An observation I wanted to share

Submitted by gr8fl on April 3, 2015 - 10:49am
Body: 

Hi Ladies,
I just wanted to share an experience I had recently as I've noticed the topic of exercise/weight loss has come up again on the forum. This is a very common concern for many newbies- whether they are trying to lose pp weight, weight they've had a for a while, or just maintain (in terms of weight) the body they had preprolapse (this includes myself). Because WW work highly discourages abdominal 'core' work, which flies in the face of what we have shoved down our throats culturally as the only way to achieve these ever so desired 6 pack abs, it can leave many of us concerned that because of our prolapse, we are going to be destined for a large, floppy tummy the rest of our lives. For those of us who, unknowingly, contributed to our prolapse by buying into the who flat tummy thing, not doing traditional ab work can be a tough thing to wrap our minds around.

I was definitely one of those people. For me, fitness has always been a very large part of my life. I have loved running, mountain biking, water skiing, dancing, etc throughout my life and was able to maintain a trim body doing so. In addition, because a back injury I had during my late teens that resulted in intermittent, but chronic pain, I truly believed that by having a 'strong' core, I was doing my part to help protect my back.

My point- I recently got to take a warm vacation with a very dear friend of mine. I did confide in her about my prolapse as well as WW. She knows my dedication to the work because every time she sees me, I'm holding my posture. (Sadly, when I told her that the posture included not holding in your stomach, she said "oh, I could never do that". She's a committed sucker/tucker and I can't seem to convince her otherwise :(

We had a picture taken of the two of us, side by side, in our bikini's. We have very similar body types, and what didn't surprise me one bit, but shocked her, is that we both felt that my torso looked beautiful- and so much better than hers did. She has the 6 pack. She crunches and planks to exhaustion. But her stomach looked bunched up and ripply. Mine looked trim, long, sleek with a slight feminine roundness.

Here's the key and my ultimate point: I haven't done a sit up, crunch or plank in well over two YEARS. I haven't done any 'ab work' for over two years, and my abdomen has never looked better. I'm thrilled to say that I do not fit the 6 pack "standard of beauty".

I realize all of this may sound very superficial and in a way it is. But on the other hand, there is a true mourning period that many of us have to grapple with when we discover our prolapse. We are scared of losing so much of ourselves, including the outward appearance of a body we thought we knew so well. Long story not so short ;)... the internal benefits of WW are incredible and life changing, but so are the external ones. Happily, in my 40's, I still recognize the body that I've tried to take care of, except that now, thanks to WW, I've never felt better about it- inside and out.
- truly gr8fl

Forum:

Surviving60

April 3, 2015 - 11:32am

Thank you so much.....I for one am truly "gr8fl" for this post. It's lovely. And far from being superficial, this really strikes at the heart of what many women feel is the hardest thing to accept about this work and about their new body. And they may be hesitant to admit it. And the truth of it will not become apparent to them right away. Thank you for the priceless words of encouragement. - Surviving

Surviving60

April 3, 2015 - 11:37am

.......this is true even if you have a bit of a belly. I'm older and a bit out-of-shape compared to gr8fl, but I've done the naked mirror test. WW posture looks WAY better than the ripples and rolls you get if you suck it in! - Surviving

gr8fl

April 3, 2015 - 12:06pm

We all come to this work at our own stage in life and with our own unique bodies. As a woman in her early 40's (though fast approaching mid 40's!) I'm so pleased with how my body is responding, but also infinitely less anxious about how it will age as I get both further along the roller coaster of perimenopause and beyond. I know that each chapter of life inevitably will be bring physical changes, both inside and out, but just knowing how lovely this posture truly is and how my body has responded to it is such a blessing and comfort.

