Help with perspective?

I have my share of 'if only' thoughts regarding labor too. my second got stuck on a 'cervical lip' and mw had to get in there and hold the cervix open while I pushed, and I'm sure that wasn't gentle on my vaginal wall. but the attending OB said if it was up to him 'he'd have been a vaccum extraction' so I guess I had the lesser of the two evils.
I tore pretty badly after my first, why oh why was I on my back in lithotomy position with a 'forced upon me' epidural in place??? my third, a glorious homebirth, was born while I was in a full squat, again, maybe not the greatest position? these thoughts can really get the best of you if you let them.

first, you do the best you can with the knowlege you have. you learn some, know better, and then do better next time. such is life.
next, I would gladly cut off my right arm if it meant my child's well being. so if my prolapse is a result of childbirth, well then, its time to put my money where my mouth is and let go of the regrets.
last, regarding c/s, a c-section is more risky for mother and baby. obviously when it must be done, it must be done. but there are significant potential side effects. and, when they cut through all that muscle and fascia they probably aren't doing your pelvic support system any favors either. so I doubt, long term, you'd have been better off.

It is hard letting go of all the what if's, I want to know what exactly did this to me, who can I blame? the truth is that not all women who have babies end up with prolapse, I suspect we all were 'at risk' for some reason or another before we gave birth. maybe that was just the last straw.
In any case, all you can do now is focus on healing and for me that means letting go.

(((((hugs)))))

Some might disagree.. but I think we've all gone over and over in our minds how things could have been prevented, I know I have, did I walk to much in pregnancy? Did I over do it? Was the labour too fast? Should I have rested more after the labour rather than trying to be a hero and up and about so much? At the end of the day I find myself upset and stressed after thinking about it. I had no tears, no long pushing, no intervention and not a big baby, but I still have a prolapse. Don't get me wrong.. I'll be very protective if my daughter has a baby! But ithink going over it in my mind for me, although it's a natural part of coming to terms with something, only causes uneccessary pain. I hope you can find some peacefulness x

I came to this wonderful site almost 1 yr ago now when I discovered my prolapses. I want to share with you that I have been at your stage where you are consumed with these thoughts. I was constantly replaying everything and I couldn't stop the anxiousness. I knew it was not good for me but it was a stage that I had to go thru. It helped me so much to have support on this forum. Christine and all the women have been the source of my strength. It really helps to have someone validate your feelings even though you can not change what had happened. But it will truly truly get better mentally and physically.

Btw, i took a 2 1/2 hr bus ride and I was sitting in posture the entire time!!! How amazing is that?! After the ride my back wasn't even sore. I didn't think I could do it. It was weird to see everyone slouched back sleeping.

It is very hard to stop thinking about that traumatic experience. But start each day new and fresh. Begin the posture and seek physical therapy. Let your body take its time to heal. Patience is trying now b/c moms are always on the go. But make sure you get the rest. Seek some extra help so you can devote time for your body. We are here for you.

Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Hi Mommi2three and AnnW

I couldn't agree more with you on all counts. A traumatic birth is what it says it is. A major joyful life event marred by trauma. AnnW, you have had an awful experience and it will take time for that memory to fade. Just concentrate on what you can do to alleviate the prolapse symptoms, ie posture, diet, clothing and TLC. Best wishes for your recovery.

Re the bus trip, yes, it is amazing the difference good sitting posture makes on a long journey. I have set up my car for it, with a moulded backrest that I have carved at the bottom to accommodate my female butt. It goes with me whatever vehicle or aeroplane I am travelling in. I have also taken to sleeping with a little pillow under my waist in bed, which maintains the lumbar curve while lying on my back. It is basically a pillow that has been cut in half on the long dimension, so it is like a long, low, flat sausage. I am now a lot less stiff in the mornings.

Cheers

Louise

I had that thing, too. Regrets, I mean. I discovered prolapse 7 years after the traumatic birth of my first, (vacum assisted, 4 hours pushing). It was the last hospital birth for me. The other two were at home. I had signs (stress incontinence) but not til after #3 was born did I have the other symptoms. I went through so much regret initially about the birth of my daughter. Agonized. Then, when I found prolapse, I went through agony again over the choices I had made. Part of it, I think, is the grieveing process. Isn't one stage of grief bargaining? It's a way to somehow get back control. But the loss is there, and it takes time to come to full acceptance of it. I went thought this with the untimely deaths of my parents and brother, and also in another situation. Anger and bargaining.

At some point, acceptance comes. Acceptance of myself and the choices I meade, which were the best I knew how to do at the time. That's the hard part; to embrace and love myself, even though I am not perfect.

And, here's where the serenity prayer can help: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Part of my own healing in this journey is to guard my mind. Even too much focus on the condition, for me, spirals me down into fear. Daily, I need to read words of hope, optimism, healing, love, and belief that all things are possible. My focus has shifted from wanting all the symptoms to disappear, to wanting my mind to be lifted up and free of fear. Then, I can deal with it all so much better.

Blessings to you in your process. You are right where you are supposed to be.

Marie