Simple, But Not Easy

Submitted by Desert Rose on May 12, 2015 - 12:58am
Body: 

I’m not really sure where this post best fits, but because I’m still in the emotional-struggle phase of acceptance of prolapse, I’ll file it under “emotional”. If it doesn’t belong there, moderators feel free to move it.

A couple of weeks ago I traveled to Albuquerque to spend time with my son and daughter-in-law. Before I left home I scheduled a session with Christine. I’m deeply grateful that I did.

If you’ve considered meeting with her in person or via Skype and have not, don’t hesitate. She knows exactly how to put one at ease. She is patient, gentle, encouraging, understanding and inspiring. At no point in time did I feel ill-at-ease, embarrassed or ashamed of my body or my issues related to this condition that invites all of these things on its own.

Spending time there really helped me resolve my sense of uncertainty concerning Whole Woman posture. It’s not really hard, as I had believed it to be. It’s really rather simple. What’s difficult is the fact that it’s so in opposition to the way I’ve carried myself, my body, my entire 60 years of living. OK, maybe not the first three to four years, but certainly from six years onward. I worked hard to practice what would become second nature, but sadly, not natural at all. Habit, long standing. The other hard part that challenges me is the need for constant consistency. Remember to remember and not forget. It’s becoming more automatic, gradually. It challenges everything I believed about who I was as a person. My identity was tied to my incorrect posture.

I’m still struggling with the issue of clothes, another strong identity issue. My clothes no longer fit my body, and little by little, they no longer fit who I am becoming. I’m exploring new possibilities but I’m just not ready to leap yet. My clothes no longer fit who I am, but they don’t quite *not* fit either. New clothes and new ideas don’t fit yet either. Some things I’m looking at actually repulse me, and that’s sad. That’s the product of a difficult childhood, a very abusive mother who taught me to hate my feminine self and a man who touched me inappropriately. A huge amount of healing has taken place on this front, so, this is my next season of change in that arena.

Some clothing ideas seem to invite possibility, but they just aren’t me yet. I’m not who I was, but I’m not who I’m becoming either. I’m somewhere in a middle place. I really do struggle with this at a very deep, core level. But, that’s what prolapse is, deep and core. My plan at this stage of things is to limp (clothing wise) through this summer and gardening season (where I’ll be too busy to do anything about it) and to continue practicing my new posture, my stance, my gait and my attitude. And when fall comes on, I'll begin to invest time in a new me. I’ve set the intention and the expectation and I’ve made contact with someone who will teach me to sew.

I wish I was ready, but for me, this is a deep grieving process. I’m crying as I type this last part out. I hate prolapse, so much, but if this is what it takes for God to get to these deep, core, wounded places in my soul where I decided as a small child that being a girl, standing like a girl, walking like a girl and dressing like a girl was a bad thing, so be it. He’s really good at going after the core issues. He's relentlessly good and relentlessly for me. I expect the day to come when I’ll be grateful for prolapse and its gift. That day seems a lifetime away yet, but I can feel it coming.

Forum:

Aging gracefully

May 12, 2015 - 6:20am

Desert Rose,
You don't have to wear girly cloths to be in whole woman posture. You just have to make some adjustments in your current wardrobe. I certainly wouldn't consider myself girly at all, although I do like to dress that way too. And, I bike, hike and camp in the woods, garden pushing my wheel borrow around, pulling up sod and weeds, not always gracefully, but always in posture.
The cloths I wear didn't even have to be adjusted that much. I actually found some really awesome hiking pants that aren't tight around the waist at all. I have some jeans and other pants that are little looser in the waist also, so it really isn't a big stretch of the imagination as you would think.

You don't have to change who you are, but whole woman helps you see more of the real you in there. Changing perspectives of what others think we should be to who we really are inside is what matters.