I do want to emphasize something S60 said though and I should have addressed in my first post. "..the truth of it will not become apparent to them right away". This was so very true for me as well. Because I'd been a world class sucker and tucker, I'd really managed to cram and bunch my intestinal track to an extreme degree. (Sheesh- no wonder the chronic constipation). Because I don't carry weight on my torso (I'm far more pear shaped) even with my innards bunched, I was able to suck in my stomach so that it was flat. However, the minute I stopped doing this, and letting my belly relax, I ended up looking very very pregnant as the roundness of my belly was only from my belly button down. Needless to say, this was very challenging emotionally for me and I was asked more than once if I was pregnant. What has happened over the 2+ years of this work however, is that very gradually, my intestinal track has rediscovered the space it was supposed to be in. This has lead to not only the best bowel functioning I've experienced in my entire life, but also that 'lengthening' of my torso. It really does have this long, sleek line but still that soft roundness. It's the way my torso was meant to look. And the good old naked mirror test is a fun one to do to drive that point home. I still can't get over how horrible it looks to do that suck/tuck...-gr8fl

everhopeful

April 3, 2015 - 4:47pm

and I think it should be compulsory reading for newbies as it addresses so many issues which I recognise and it is very persuasive and encouraging. I am in my sixties but when younger I was always worrying that I should work harder for a flat stomach. I remember a personal trainer who told me that every female told him the flat stomach was what she wanted most and he said it was hard to achieve . No wonder because it is so unnatural and even harder to do than WW posture! I cringe when I recall how hard I worked on the rower etc., and how I sucked my stomach in to zip up my jeans,ouch not good for all those pelvic organs! I always valued my health but little did I know! I am on my way to discovering all the truths you mention and I know they r acheivable and good for me. I still struggle with parting with old clothes which r not suitable for ww posture but in the end I feel so much fitter ,comfortable and feminine but most of all I am healthy again and have this WW world to thank for that. Thanks to u again :)

gr8fl

April 3, 2015 - 5:06pm

LOL!! :) Intestinal 'track'- let's try that again: intestinal tract! Couldn't help but correct that particularly glaring mistake in my post......oh my. ;)

gr8fl

April 3, 2015 - 5:32pm

It seems that this post struck a chord and I'm so glad. I'd hesitated writing it because I didn't want to come across as superficial. (A needless worry I know, because one of the most beautiful aspects of this forum is both the lack of TMI and judgement). And it's ok to admit that as a Whole woman, I can be aware of my body both from the inside as well as the outside- from a truly Whole Woman perspective, not a superficially, culturally mandated one. It's a beautiful thing to carry my body in a strong, long, pulled up manner and know that because of that, it's able to internally function as it was meant to, as well as having a sense of pride and empowerment that the posture inherently conveys to me as I'm in it and others who see it. I simply love it and am eternally grateful to Christine. - hugs to all of us Whole Women.- gr8fl

Snapcracklepop

April 3, 2015 - 8:40pm

gr8ful,

The last few days I've been struggling with "mourning" my flat stomach. At times in my life it was even concave, with hip bones jutting. Not exactly beautiful, but I liked the way it felt. Contained. I almost posted earlier today about my ambivalence about my goddess belly, but didn't find the time. And now I log on and find your gem :-)

I admire my whole woman posture in the mirror at least once a day and I truly do find it beautiful. What I haven't gotten used to is the way I feel like I'm spilling out, taking up space. And, I think that's one of my lessons with all of this. It's time to inhabit all of me and not have parts of me scrunched away.

Thanks so much,

Snapcracklepop

Desert Rose

April 4, 2015 - 2:04pm

I'm new here. I needed your post today, and all of the responses. I feel like a pendulum. One moment I'm mourning everything and alternately rejoicing everything. The changes aren't superficial, they are global and it's a lot to take in and process. Thank you all for your courage.

Christine

April 6, 2015 - 11:46am

Dear gr8ful,

Thank you with all my heart for expressing the truth I’ve been trying to put out in the world for 12 years! WW posture has been laughed at and made fun of by so many women who do not know better.

