scared to become pregnant

What grade are your problems at?

I can tell you that my gynae told me that most women who have had a child have a prolapse to some degree.

I musta had my first prolapse from 1988 when i had my first son - But I didnt know about it then (I just felt like I had another baby due imminently - or a brick - lol)

Then I had son2 and it went away a bit.

Then in 2002 I had dtr1 and a year or so after that I noticed the prolapse.

Since then posture has made things alot better.

I can say that if you only have a slight prolapse - then why be depressed - You caught it early to go into posture now :) Whearas alot of people dont find out till later.

If you want a child - Have one! I know it will be a scary thing - you are venturing into the un known. But there is the posture and it WILL help you no end!

I had constipation in last pregnancy - and as I refused to take that icky looking medicine the dr gave me I found that 6-8 satsumas (mandarins) a day made things ok again - Seems oranges work quite well with my family lol

There is a website that explains how you do not hafta push in labour - Those contractions and the body is doing the work for you - In my last birth I waited and waited and waitedddddddd (They kept telling me 'You can push now you know' But I didnt - In the end my stomach went RIGID and I knew it was time - One small push - head was out - One small push - She was born - So you are able to be in control of your own destiny and your own birth (I will go look for that site - brb)

:)
Sue

http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/pushnot.html

:)

Sue

I am encouraged everytime I read posts about pregnancy and prolapse. After being diagnosed with a rectocele a couple of months ago I also thought I "shouldn't" have anymore pregnancies- well that has definately changed to "maybe" I will have more....someday. I had three births in about 3 years- which if I do the wouldashouldacoulda thing I know was not a good idea (but even if I could I wouldn't change it now). I realized that I have had a rectocele for 3 years (since my first birth) and now it is just more noticeable- so to be honest and not to discourage you...my rectocele became worse after this last birth - so we are going to give it a few years and see if there is any improvement or at least a stabilazation before we try for another baby. at first I was pretty upset about this waiting idea but now.... well having 3 kids in 3 years is hard and I kinda am glad to have a medical reason to wait. as for electing for a c section- I think it was pretty bad advice. c sections are major abdominal surgery - they cut through many very supportive muscles and it cuts into the uterus- not a great idea for most women. I wish health care practioners would stop trying to do the thing that is most convienant for them and not for us women. I know from experience that you can vaginally birth with prolapse -
so if you want another baby don't rule it out right away. just watch your body awhile and see how you feel. for me I want to be able to play with the kids I have now - and if having another baby will compromise my heath to the degree that I won't be able to enjoy my family I am not going to do it- on the other hand if in a few years this thing is asymptomatic then I am going to give it a try:)
B

i am now 30 weeks pregnant, having been diagnosed with rectocele, descent and possibly a urethrocele (the physio seemed to think i should be having bladder problems but i haven't!).

when i finally got my appointment with the gynae about my prolapse 7 months after the birth of my 3rd child, i was already 4 weeks pregnant. i haven't found that pregnancy has made me any worse. i think the damage was done from the mother of all episiotomies i had with my first delivery.

as to whether a c section is appropriate, the female gynae i saw was adamant that this was not to be elected for, as the damage was already done, and that the risks from major abdominal surgery far outweighed the unknown factor of how would another labour affect my symptoms.

I can relate to your struggle between wanting another child and fear of worsening the prolapse. I was there a while ago.
I'd recommend taking some time to really throw yourself into this work, the posture, gentle-on-the-rectocele diet and especially the firebreathing. hopefully you will begin to see that you CAN stabilize your prolapses and live with them.
for me, that was key. I felt that my prolapses were somewhat stable and that even if they were to worsen slightly I had the tools (and the support) to learn to manage that too. at that point I felt nothing was stopping me from having another baby.
and my personal experience is that my prolapse symptoms are much less noticable during pg. we will see what happens afterwards, I'm a bit worried, but no longer afraid.

you write that you are depressed and frightened, most of us were at one time too. I know I was. It took a while to move from that to where I am now, I hope that you find your way through this too. It takes time, but it is possible. so there is lots of reason to stay hopeful.

