Sad news

Submitted by rosewood on January 8, 2007 - 10:53pm
Body: 

It is with a heavy heart that I share with you that I recently had a miscarriage. All five of us (me dh and three dc) were able to be there when it happened. We had a really beautiful and connecting experience around it, and named and buried the baby. We all feel that there was a reason this little life came to be with us for such a short time and that the purpose was completed (although perhaps my 20 month old may have been clueless about it all, when it happened, and I was having afterpains, he climbed on top of me while I was laying in bed, and nursed peacefully for over 30 minutes, his head cradled in the crook of my arm, just as a newborn might have -- it was very comforting).

It has caused me to reflect, amidst my sadness, about all the things I have to be grateful for. I have a great dh and three beautiful children. How much harder it would be if I didn't have 3 great kids already! My cup is full.

Also, hearing that the new edition of STWW will be published soon (can't wait!) has caused me to reflect with gratitude for this work. I can't believe I'm saying it, but my life is better now that before I discovered my symptoms. What a paradox. But I have changed. I am more connected to myself. I feel more beautiful than I ever have. I love the clothes I wear. I'm embarking on a whole new path with food, returning to more traditional methods of cooking (soaking, fermenting, sprouting, etc.). And while I do still have symptoms of prolapse (and more since the miscarriage), my biggest enemy to healing is fear in my mind. When I trust, all is right. When I trust, and do not fear, there is peace. That's where I try to work, as well as the body work.

And that's where I'm trying to go with the miscarriage, too. To trust and not fear. Perhaps the hardest part is that we were so excited! I had begun to dream about this 4th child; and now? Well, there might never be a fourth child, or there might be. But whatever it is, I want to focus on what I have, and I have much.

I haven't posted much lately, but plan to getting here more regularly, if for none other purpose than to record my gratitude for this work. For when I began to discuss prolapse with women, the ones I talked to talked only of the inevitable surgery. I will forever be grateful that I did a google search and found Christine's site and ordered her book and dvd. I often wonder -- what would my life be like now if I had not done that? If she had not been doing this work? I would still have the fear of surgery, and felt that that was ultimately the only option.

We all have our stories, and part of that includes pain. I wanted to share my little corner of pain with you. It doesn't lessen it, but helps me feel that I am not alone.

With love and blessings to all,

Marie

louiseds

January 8, 2007 - 11:31pm

Hi Marie

So sorry to read about your miscarriage. It is a hard time you are in at the moment, and you just need to take time to adjust. I too miscarried my fourth pregnancy back in 1992, and it just took time to adjust. We had not planned a fourth, so we had just got used to the idea of my having another baby at the age of 41, and were getting really excited about it when it all came to an end.

I often wonder what he/she would have been like, then I have to remind myself that this foetus was not even able to develop properly in the womb, so there would be no person for me to dream about.

Prayers to you and your family.

Love from Louise

MeMyselfAndI

January 9, 2007 - 2:18am

I am so sorry

Sue

granolamom

January 9, 2007 - 5:12am

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

howdidthishappen

January 9, 2007 - 7:45am

marie:

i just wanted you to know i was thinking about you and sending you love.

and i can only agree with your post. all so beautifully written.

susan

Therese

January 9, 2007 - 7:50am

Marie,
I am Catholic and when I have read what other Cahtolic parents say when they go through a miscarraige is that they feel baby is still part of the family --sort of like an angel watching over your family. We believe that the soul goes on and that we can commune with each other no matter what stage of life we are in. Earth or after death. I hope you can always feel that sweet spirit in your family!
What a wonderful story about this that you wrote...they way you folks were together is beautiful!
Thank you for sharing it.

ricearoni

January 9, 2007 - 8:11am

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with Therese and am praying that you will always feel the spirit of your little one. God be with you and your family.

Cessie

somer

January 9, 2007 - 10:07am

Marie, my heart goes out to you. The death of a baby, no matter what age, hurts! Thank goodness now miscarriage is acknowledged. When our babies died through miscarriage and stillbirth, there was no option to have any kind of a service or naming the baby--so healing to do these simple things. Each baby is different and I constantly feel the presence of our babies even after 30 years. We are never the same. Allow the tears to come when they will, they are healing. And we grieve each baby differently. You have come to a very caring website. Thanks for sharing.

Christine

January 9, 2007 - 11:10am

Dear Marie,

My deepest sympathies are with you. Thank you so very much for thinking enough of us to write and share this sorrowful event. I loved the story of your precious little boy comforting you. Please know we are always here for you.

Wishing you and your dear family healing and happiness in this New Year.

All Love,

Christine

mommynow

January 9, 2007 - 11:25am

I am so sorry Marie for you and your family's loss. I can't imagine the heartache you must all feel. What a beautiful letter you wrote us. You are such a strong woman. You are in my prayers.

PA runner

January 9, 2007 - 11:30am

My thoughts are with you and your family. Please make the time to take care of yourself.

alemama

January 9, 2007 - 12:46pm

bless this milk and bless this bread/bless this soft and waiting bed/ where I presently shall be/ wrapped in sweet security/ through the darkness, through the night/ let no danger come to fright/ my sleep till morning once again/ beckons at the window pane/ bless the toys whose shapes I know/ the shoes that take me to and fro/ up and down and everywhere/ bless my little painted chair/ bless the lamplight, bless the fire/ bless the hands that never tire/ in their loving care of me/ bless my friends and family/ bless my father and my mother/ and keep us close to one another/ bless other children, far and near/ and keep therm safe and free from fear/ so let me sleep and let me wake/ in peace and health for jesus' sake.

Marie you are so brave and strong. peace be with you.B

AnnW

January 9, 2007 - 2:17pm

Hi Marie,

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hold your babies close and give yourself time to heal.

Lots of love...
Ann

rosewood

January 9, 2007 - 5:10pm

It is with tears in my eyes that I read all of your posts, and thank you for your thoughts, poem, hugs, blessings, prayers and healing. It has been very healing for me to share with you and receive your responses. I didn't know one could feel so much love in cyberspace, but it's true! At first I thought, "Oh no, I even told the forum I was pregnant, and now I have to post that I'm not." Untelling is hard. Yet, how wrong I was, for this has been very healing to share with you and receive from you. It only makes me realize that much more how blessed I am.

With love, Marie.