This is a true story (I doubt she is listening), but I had been helping my sister-in-law with her chronic hip pain and she was definitely improving. With the prospect of meeting up with an old boyfriend, she started doing sit-ups and holding her stomach in - also jeering at the WW belly. She told her brother recently that she is considering hip replacement! You can only do what you can do, people either get this work or they don’t. Thanks for helping to set the record straight!

I saw a picture on facebook today of a frightened young mother I helped several years ago. Gosh was I amazed to see the confident, strong woman in beautiful WW posture!

I spent yesterday (Easter) working :-( I am on chapter 5 of my new book and am chomping at the bit to see it finished. I’ve seen so many posts on the forum about UTI, etc that I would love to respond to, but I’d have to write a book to explain it all! There is so-so-so much information and the challenge is making it interesting instead of pages and pages of dry paragraphs.

Love and hugs,

Christine

Aussie Soul Sister

April 6, 2015 - 6:24pm

Dear gr8ful,
You pointed out what ideals people strive for which are commonly held beliefs, so detrimental to self esteem and contrary to nature and damaging to the body.

It seems to me that this flat stomach and now the six pack on men and women is their first concern.
It was mine for decades.

Whole Woman is such a beautiful effortless posture, liberating in a holistic way.

Part of this journey is now not dying my hair anymore.

much love to you all,

Aussie Soul Sister

Surviving60

April 6, 2015 - 6:45pm

Ohhhhh.......Soul Sis, let me know how that goes! As i'm still in the workforce and see no end to that anytime soon, I just don't have the nerve to go there. Some women can really ace the gray/white look, not me. I'm not proud to admit it, but that part isn't going away any time soon! - Surviving

Aging gracefully

April 6, 2015 - 6:55pm

I finally took that plunge two years ago! I always said I was going to stop coloring at 50, and so many of my coworkers were letting the grey takeover, it helped me build the confidence to just do it.

Although, there are days I find myself wondering about going back, but my hubby says he likes it. He says we match now! Lol!!

Aussie Soul Sister

April 6, 2015 - 9:43pm

Surviving and Aging Gracefully,

It has been a long time coming and I wish I had never dyed my hair.

I used to get streaks done, and then went the whole way.
Everyone is on their own journey and mine has been gradual, but now that I am quite white and darker silver it is now time for me.
My scalp is also so sensitive that I don't wish to do it anymore.

The regrowth shows by 10 days, and the colour fades and is not what I would like anyway after a week.

I had a talk to my sister and we are doing this together.
It will be life as usual and I am not going to point it out, or ask for approval.
Will let you know how I go with that....

My Whole Woman journey has made me more determined to please myself.

Aussie Soul Sister

Surviving60

April 7, 2015 - 4:45am

I started to go grey quite young (it's in my genes) and was actually quite proud of it for awhile. But a day came when I was in search of a different job, and it was actually pointed out to me that my hair could be a liability. I was quite susceptible to an outside opinion on that subject; it was a trying time for me, a tough age to be in the job market. Now, I feel I can't go back to natural any time soon; I will patiently wait for the day when I feel I can pull it off. Keep us posted! - Surviving

gr8fl

April 7, 2015 - 12:21pm

Loved the posts about going gray ladies! Please keep us posted:) I'm still liking (for myself) my highlighted hair, but I know that the time will come when I'll need to chose either going all gray or all over color...I'm hoping to happily embrace the gray when the time comes. (S60, in time, you'll get to let that beautiful gray hair shine. The workplace for women, particularly as we age, is a whole other beast and there is also a great deal of wisdom in knowing how and when to pick and choose your battles.)