Hi Mary

It is interesting that you mention that the doctor didn't tell you a heap of things. I have been visiting this Forum for well over a year now, and yours is a familiar story. Thank goodness you too have found us and can share in our collected wisdom, and we can share yours too. I don't know why doctors often don't tell you either the whole story, or miss out significant things you can do to help yourself. I guess it is because they don't know. They also get paid better by telling women to have surgical repairs, which does tend to keep women coming back for more surgical repairs in years to come ($$$$).

What it tells me is that each of us is ultimately responsible for our own wellbeing, and that means doing your own research as well as listening to health professionals. If you discover nothing apart from what the doctor has told you, s/he has probably been quite thorough with you. If you do find other stuff on reputable sites and sources you can ask the doctor about it, or if they look at you blankly you can look for another doctor quicksmart!

During your research it is important to have a look at the credibility of the source. There is a lot of therapeutic material and practices out there that look like genuine good research findings until you look at the fine print and see that the research has been funded at least in part by the company selling the product, or endorsed by people who are employees of the company, or the trial was very small statistically, or lacked a control treatment. So beware.

Ultimately, we all have to live with the results of treatments and surgical procedures for the rest of our lives. It pays to find out the whole story and manage conditions in non-invasive ways if possible.

Cheers

Louise

Hi,

I was reading your post about your rectocele getting worse after your 3rd. I am going to be birthing number 5 in a few months, but have just noticed rectocele symptoms this past year. If you don't mind my asking, does your prolapse cause you bowel problems? If not, how do you keep it under control?

I hate to even reply because I don't have any trouble and never ever have.......sorry sorry sorry to everyone who now can't stand me:) before I knew about this rectocele (from the time of my first birth) I had some mucus pass with round balled stool- does that make sense? I had this all the time- but I never had any trouble passing stool. just kinda reminded me of goat poop- I never thought anything of it.
since I found this website I am proud to admit that I have the "right" kind of stool. this is because of all the dietary suggestions I have been reading over the last couple of months.
okay so here is what I do- tonz of water. no milk products-minimal wheat products- organic chicken only once a week alternated with wild salmon every other week
a smoothie for breakfast with ground flaxseed- beans beans and more beans-oatmeal with oatmilk, apples, especially the granny smith pealed- rasins- brown rice and barley-nuts and seeds as snacks- salads-veges
I was mostly eating like this before (organic and healthfully) but I was not getting enough fiber at all and I think eliminating dairy, wheat and meat has been key (and it is really helping the prego lbs come off too) oh ya and on that note...I do exercise every day.
my theory about my rectocele is that it was caused by a terrible tear 3 times in 3 years- ( that is our spacing and I tore dreadfully each time) this last tear 4 months ago was stitched but the stitches ripped out and so that posterior wall lost a ton of support and over time started to relax- and now I have a prolapse.
so I think one of the most important things you can do for your rectocele is try very hard not to tear during your upcomming birth. If there is anyway you can do this do it-
we tried stretching the parineum for a few months before birth but it didn't help- looking back on it now I think a semi standing position would have been the best- maybe next time:)
are you ready for 5 children? the three I have now are exhausting- but I really do want more.
I hope this helps a little - I wish I could say more.

you want to know what bugs me- I feel like I have zero control over if I have a good prolapse day or a bad prolapse day- I read other posts where a good day is determined by passing stool properly- I am the same every day- I exercise and eat the same- I don't lift- I hold the posture- I rest-but some days my rectocele is peeking out and some days it's really visible. some days I feel it and some days I don't and there is no way to predict what will be-
a couple of weeks ago for 3 days it was high- so high - I was elated!!! I thought it was getting so much better- but then of course the next few days it was lower than it has ever been. what is the deal with this? Can there be no rhyme or reason? If I am doing everything right, how can it get worse? ugh....I squash down fear that it will worsen at least a few days out of every week.B

I feel exactly the same. I've been living with my cystocele for just over a year now and constantly analysing what makes a difference and I just can't see a pattern. Always bad just before and in the first few days of my period, apart from that there seems to be no reason why I'm good or bad. I can't predict anything! Like you I'll have a few days of feeling better and get all hopeful that my body is finally experiencing some healing, then sure enough I'm bad again and gutted.