Surviving60

May 12, 2015 - 6:49am

I don't wear girly or loose flowing clothes either. All I had to do was ditch the "tucked-in-at-the-waist" look, by snagging a few extra of the kind of tops that overhang the waistband. Then I can leave the trousers open at the waist if I need to. How do you dress now, DR? Unless you are tightly cinched in at the waist, you shouldn't need a major overhaul. - Surviving

lanny

May 12, 2015 - 3:02pm

hi DR,

thank you for this beautiful, heartfelt and eloquent description of the change process. "I’m not who I was, but I’m not who I’m becoming either. I’m somewhere in a middle place." is the essence of the change process: letting go without the comfort of knowing exactly where you are going to wind up. it's hard work, and it takes a lot of courage. the prolapse is there to remind you that there is no going back, only going forward into the woman you are becoming.

becoming is what life is, how the universe works. i think it is primarily we humans who struggle so with that middle place and hunger for the security of the known even though the middle place is where life is the most dynamic, rich and full.

keep up the good work and keep us posted!

lanny

Aussie Soul Sister

May 12, 2015 - 6:07pm

Dear Desert Rose,
Love you and what you wrote.

This is a journey, and I have had enough time here to impart the hindsight that Whole Woman and everything that springs from it is amazing, with benefits far and beyond anything I have imagined.

Welcome and wishing you all the best,

Aussie Soul Sister

ActiveandLapsed

May 13, 2015 - 4:58am

What a lovely post Desert Rose. I have tears in my eyes tying this response. I remember your first posts on here and it so lovely to read how you are going.

I struggled with the clothes too and I just use to wear what I could for the first 6 months and then when I was ready and an opportunity came along I spent quite a bit on me and got some nice tunics to wear over leggings. Since then, and for the first time in my life, I like shopping for clothes and see so many lovely options in the shops so my style has definitely changed. Having said this I do get sick of leggins but I have not gone back to jeans yet but I probably will but I need things to be really loose in my waist.

Desert Rose

May 14, 2015 - 2:10am

Aging Gracefully, my current wardrobe does not support Whole Woman Posture. Adjusting the clothes so that I can assume proper posture winds up looking and feeling off and awful. So, truthfully, the wardrobe has to be completely changed out. I picture myself a year from now with a closet that is completely stripped out and very different things hanging in there, and, on me. This is as much about the inner changes as it is the external ones. No, I don't see me going all gauzy-frilly. I live in a place that is winter most of the year, so, the clothes will have to keep me covered and warm, but, they will have to be very different in order to fit properly in WW posture. Thank you for the encouragement, it means a lot.

Desert Rose

May 14, 2015 - 2:20am

Surviving60, for years I've worn Levi 501 button-up jeans, belted, with tucked-in, taylored, button up shirts. Un-tucking the jeans and wearing looser ones just leads to a baggy butt and sagging crotch that is unsightly and uncomfortable and the inside of the buttons bind without the tucked shirt. I've always liked being tight, tucked and tough (even though in reality I'm not a bit tough, I'm a highly sensitive person). For now, I'm going with baggy-saggy until I have the time and emotional energy to rework my closet. I've begun a word document on my computer with pages of images of clothes that I might could begin to move toward and the websites where I found them. Yesterday I sat with a pattern book at the fabric store adding ideas. Tomorrow I'll sit with another, and so on until I've exhausted what the fabric store offers. Having set my intention for fall, it's my hope that when the time comes I'll be ready and anticipating in a good way and that as I learn to sew and make my own things, I'll really feel like I own it and I "belong" in my new wardrobe home. It's a process. Thank you for checking in with me. I feel heard.

Desert Rose

May 14, 2015 - 2:21am

Lanny, yes, that's it. You said it so beautifully. Thank you.

Desert Rose

May 14, 2015 - 2:24am

Aussie Soul Sister, thank you. I appreciate those who have walked the path ahead and offer so much hope and promise. I'm in tears again. Thank you.

Desert Rose

May 14, 2015 - 2:30am

ActiveandLapsed, yes, tunics. I have a growing collection of tunic pictures and patterns, among other things. I don't imagine I'll wear leggings unless under other things - I just think I wouldn't feel really covered, but that's just me. I'm leaning towards maybe tie pants and/or wrap pants. Dresses and skirts will come later. Once I clean out my closet, I don't think I can ever allow myself to go back to jeans. I really think they have been a form of spiritual bondage for me that have contributed (along with the opposite of WW posture) to keeping me from my female birthright. If you have favorite places to shop, I'm all ears. Thank you for writing.