Thank you Christine for your kind words. I have often wondered, when you initially began your research and put all your findings together to create this work, if you knew at the time how aptly, how perfectly, the name "Whole Woman" was? Prolapse is really just the tip of the iceberg. Your most recent newsletter was beautiful. This truly is a lesson and you are our teacher- You are attempting to teach one of the most valuable lessons imaginable to, unfortunately, a most reluctant student body. Your fortitude, resilience, persistence and wisdom is truly astounding. But- there are those of us sitting in the "A" section of the classroom (ie front row) eagerly taking notes and embracing all you have to offer- can't wait for your new book!- and we'll pass along, to those around us that will listen, the lessons we've learned. Slowly- these snowflakes will add up. I do believe that, and in the mean time, maybe we can get our daughters to learn the value of WW without the prolapse- which is of course, a most ideal place to be.

The picture you saw recently on Facebook of the young mom who was once scared and frightened, now standing proudly and confidently in WW posture drives home the Mind-Body connection. They say that when you are feeling blue that you need to smile. Just smile even if you don't *feel* your smile because in a short period of time, that smile will cascade over into your emotions, and you'll begin to feel happier. I believe this is exactly what happens with the posture. I, like most women, have often struggled with a lack of confidence and self acceptance. But I've also carried my body in a way that kept it at it's 'smallest', most 'contained', an almost defensive position. I have no doubt that translated subconsciously to how I felt about myself. It's much easier to feel confident and proud when I carry my body in a strong, confident and proud manner.....

There is a book titled "Your Body Believes Everything You Say" (or something along those lines). I believe this is a two way street and your mind also believes everything your body says. WW posture certainly has a great deal to tell my mind, and the further along this journey I get, the better listener my mind becomes. :)-- as always, gr8fl

Arizona

April 7, 2015 - 3:42pm

Meh...grey, didn't work so well for me. I've always had mouse-brown hair so have colored it for most my life. Last year I swore off the coloring hoping to see beutiful grey or even snowy white hair. What came in was mouse-brown mixed with grey and white streaks. Not even remotely what I had hoped for...Jamie Lee Curtis' was what I wanted. HA!

I stuck with the "embracing my authentic self" until last weekend when I made a mad dash for the "not-so-authentic me from a box" ;-) I did find that the makeup and lipsticks that worked with the not-so-authentic me did not work at all with the authentic me...looked washed-out, so keep in mind that you may need to change your makeup as you grow your hair out.

Will give it another try in five years or so...got to lose this mouse-brown first: Lucky Jamie Lee Curtis.
Wishing you nothing but success Aussie Soul Sis, on your journey to reclaim your natural you.

Desert Rose

April 7, 2015 - 3:55pm

gr8fl, your posts are such an encouragement to my newby self. Thank you.

Miss Diagnosed

April 7, 2015 - 7:52pm

Your observations on smiling (fake it till you make it) are so true. I've always been struck by how much we can achieve through a good mind body connection and this really sums up where I am with ww work in the early stages. It's a constant reminder to hold the posture buy one day I hope my unconscious mind will take over and it'll become my default setting. No 'holding' required.

gr8fl

April 7, 2015 - 9:23pm

The posture will become so ingrained that *not* holding it is unpleasant and uncomfortable and just feels wrong. It takes a bit of time, but once you've done it long enough, it'll happen. I am still very focused when I work out, but just run of the mill day to day business no longer requires that constant attention and focus. This posture really has become my new norm as I know it will become yours.

gr8fl

April 7, 2015 - 9:24pm

Desert Rose- I'm so glad that you find my posts encouraging. When I was a newbie, the women who'd come before me and took the time to share their experiences provided such incredible comfort and hope for me during those difficult and very dark first days/weeks and even months. I'll forever be grateful to them and I'm so happy if sharing my thoughts/experiences does the same for you and others. It's a privilege. -gr8fl

Surviving60

April 8, 2015 - 3:55am

I have always preferred not to think of WW posture as something we have to "hold" - because that to me implies tension and stress. Think of relaxing into it. The soft belly will make you want to pull up your chest strongly, in order to look sleek and not slouchy. You can train your body to remember this posture, but it doesn't always happen fast (I was into my second year when it clicked). But if you are consciously "holding", you can't relax.