Good Morning,

I am sorry to hear of your discouragement and I do understand the total senseless pattern (or lack of) of good and bad days. I am quite bummed out myself as I discovered in the last couple of days with the recent case of constipation and the straining I did (I know I shouldn't have) that I have made the rectocele worse and I can now feel it protruding into my vagina considerably more prominantly than before. I also have discovered that there may be cystocele issues. I defintely do rate how I feel based on the quality of my 'movements' so when that is going well I don't really feel prolapsed in a depressing way although it is there. I am having some acceptance issues and am terrified of what this birth will do. Our spacing is quite close as well, 5 in 7 years , and maybe our bodies just did not get enough break to heal. I did have episotomies with all four and do not plan to do that this time(first homebirth), but I can't rule out the tearing issue. It does seem unfair that we have to live with these conditions at such a young age with all these little ones to look after, this should be the best time of our lives. I hate that this has to overshadow it!!!!

Hi Alemamma

Yeah, the good and bad days are a bit hard to handle. Maybe it is just part of what happens when our pelvic organs are moving around into places they shouldn't be at different times during the day and night/menstrual cycle. Sort of like a traffic jam in one place can have unexpected effects on roads several kilometres away. Semi-digested food may stay in one spot for longer than it normally would, and maybe more of the process that occurs at that point happens to the intestinal contents at that point. Then everything moves on again. It's bound to have a follow on effect further down the tract. And maybe there is nothing that can really be done about it. Smooth progress of intestinal contents may no longer be possible because of the damage that has occurred to supportive tissue??

Anyway, that aside, once you know that you will have a couple of bad days a week on average, and you know what you can do about it from your trials of different techniques, foods and supplements, *the fear* becomes the thing you have to deal with.

Prolapses worsening can result in pain and discomfort and irregular use of toilets, but it will not kill us, and it will get better a day or two down the track. What is there to fear?

Lack of control? I have learned over the years (and with a good deal of cognitive behaviour therapy) that *I ultimately have no control over anything on this Earth, save my own response to any situation I am in*.

Think about this.

Once I stopped thinking I could control *anything* in my life other than my own response, a big cloud lifted and life is now somehow lighter (not always, I still slip into control mode occasionally!).

The illusion of control IMHO seems to be tied up tightly to our need to control, rather than guide, other people in our world. There are many points, eg, in a child's life, where their parents hand control of their life over to them, bit by bit, until the child is an autonomous adult able to make all their own decisions. What a relief that is.

Perhaps you can learn to trust your body to act in ways it always has previously. You seem to have it pretty well-trained, and you are acknowledging that you are squashing down the fear. Well done. Just let it happen.

You might like to think about the unconscious *thoughts* that pop up the moment you are aware of the fear. What are those little irrelevant thoughts that pop up from the past, that your brain ignores and unconsciously discards as irrelevant, even before they have formed properly? Try identifying them and writing them down, then deciding where they came from in a past fearful experience, or whether they are in fact rational thoughts that will help you through this moment. Perhaps they are just mental crap that your brain momentarily thought were relevant. You might find that the same unconscious thoughts arise time and time again. At that point you can immediately dismiss them as irrelevant or decide if there is some action you can take in response. Chances are you have already taken the action, so there is no more to fear. End of story. Fear conquered!

If you want to discuss this further, you can email me. It is a bit confusing, but very powerful for your well-being. I am not a qualified therapist, but I have experienced the benefits of this technique. There will be a heap about it on the Web.

