Newbie blurt

Submitted by kat on July 21, 2006 - 7:48am
Body: 

Hi everyone
I'm in a bit of a state, having been to the doc last Monday to be told I have a 'slight to moderate' rectocele.

Since having the sprog 10 months ago, I've had the distinct feeling that all was not right down below. My undercarriage was a bit of a dog's breakfast following the birth (there was extensive natural tearing - midwife said she'd 'lost count' of the stitches to repair that, plus an episiotomy) but I finally got fed up of trying to not think about it.

I don't know how severe the problem is, because my appointment with the specialist isn't for another month, but I'm constantly aware of it - probably more so than before I went to the doc, because now I can't really think about anything else. I've seen from the internet this is a life-long condition, and it's not likely to respond well to surgery (at least not without other, horrible complications), so it seems I will never now get myself fixed. The effect this has had on my state of mind is a lot worse than the physical effects of the rectocele, to be honest. I think I may have been teetering on the brink of depression (due to other lifestyle factors) to begin with but now I can't imagine anything in future being any good again. I know it's melodramatic and selfish, but at the moment I don't seem to be able to pull myself together even for the sake of the (beautiful, delightful) baby.

I keep running over the events surrounding the birth, and what I did afterwards (too sedentary? too few Kegels?) and thinking how things might have been different. I feel so angry about the choices I made - athough even in retrospect, there isn't that much I could have done differently. This time last year I was being constantly badgered by midwives and doctors who were all telling me I had to keep my feet up all day, otherwise my baby would die from my high blood pressure - which as it turns out was high mainly because of the incompetent medical nit-wits I was dealing with. I ended up focussed on the alleged problem so much I didn't prepare properly for the birth, and so of course it was a total mess.

Sorry for this tirade of negativity, but I felt I had to get some of my feelings out. (I'm living in London, which is a long way from my family - who I'm too embarassed to tell about this new development in any case - and I don't know any people here.) Although I wouldn't wish problems like the ones we are all here for on anyone, I think you'll know what I mean when I say it's been a comfort to find a place to talk about them.

Best, and thank you for reading this far, K

granolamom

July 21, 2006 - 3:30pm

I'm sorry you had cause to come looking for us, but I'm glad you found us. First, know that you are not alone. many of us went through the anger & depression you describe when we first found our prolapses. I know I did (still do every now and then). Next, know that things do get better. I dont know if your prolapse will go away, likely it will not disappear, but you can learn to live well with it. yes, its true. read through the posts here, learn the posture, take great care in your diet (especially important with a rectocele) and you will begin to see positive changes.

I can hear your pain in your post ((((((hugs))))))
hang around, there's lots of support to be had here

MeMyselfAndI

July 21, 2006 - 4:01pm

Calm down :)

The sproglet is fine (you are english? sounds like it)

The Prolapse is always there but will nto necesarily be the end of all life - First breathe - calm calm - smile - look into proggys eyes and all is well...

Read about the posture - read it many times if need be I was a mad scared loon when I got here last August!

Once you get the posture into your life - The prolapse could very well get better - no its not gone - But it is less of an impactinto your every day life :) Mine was a grade 2 and is now a grade 1

Kegels - i was obsessed by them - Now I do 30-50 a day if I remember - They helped the peeing problem - not the prolapse...

So... You are here - as are we all - Life goes on - Smile - Prolapse is amazingly not the end - It is a new beginning to a new way of thinking and of standing and moving...

It is ok - You just ask and we will help all we can :)

Sue

ann.helen

July 23, 2006 - 10:45pm

hi

i'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. It is really a weight off to talk to close family and friends - i hid it from my mum too and felt so much better and happier after a bit talk with her. It really made a huge difference.

There is something very very healing for want of a better word, about being comforted by someone you love (sounds very flaky that- but just the way it panned out for me)

Best wishes and keep in touch here with any venting or comments or quesions you have. There's a great bunch of women here. And of course christine herself and her fabulous work in it's many forms keeping up all sane!

xx
Anne - helen

mommynow

August 17, 2006 - 7:19pm

I have also struggled with a rectocele since having my daughter. My gyn. didn't even diagnose me. He gave me a pap and then said you have a minor uterus prolapse. I was thinking to myself....how can you see if I have a rectocele or anything else by examining me this way???? After that I just decided to diagnose myself from my symptoms. Since I can constantly feel it, I know I have a rectocele. I am pretty sure that I got universal prolapse after the birth but since doing the posture it is only the rectocele that bothers me. I am still nursing so have decided to wait until finishing before changing my diet. Christine thinks that will make a big difference for me.

