves the problem with prolapse in the future, but it carries other major risks.
I found Christine's work few weeks befor I wanted to have the reconstructive surgery. Deep in my mind and my heart I have never believed that the surgery would solve my problem and cure my prolaps. I was scared to death but I couldn't find answer on my doubts. The doctor's reluctancy to answer my qustions only increased my fear and scepticism. So I gave it it's last chance. I decided to read Christine's book and if I wouldn't find what I was looking for I would undergo the surgery. When I got the book I couldn't do anything but read. After I read Christien's book my husband ordered the DVD. I went through many sources that are listed in the end of Christine's book, I signed up for American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology to have acces to many articles related to prolapse issue. I compared the information to many “surgery friendly” web sites where all the information is limited and writen very unilaterally. I comprehended that the surgery is not good for me and I can learn how to live with prolapse. I would better live with prolapse than live like a cripple after the surgery waiting for another surgery. The risks of the surgery and post surgery complications are so high that I just can't gamble too much.
I also have found forums where post surgery women wrote about how they feel after surgery. The majority of them wrote they would never undergo the surgery if they were truly told what it is going to happen after surgery, if they were truly informed befor surgery. Many of them were surprised when they got the instructions after surgery how to take care of them selves and what the risks are, and what to expect after surgery. They should have been informed before the surgery. I have found a forum on “Centrum for Pelvic Reconstructive Surgery and Urogynecology” website ( http://www.prsucenter.com/community/bulletin.html ). When I read the women's comments I cried, I was so happy I didn't undergo the surgery. I am very thankful that I have found Christine's work. Many of those stories are tragic surgical stories. Some women wanted to go back and be like they were before the surgery rather then they are after the surgery. There is a woman that had thoughts of suicide due to the very emotional effects the post surgery complications have had on her.
There is a way you can live a very happy and satisfied life with prolapse and without a surgery. There is a high risk you would live a difficult life with multiple surgeries after you have one.
If you are going to make a decision, make an informed decision. If you are going to make a decision, YOU make the decision, not your doctor (it's your body and only you will carry all consequnces.) Only you can decide what is the best for you. Honor your body. Take care. I wish you all the best and good luck.

rosewood

July 14, 2006 - 2:51pm

Susan,

I think that you are facing an enormous loss with having prolapse so soon after the birth of your child (first child?). I can really relate to your feelings of regret. I had a difficult first birth; my daughter was vacuum extracted after 4 hours of pushing. I tore in the upper vaginal tissue and ended up in OR to repair the tear, and with a blood tranfusion. I lost over 1/2 my blood. I also believe this was the cause of my ultimate prolapse. Or, at least part of the cause. I was rehospitalized for a bacterial infection I picked up in the hospital. Due to this I had to stop breastfeeding for 2 days, and suffered some separations from my daughter. To this day, she has suffered even from the hours we were separated. Fortunately, we were able, with heroic effort, to breastfeed and she went on to nurse well into toddlerhood. And, while I have seen the effect of the early separations from me (she's now going on 8), we have really helped her grieve, and she's the most beautiful, charming, centered, talented child you would ever meet (yes, I'm biased!).

I personally agonized for months over my birth choices. Finally, after the birth of my second child at home, blissfully, I feel that that wwound was healed. Only,however, to be reopened, when, 8 months post-partum after the birth of my 3rd child, also at home, I discovered prolapse. That was about 5 months ago. I couldn't believe that the decisions that I made about how to birth my daughter was causing this unbelievable trauma in my own life, almost 8 years later.

I made some decisions against my own better judgment regarding her birth -- where to have her, who to have there, not having a doula, not telling the doctor where to go. I have had to grieve that these decisions had consequences. However, I feel I have reached a place of acceptance. I did the best I could with the information I had at the time, and with where I was in my life journey at the time. I am on the road to making peace with myself.

I also find keeping a gratitude journal daily helps combat those "what ifs".

I also have found, birthing 3 children, that the early post-partum period is very intense emotionally. Going from 0 children to 1, in my opinion, is a huge life transition. There is an amazing loss of control over one's life as one has always known it. Newborn babies evoke intense primal feelings in us as new parents -- they are so helpless and vulnerable -- it touches a vulnerability in us that is very raw and largely forgotten, especially in the verbal realm. But, our bodies remember what it was like to be first born and pre-verbal.

In my own experience, I can look back on the first child and know that I was going through my own intense struggle to bond with her. With each subsequent birth, although less intense, there has been that really intense emotional period where everything is charged with internal struggle and meaning. My third was a very fussy newborn, and I struggled with feelings of wondering what we had done. That passed, however, and now, with him 14 months, I can't really imagine that I felt that way. I fell in love with him and just absolutely adore him.

