How can I help my mother-in-law?

Submitted by Faustyna on December 19, 2015 - 11:46pm
Body: 

Dear WW forum users,

About 4 years ago I met my mother-in-law for the first time; ever since, I've been witnessing her gradual health deterioration and now I am really struggling and it's painful to see her in this condition. At the beginning she could do her own shopping, a little bit wasted by the end of it, and with a back pain, but still independent, I thought it was a matter of losing some weight and take better care of herself, but season after season she wasn't getting anything close to some kind of restoration, all the opposite. I just remember two painful for her "going-outs" to a park nearby, and that's all I've seen her do real walking. She started using a walker at some point and not being able to go to the kitchen, prepare something or change her bed. She also started having vaginal bleeding, and obviously it was concerning, since she had already stopped having menstruation long time ago. This situation continued for some time, until became critique and she kind of decided to make an appointment with a gynecologist. She phoned that doctor and ask her what can she take to stop the bleeding in order to be properly checked, because obviously it was so difficult to her and she recommended her Dicynone tabs. She bought them and... never went to any appointment. Ever since, every time she has a bleeding, she takes them as if their were a medicine and is relieved when the bleeding stops. She knows my opinion, and I can just see that for some reason she is so scared to be checked, or ashamed, I don't know, but this level of negligence is just too much for me to handle, especially that it's a person I care for and love. Recently, she started having incontinence, really all of sudden, so now it's her everyday complain AND the bleeding from time to time. She says it's more of a stained liquid, than urine, is that possible? Also, that it is because some years ago she fell, and experienced incontinence for a short span of time as well, but is was already gone, and she hasn't had any of such accident ever after. She has been asking me about some home remedy for incontinence, and I just didn't know what to say, until I've decided to have a serious conversation with her, explaining her that we must become pro- active in here, told her about the posture and exercise, but that really got her disappointed, maybe thinking that she just cannot make it, she has never been really interested in exercise & healthy eating...
Some time ago she ask me to check her side of her belly, because she couldn't reach there and she felt it strangely wet, and yes, it was as if her skin got opened in that place, like an inch or so, and it didn't close, just grew some new skin thanks to some ointment ...
I don't have any clue what to do at this point, how to recognize the symptoms and how to help her. Have anyone here experienced these symptoms to know how to help or stimulate her to do something?

Forum:

Surviving60

December 20, 2015 - 3:42am

Not sure where to start. I'm so sorry for what you are witnessing; it must be hard not knowing how to help.

For a doctor to prescribe drugs without seeking out the cause of the bleeding, is malpractice in my humble opinion! Talk about putting a bandaid on a problem.....and of course, it's the perfect solution for your mother-in-law who doesn't want to go to the doctor anyway. I don't blame her one bit, but on the other hand, this type of bleeding ought to be investigated.

How old is she and what are her other health conditions? Does she have any specific diagnoses, or has she not sought any?

There is very little any of us can do when a family member or friend will not help themselves. What a sad but important lesson this is, in the value of taking the best possible care of ourselves.

The Elders DVD might be a possibility for getting her moving, just enough in the right direction to help nudge those organs forward. Do you think she would give it a try? Correct posture and exercise are the only true solutions to incontinence.

You sound like a wonderful caring daughter-in-law. You can work on this, but keep your expectations in line or you may be disappointed. She is clearly in very poor health. Best of luck to you. - Surviving

Faustyna

December 21, 2015 - 7:40am

Thank you for your response, Surviving, your words mean a lot to me.

I forgot to mention that I live in Mexico, but come from Europe, and the lax approach towards drugs and accessibility of it has always been a shock to me. You can buy so many drugs without prescription and absolutely no one has any control over this.

I will be getting The Elders DVD for her no matter what, it gives me hope to know we can do something to improve her quality of life even at this point.

She's 67, has high blood pressure, overweight, with back problems, cannot walk more than to her bathroom, complains more about her left leg and hip, losing mobility and cannot bend it anymore. Every cold she gets turn really bad in her case, leaving her with persisting cough. Plus the bleeding and incontinence, that's more less her health situation and she doesn't have any diagnose, don't even want to check her blood and urine.

I just can see how scared she may be deep inside of her, but she isn't willing to face it...

Aging gracefully

December 21, 2015 - 8:28am

Hi Faustyna,
I am sorry to say that this sounds more like a hospice situation than just a simple prolapse issue. Obviously, your mother-in-law's health is deteriating, and she probably knows deep inside what is really going on.
if she refuses to go in, there is really nothing else you can do for her. I saw people come in all the time with similar stories. I think you are just going to have to let her do this her way and give her the support she needs, until she is ready.