How are you doing with your progress? Is the posture helping?

I know the heartache you are feeling because I am still trying to find relief. I feel hopeless sometimes because I have tried everything Christine suggests except the diet change and I still feel it a lot.

rosewood

August 18, 2006 - 12:05am

i'm curious what changes you are waiting to make. I'm nursing also.

mommynow

August 18, 2006 - 7:44am

I have tried the posture (am still doing it), exercises from Christine and still it doesn't help the pressure I feel from the rectocele. I am still on a restricted diet because my daughter is sensitive to dairy and soy so I don't want to try the vegan diet Christine suggests without being able to eat soy. I am having a hard time as it is keeping weight on. Check out the posts under the diet forum where Christine explained how I should eat. She believes that certain foods are not good for the human digestive system and if the intestines are sluggish that puts more pressure on the pelvic organs. I am eating pretty well right now because Abigail can't take dairy but I still eat meat everyday and some processed snack foods. Also I think the diet book would be beneficial. Have you changed your diet yet?

rosewood

August 18, 2006 - 8:08pm

I checked out the diet thread. Looks like your diet is pretty pure. Mine is, too. I do eat organic/grass fed meat. Not a ton, but for protein. Regarding soy, my dr. of tcm recommends no soy, except fermented (soy sauce, miso, tempeh). There's a lot of research out there re: soy.

I also had restricted diet due to fussy newborn. I felt so much better that I stopped eating cow's milk products and even wheat altogether.

One thing I love and feel is great for digestion is whole flax seeds. I grind them in our seed grinder (coffee grinder only used for seeds) and just heap them on my oats or rice inthe morning and also with a little rice as an evening snack. It keeps things really regular.

Also, I know that for me, even the smallest amount of processed food (crackers, etc.) or sugar affects my feeling of pressure. As hard as it is not to snack on the kids snacks, I almost never do now, as the consequences are dire.

How old is your little one?

I'm going to get the diet book, too.

mommynow

August 19, 2006 - 11:58am

It is nice to chat with someone that is going through the same thing as me. Thank you for the information on soy.

I did try to eat like Christine suggested when she posted to me but I became very lethargic and started losing more weight (I am already 10lbs underweight from nursing and being on this diet). I also found that I was "too regular" if you KWIM and being either way seems to make me have more pressure. So I started to eat meat again because it helps me keep on the weight. I'm sure that if I wasn't nursing it wouldn't be a problem but my daughter sucks the calories right out of me :)

I used to have ground up flaxseed in my yogurt but since I can't eat yogurt anymore I have gotten out of the habit. Is it better to have whole seeds and grind them yourself?

Thanks for the idea about processed food. I do snack now and then again because I don't have a lot of knowledge about what to eat to keep my weight on by using Christine's suggestions. That is another reason I want to get the diet book. I keep wondering if that could be what causes me to have more pressure.

All I have is 1/2 cup of ALL BRAN cereal with my rice milk and banana in the morning and it keeps things regular. It is just the pressure that is bothering me. I hope something will help relieve this feeling.

My daughter is 14 1/2 months old and her ped. says that new studies are out suggesting to nurse for two years (I don't have a choice anyway until she outgrows this allergy). How old is your baby?

rosewood

August 19, 2006 - 6:40pm

I sure hope you get relief from the rectocele. I get so much more irritable myself when i am feeling pressure. It triggers a lot of fear about the future. I keep telling myself to take it "one day at a time", and not freak out.

Yes, from what I've been told, grinding whole flax seeds is better. Grind as you go, because oils go bad quickly, and if you grind them and save them you should put them in the refrigerator.

My baby boy is 15 months old! Almost the same age. Isn't it a cute age! I also have an almost 8 year old and a 4 year old. Life is sure full. The kids are gems. You should see them with their little brother. Never was a little boy so adored. (Well, I'm sure I'm biased!)

As an aside, my oldest and I lay in bed at night a make jokes. She say's "mom, would you tell (so and so) about your prolapse?" And, it's someone totally ridiculous like the 75 year old man down the street with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. And we just crack up and try to think of more absurd ones.

I guess in that way it's causing more laughter! Looking on the bright side ...

About nursing, I've nursed all of mine for years. First was 4 years, second almost 3 and we'll see about this one. Some people I politely say "into toddlerhood" when they ask because they would be so shocked !

Thinking of you and sending you lots of healing thoughts.