Cheers

Louise

hey bigmomma, I am so proud that you are considering a home birth. I hope it is wonderful. Our last baby was born at home and it was the most amazing experience ever. We did a hypnobirth and the midwife didn't even know that the his head was crowning- that is how in a trance I was (came out of it fast when he was exiting though). I know I didn't give my body long enough to heal and that I did way way to much right after the births- I felt great so why not- hopefully you will try to stay in bed for a while after the baby is born. I know if I could do it all over again I would.
Have you ever thought about keeping a food log to see just what works and what doesn't? I can't imagine that you would have time with 4 children but....
as far as cystocele issues- I thought my rectocele was getting worse because I felt it alot more but it turns out the rectocele was fine it was just that my bladder was pushing on it and I was feeling it more. ugh.
Do you find on good days you parent more patiently? on bad days - like yesterday- I didn't want to deal with any conflict between them and I didn't want to lift them- not even the baby- I know it is silly to feel that way and I did take good care of them I just had to make myself instead of just wanting to do it well.

I am scared to be pregnant again but I am still considering another baby goodness knows I want more- do you think pregnancy is making your prolapse worse?
You know there are some things about this condition I can abide like no sit ups and rest when I need to and don't work so hard to keep the house spotless- and stand tall and proud and the fact that it isn't life threatening and isn't very physically painful- but I hate that other people can't understand it- it isn't like a broken arm or cancer- I just mean that it would be nice to have a condition that is okay dinner table conversation. bla enough whining. B

please mummy76- I can not imagine a year from now with no improvement. I am so sorry you don't feel much better a year later. How do you handle it? focus on the good days?
well I guess after a year you know your pattern and it isn't any worse is it?B

I don't know about this control thing Louise- you see I have always had superior control over my own body- I have always been able to do what ever I wanted when ever I wanted with my body. If I wanted to pole vault over a 9 foot bar I did it. If I wanted to swim 100 meters in less than a minute I just jumped in and made my body do it. If I didn't want to get fat I didn't, if I didn't want to get pregnant- I didn't. If I got angry and wanted to punch a wall I was able to stop myself. My body has been my tool- and I used it how I wanted- in hindsight I wish I had checked in more to see if that was an okay thing to do and now my I am getting the message loud and clear to slow down.
my fear thought is that it is going to get worse. I had this same thought when I was in labor with my first baby- I just kept thinking if it didn't get any worse I would make it through- well you know how that ended - it got much worse and how. but I made it through anyway. I guess I know no matter what happens I will survive - I just wish I had some thing to look forward to- you know what I mean? during birth I just kept thinking about my baby- how soon I would have my baby in my arms.
all along I thought this prolapse would heal- honestly- was I delusional? I guess so because now I have a rectocele AND a cystocele and here I was thinking I was going to get better-
I guess what would help is if I knew the worse thing that could happen and got okay with that in advance so that if it did happen I would be prepared.
thank you so much for your suggestions- I will keep thinking about what you said about addressing my fear- maybe swallowing it was a bad plan. B

Hi Alemmama and sorry it took a while to get back to you.

Hmm.. I remember being in your situation and trawling through the posts looking for encouragement, many women sent posts encouraging me that things would be better a six months or a year down the line. An honest answer to your question would be that things are definately better than they were in that first month or so. I used to constantly dread walking around and always have that 'falling out' feeling, and the 'ball' feeling when I sat down. Then around four months it lessened. I can't say honestly why. At that point I thought maybe it would go completely. Sometimes I think I've just got used to the feeling as physically when I check it is no different.

Now I have good days and bad days which sounds very familiar with what women would say to me back then, they talked to me about 'acceptance'. I guess I'm not there with acceptance but I'm very aware firstly that I am not as bad as I was and secondly that it could be so very much worse. I live with the ups and downs and accept that at least it's something that doesn't give me chronic pain. I think I am understanding as I see myself and other friends go through various physical problems that we all have our 'thorns' to live with, and this is one of mine.