Like gr8fl, I can go about my day being automatically in posture, though there are still things I will ALWAYS have to do mindfully (bending and lifting for example).

All this takes time and work, but it is joyful work, that you are doing as you go about your life - Surviving

Lilium

April 8, 2015 - 6:31am

I feel so thankful and encouraged to read this post! I don't tend to be a "vain" person but lately have been so discouraged about my round, protruding belly I just want to cry. I can't even find clothes that look right on me - I am skinny but always look quite pregnant. (My belly protrudes way out from about 2 inches below my chest to several inches under my belly button.) I do the Goddess Belly dvd 3-4 times a week and one or 2 other of Christine's dvds on other days. I have gotten pretty good at holding WW posture when standing. But ... recently I noticed that I lose it quickly when sitting. In fact, I often end up hunched over and pushing my stomach out! I was starting to wonder if this was more of my problem than just plain old diastasis recti. My stomach is protruding and scrunched, if that makes sense. Anyway, thank you for writing and giving me some hope ...

gr8fl

April 8, 2015 - 10:03am

There are lots and lots of posts about clothing our relaxed bellies. I think everyone needs to do a little experimenting to find what works best for them. In my case, Lilium, like you I'm quite thin, but with this round belly it can give the appearance of a pregnant belly especially in clothes. (interestingly I think my relaxed belly doesn't give the same impression when I'm naked- maybe joining a nudist colony is in my future! ;)

Anyway- I have neither the desire nor the financial means to completely revamp my wardrobe so instead here are a few tricks I use. I love scarves and wear them frequently- because they are nice and long, they tend to lay over my belly and so draw attention away from it.

I have also kept all my jeans. I've never really liked the feeling of having something tight on my belly (odd I know given how I used to suck it in all the time) so I've tended to stick to the low rise jeans. Normally, these sit right around my hip bones- and are loose. They only cause a problem when I need to sit- so I very subtly unbutton them when I need to sit. ( I always wear my shirts untucked).

I like to layer, so often will loosely tie a sweater or jacket around my waist.

Peasant blouses are great and in style now- I've found some very inexpensive ones at Old Navy.

Anyway- just some thoughts. One thing I like to remind myself is this: We have all been conditioned to think of any woman who appears to be of child bearing years who has anything other than a concave/perfectly flat stomach, to "appear pregnant". Think of the magazines at the check out line- these female celebrities are constantly being harassed with pregnancy rumors if they appear to have even the slightest appearance of a tummy. I'm sure if all women walked around with their relaxed, rounded bellies, we wouldn't be assuming we were all pregnant until at least the appearance of a second trimester belly. This is just one more way in which we need to 'buck the system' and not let ourselves continue to churn the same absurd stories our culture tells us.

ActiveandLapsed

April 9, 2015 - 5:34am

SH I was/am tensing in WW posture too more than I would like. I like to remind myself how my prolapse is always better in the morning and all I have been doing is lying on my back (mostly) breathing naturally while asleep. I find this helps me relax when I think I need to push things (posture, breathing) to move my organs. It's a hard habit for me to break though as I always dealt with things by tensing my body and pushing it to achieve/do things.

Re the pregnant belly. As I am still in childbearings years I too don't want people to think I am pregnant but I want my prolapse to behave more so I think if people don't know me then who cares if they think I am pregnant and if they know me then they generally know I have this problem or maybe they don't notice as I have not been asked - amazingly. I wear loose tops too. I never used to wear loose tops as I went by the rule of accentuating my best feature - in my case my collar bone (sharp pushed back shoulders) and my flat belly. It was quite hard work always adjusting my posture to get it flat though, phew that is over. I was one of those people that didn't look pregnant 5 days after birth - argh I hate thinking about that now.

Lilium

April 9, 2015 - 6:06am

Thank you for those clothing ideas! And again, just the encouragement. :)