You are on your own journey, and are facing some really difficult circumstances with the prolapse at the time when you need all of your inner resources to help you to adjust to your new role, and to be there for your baby. You really are in a grieving process and are looking for answers. WHY???!!! Why should this happen to a young mother?? Just be where you are.

My understanding is that there are many factors, not just birth, that contribute to having prolapse. Very underestimated, is the cause of lifestyle factors -- the way we sit and stand in this culture. It's my guess that that alone does more to contribute to prolapse than anything else. Why do women in other cultures who are more connected to nature have so many kids and almost non-existent prolapse? The female body was designed to birth babies, not have them surgically removed (although that is a blessing where necessary for the life of baby or mother). One of the things you can begin to do immediately, and which is very important in the immediate post-partum period, is use the sitting and standing postures. This can help to begin to stabilize your condition.

One wise woman sometimes counsels me that having "what if" thoughts and thinking I made the wrong choice about something, is a way of stealing my joy. Even now, with prolapse, it's my choice each day about whether to let it get me down, or to focus on all I do have.

Let me say, though, that grieving the loss, feeling the anger, asking the whys, stomping your feet, or whatever you need to do is a part of the process. Acceptance comes later.

Some days I say this over and over to myself, especially in the hard days:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I have read here from some women that an immediate post-partum prolapse has healed in some number of months. Maybe Michelle can speak to that issue.

In all respects, I'm glad you are here and hope that you can find the support you need during this very difficult time. Thank you for having the courage to share your true feelings. I suspect that in time, all of the agony will seem worth it,as you watch your little one grow.

Blessings for healing,
Marie

UKmummy

July 14, 2006 - 3:40pm

Thank you Marie, I can indeed comment if anyone can bear to hear my story AGAIN!!!

I have indeed had a significant degree of healing of my own post partum prolapse, although as Granolamom points out, individual improvement can be deceptive, because like so much with prolapse, it is such an individual thing.

I experienced prolapse of my uterus a week post partum after the birth of my second baby, almost six months ago. It was prolapsed right down to the vaginal opening. I pushed it back as instructed by my midwife, and began kegels, and also the wholewoman posture a week or so later after I had arrived here. I also took sepia for a few weeks, drank and still drink red raspberry leaf tea every other day or so, cut our red meat, eat masses of fruit and veg, and try to walk as often as I can. I still lift both my children, though not excessively. I have also had PT, but to be honest I don't think much of what I learnt there was a factor in my healing. I have not had a re-prolapse of my uterus, although I have been told it is a little lower than it probably was before children. It is not at all noticeable, and I have since come across several women, one of them my sister, who have also been told that their uterus is "slightly prolapsed" after delivering babies vaginally, and that this can be considered to be a "normal" variance.

I also found out in the course of trying to get some answers, that I have a rectocele and cystocele, though I would never have known about these had I not been searching for answers to my prolapse puzzle. I have also not experienced symptoms from these and really can only tell if I bear down hard, which I certainly don't do a great deal these days! :) I feel that kegels have helped to reduce the "bearing down bulge" of my rectocele quite a lot, and feel that everything down there is really quite tight and firm now, perhaps even more so than before, although I had not payed much attention before of course!

From all that I have read, it seems that there are several circulated stories on the web of women with post partum prolapsed uterus, that is prolapse of the uterus which occured days or weeks after delivery, returning to its more usual position and staying put. One of my midwives also had this happen, as did a woman on another forum not related to prolapse. These all seem to be anecdotal reports, like my own, as of course no specific research seems to have been done in this area from what I can find. There are also a couple of women on this forum who have had this experience from a while back, but none kept posting from what I can gather.

So, not sure what it was that made my uterus prolapse in this way and then go back, this is something I puzzle over, but I am sure it was a combination of factors. I don't feel it is easily attributable to the delivery alone as then it would have happened immediately afterwards, and it happened a week later. I am grateful that it has improved, and now continue work on my other prolapses so that I can maintain, or even improve these with lifestyle and structural changes.

I hope this provides a little bit of encouragement for you Susan, and others out there. I know it often doesn't seem that many experience such dramatic results, but I think many that do no longer frequent the message boards as they are simply getting on with their lives without prolapse on their minds at all.

Michelle.

Christine

September 20, 2006 - 1:40pm

(((Oh Nancy)))...I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! So much of what gynecology does is life-saving and life-enhancing and much is also a cascade of ill-conceived interventions that lead from bad to worse. My work at Wholewoman is bringing attention to the fact that much more must be done within the profession to differentiate between the two.