Surviving60

May 14, 2015 - 4:37am

Hi Desert Rose - It sounds like you are on a mission to reinvent yourself, and that can be a great thing, but a little overwhelming. I just wanted to say that I live in jeans year-round, even wearing them to the office on casual Fridays. Some are nicer and some are more worn in, but none of them are saggy or baggy!

They sit very low. Most of the jeans in stores are of the low-rise variety anyway. Mine are belted and sit well below my rounded belly. They do need an occasional tug upward from time to time. I have a variety of shirts and tops that look quite nice without being tucked in. Some of these are long enough to be worn over leggings on the weekend. I also have some comfy drawstring pants. - Surviving

Aussie Soul Sister

May 14, 2015 - 7:24am

Dear Desert Rose,
Clothes for me have been a challenge, however I am mostly at home so wear pull on pants with tie/and elastic in the waist - they are sold as PJs but at $3 a pair they have been wonderful to wear and relax in.
I don't like leggings - never have and have rarely worn them.

In summer I wear old jean shorts at home that sit low, and I do have jeans that I wear with hair elastics extending them between the button hole and button. I used to use safety pins but changing them around is too involved.
Most of mine are the lower waist, but I have to adjust them between sitting in the car and walking around, which is doable but not so discreet sometimes, not that I care that much anymore...

Last week I tried some slacks that I have and they sit at the waist and were loose enough to wear as normal both with sitting in the car and walking around.
I'm thinking that waist high is more easy to wear as I find myself often hoisting up or almost losing my jeans if they are lower cut.

I like to be able to sit on the floor also and jeans just don't do for that.

I am looking into alternatives, and loose waist high not too wide legged classic pants, like palazzo pants.

I have seen the look where ladies wear an actual dress with leggings or pants and that looks really nice and neat, and comfortable.
A coat - or shirt dress style would look nice - I would like to try that though I would wear loose legged a bit wider than drain - pipe pants, or a slight flare.

I would even consider making trousers out of a light to midweight denim which would look nice, ( I have a pattern with a flower motif to embroider on the leg), though wearing tucked in tops is not really an option any more unless the pants had a plain wide waist - band or no waistband with a facing.

I have made do with what I have with clothes, as my waistline changes a bit, however Desert Rose, you have helped me mull out some ideas. I hope you have fun with your ideas.

Aussie Soul Sister

ActiveandLapsed

May 14, 2015 - 11:32pm

Desert Rose I'm with SH and I don't wear jeans as I can't handle anything low when sitting - on the floor or in the car is the worst. Granted I haven't bothered to try all the types of jeans yet. It is definitely an individual thing and I am really interested reading what everyone wears.

I always wear a loose top over my leggins that comes down to mid thigh at least. I carry my weight on my thighs and bottom so I like to cover those a bit. I'm still not ok with showing off my full WW figure with tight clothes but am ok with that for now. I should be in Brazil as would fit in beautifully with my shape. I like a tighter top over the loose one in winter and I like boots. Doing this means that there is not that much of my legs showing. I like the tunics as there is so much variety so I feel tops wise I have more choice than I had before when I wore plain, fitting tops. I get sick of leggings and wear loose pants at times too or stretch pants (jeans type look) but I know the synthetic nature of these causes me problems with thrush if worn more than a day at a time (I have no problems with more natural materials).

I get what you mean about being challenged with the femininity of your look as I was a bit that way. I actually don't have a full length mirror at home since one of the kids broke it. The beauty of this is that I just wear what I want and don't check it in the mirror. There is some freedom in this and I know what colours go with what so don't need to see the full thing. I have half length mirrors.

Miss Diagnosed

May 15, 2015 - 6:58am

They are not only fashionable right now but look great baggy with a button up shirt, head scarf and a big slick of red lip stick! Think land-girls chic!