In a way fear of it getting worse is the hardest thing. Uncertainty of the future and whether the situation will worsen. I have a love hate relationship with this board, I love the comeradery and encouragement from other women that are so strong, and I hate the way it makes me pore over stories and possibilities of how things could get worse, that's not blaming the board, but my own emotional and mental reaction to it!

So I handle it by carrying on, being honest with my friends about my limitations and my disappointment. Praying.. although this has all been quite challenging to my faith! And knowing that I can still sit with my feet up and read a book if it all gets too much. Not easy with two kids, but I know people with chronic pain that never get any peace, so it's good to count blessings.

I never understood the 'acceptance' posts either, just clung onto straws of hope that it would get better, and who knows, maybe things will still improve as I get to know my body better, but you need to know I'm happy, I have a productive, full and thriving lifestyle and this hasn't held me back. It is possible! If my situation got worse I don't know how I'd cope, but I try not to dwell on the possibilities and focus on what's good now.

Sorry to go on! Much love and encouragement to you. Remember you may be totally different to me aswell, it's more common to get better after six months.

Esther x

Hi Alemama

You just hit it on the head in the last paragraph. It is such a paradoxical condition. Life changing, unsexy, uncute, TMI for many people, but *mostly* OK for *most* women once you get your head around what you need to do. Maddeningly frustrating if you can't get it right.

Keep venting occasionally. I am sure it is good to do it. Keep your chin up.

Cheers

Louise

Hi Again Alemama

Hmm, I can see now why you find it so frustrating. My daughter has just failed two of her four Uni subjects, the first time she has ever failed to achieve what she thought she could in her life. She too is a person who just decides to do things and goes ahead and does them. Her Dad and I have been waiting for it all to come crashing down for a couple of years. Partying and too much part-time work was the problem and she is now well on her way to solving the second. The first will be a bit more challenging!

You may now be experiencing an Aha! moment, where your belief that you could make prolapse heal has been shattered, and the way has been cleared for a more realistic aim of managing it and preventing it from affecting your life negatively or getting worse.

That's another distinguishing thing about prolapses. You will always have them, but you never know when a bad day is coming, and it is the Pits when it does, and you don't look any different to other people.

I have prevented my prolapses from getting any worse since changing posture, food and clothing. I think my prolapses resulted from a combination of lifelong butt-tucked-under posture, constipation issues from childhood, forceps and episiotomy with first birth (pre-eclampsia), hyperstimulation with infertility treatment for second pregnancy (seriously blownup ovarian cysts from week 5 to 12 of pregnancy), adult asthma coughing that was never diagnosed properly and was badly and unsuccessfully treated (now gone), lifting technique which was done as instructed but damaging to my female anatomy, etc.

I feel like a casualty of a badly managed disaster sometimes, when hindsight tells me how this variety of factors could have been largely managed differently, but we all carry life's scars and as you say, are stronger for it. The human body has a lot of built in room for error, but there are limits. Hey, I'm nearly 54, still alive and I can still do a cartwheel and have enjoyable sex every night if I am lucky. How good does it get??

Unfortunately if I lived in some parts of this big country and was Aboriginal I would be very lucky to be alive and in such good shape.

My husband and I were lying out on our lawn star-gazing last night (it's midsummer here), with a bag of chocolates and three playful dogs trying to convince us to give them chocolates as well. I said, "I wonder what the people staying in luxury resorts are doing at the moment? Aren't we lucky? We have a back yard and a green lawn to lie on." DH's response was, "Yeah, we have a home." Hmmm, food for thought.

You now have all the tools to manage your prolapses for the best outcome possible for the future. I still learn new things from this Forum that I am not going to learn anywhere else, so you can keep learning too.

