Light at the end of the tunnel......

Hello everyone!

It's been quite a while since I managed to post anything here....The days of despair don't blight me any more and for this reason (and if any of you remember me) I thought it might be worth sharing my story and the lessons I've learned since my diagnosis. So, when I was diagnosed with the dreaded 'all three' I was in despair. I didn't go out anywhere as I was in so much pain and couldn't bear to plan anything as could never see anything through. My darkest moment came after my gyn told me I had grade 3-4 prolapse of womb, bladder and bowel and would definitely need an operation - after which he gave me a lesson in anatomy, took my hands, and explained where everything was. I'd never have thought I could be so grateful for such an explanation but I really was. I thought my dreams of having another child had been taken away from me.

So, I bought Christine's book, implemented the posture immediately and realised I needed to take some of my own medicine (I'm a homeopath).I also realised I needed to see the corrective surgery through to correct where my epi went wrong and where I had a cyst (I won't go into my horrendous birth story here as there's no point). I realised also that I had to grieve for the awful birth that I'd had as I hadn't come to terms with what had happened and that I had to rejoice that my son was happy and healthy. So, I had the surgery which was just as well as it turned out I had two entrances to my vagina and the cyst went rather deep and blah blah blah - don't want to bore you. My gyn was wonderful. And I recuperated. And I wrote things down. And I cried. Lots. And I read my birth notes. And I talked it all through. Lots. And I got very angry and cried and cried. And I realised who my friends were! And I read. And the big thing I did was that I took the power back. Gosh, that sounds really naff - and I don't mean it to at all - but I hope you know what I mean? I'd become a victim really - the medics had pushed me around and their solution was to just have more surgery and I was treated dreadfully. So, I became empowered with knowledge and knowing what was what from Christine's book really helped me to understand the terminology and the options. So, thank you Christine :)

The big thing this site gave me at my loneliest times was the realisation that I wasn't alone. And that was a really big thing and played a massive part in my recuperation. So, I started doing the exercises in Christine's book. Then I looked to investigate the surgery they'd told me I needed for the prolapse. I found someone who'd had it all done and it seems she's just traded one set of problems for another - it hasn't been the definitive answer she was seeking and she's completed her family. I embarked on an intensive programme of homeopathy and remedial massage and it began to yield results. Ever so slowly at first. So, everything was coming out and rubbing together and then it wasn't coming out but it was still sore and red and angry. I went out and bought a bike to celebrate! And a holder that fits on the back so my husband could take my son for a ride and I could ride behind and watch! And I went out for a walk and for the first time since my son was born, it didn't fall out......It was little steps - some were psychological but they were just as important as the physical ones.

So, that's been my programme since July. It's been hard work. I do the exercise work, massage and reflexology too along with the homeopathy to support. And I feel wonderful compared to where I was when I first dscovered the site. Sure, I have problems. On my bad days I can't lift my boy (he's now 16 months) and I might wet myself, I might not be able to go to the loo properly and I might not be able to stand for longer than 10 minutes and be in pain. But I now have good days. And that's the difference! For instance, I was out in the garden at the weekend - now who'd have thought that was possible a year ago?! And I felt great. I think I'll always be able to feel some element of my prolapse but hey, this is me now and there's no going back. If I had the option of choosing my life now as it is and my life without our darling son then there's no contest.

So, I've learned what's important and actually - harder then anything else, who's important to me. Certain friends have disappeared, but others have popped up and special friends have offered the most wonderful gifts. I will never forget on a very bad day when I was peeling vegetables lying on the kitchen floor (as that was the only way I could get comfy), one friend rang me from Malaysia and told me she had a flight ticket for me to fly out and see her gyn who was simply wonderful. I didn't take her up on it but my eyes are filling with tears now at the memory of her kindness.

I laugh now to think that I thought that my womb was the most problematic when I was first diagnosed. It's actually my bowel that causes the most problems physically although my bladder issue is the most embarassing. I'm kind of thinking that I'm on a recovery journey and my greatest wish is that I can have another baby. My doctor told me to dream on and be thankful for what I've got (I still can't believe SHE said that to me!) my gyn said there's no reason why I can't and that I should have an easy labour as the baby will fall out - see! Every cloud has a silver lining - lol - thans to Sue, I now know what that means! I'm aware of the movements my womb makes through the month and my husband and I are closer than ever as a result of the journey we've both been on.

I'm terrified to even think about becoming pregnant right now and that just makes me appreciate my son all the more. There's a friend of mine who can't have children so I know how lucky I am and that's after she miscarried 5 times. I think it will be possible if I carry on progressing like this so watch this space!!

I've realised that it's futile trying to FIGHT it. It just doesn't cope with that. I have to work with it. And when I do, it helps. So, there is light out there - you just have to find your way to it. There are things that can help - I realise that now and doing positive things to help prolpase in turn helps you to cope with it. My greatest achievement came about 4 weeks ago when I managed to horseride for 30 minutes!!!!!!! (I went horseriding every week for years before I was pg). I have missed it so much! Ok, so I took quite a few steps back following my ride. But, boy, it felt good and it was a promise I'd made to myself - you know, to do it when I was feeling this much better.....

Sorry for the long post....perhaps it has something to do with the glass of rioja I'm drinking?! I could go on and on but enough's enough!

wishing you all well and sending many healing vibes

J xxx