"You can't undo the past but you can start now to make a new future" (not an original quote, but a goody)

You basically know what caused yours, and other things to avoid if possible to prevent worsening. I don't think I have read any posts from women who have found an additional uncomplicated birth worsening their prolapses, so why should it get worse?. With my first birth the risks from pre-eclampsia were judged to be greater than the risks of epidural & passive birth with forceps and episiotomy. That is fine by me, as I came out of it alive and healthy, as did our strapping 24 year old son, thank God. I also elected to have the infertility treatment that could have caused a stroke, but that resulted in the birth of the aforesaid lovely daughter, so we have her as well.

You know that surgery carries no guarentee of fixing anything, is irreversible and carries life-changing risks of different degrees, and have decided against that option.

You know what you can do to carry your pelvic organs well forward, feed your body well to ensure strain-free bowel movements, dress your body in a way that reinforces your posture and freedom of movement for your belly, and you can exercise, not for the body Olympics, but for a durable, well-maintained machine that will do the distance.

A spade will do the same job as stick of dynamite when you want to dig a hole, and the edges will be a bit neater.(Whoo! That was a bit Zen).

I wouldn't worry too much about the worst that can happen, except that you will know it if it eventuates. It will be much more positive to look after your body to minimise that possibility, and accept that you do not have complete control over what happens to you in life. There are sometimes compromises that can be life-saving, like my pre-eclampsia treatment (which mostly only happens with first births). When shit happens you just have to grieve over it, accept it, apologise and seek forgiveness(to others or yourself), and move on in relative peace.

You also commented on a lack of having something to look forward to. These are strong words, and I hope they are not a sign that you are hopeless about the future, full stop. I hope they are only about prolapse, for which you seem to feel that success evades you and the fear of failure stalks you like a tiger in the night, like it is some sort of life-threatening competition. This last bit might be a bit over the top. Forgive me if it is.

Since out daughter has had a seriously lovely steady boyfriend, and with Christine's daughter about to give birth, the distinct possibility of our having grandchildren within a few years has only just dawned on me with great delight. The last few years have been tinged with the sadness, worry, difficulty and frustration of children leaving home and moving to the city for work and study and living in a home that is more like a transport depot for stuff they leave, spare cars, old stuff that they can't bear to get rid of, and general unpredictable mayhem.

Life changes at the blink of an eye, and our priorities need to change along with them, but fear can blind us all to the possibilities that we do not yet know about, because we are not in that space yet.

Sorry this has been so long.

Cheers

Louise

Hey alemama,

I know that I, too, am MUCH more patient when I am having a good day. It seems that my whole life recently have revolved around this and before I had a chance to really accept it, BOOM, I was pregnant again. I have to count my blessings A LOT some days and when I'm feeling good, I tend to forget all about the prolapses, except for the "how will tomorrow be" question. On the plus side, all my kids are healthy and happy and I wouldn't trade that for anything, so I am very blessed. I guess what I need to work on is not only doing the things I need to do to make myself better, but also how to best handle the not so good days. I did keep a food diary for a few weeks, but I did not find that it really told me anything:(
I know having more kids is scary , believe me, but if you want more, go for it, I don't think we will ever regret having more, but maybe regret being scared not to. I am definitely not saying this will be my last, I'll leave that up to the big guy upstairs..

Hugs,

Bigmomma

"I know having more kids is scary , believe me, but if you want more, go for it, I don't think we will ever regret having more, but maybe regret being scared not to"

that's exactly how I felt. you never know what tomorrow may bring. how silly would I feel if my prolapse was completely reversed by the time I hit menopause and then its too late. and how much regret if I didn't have any more kids because I was afraid the prolaspe would get worse and it got worse anyway? you just can't predict these things. all you can do is follow your heart and pray for the best.

Hi,

I had a 2nd pregnancy/birth with an existing stage 2 cystocele/rectocele from my 1st birth (homebirth by the way with pushing in a water tub and delivering on my knees - not the kind of birth that you would expect would give a prolapse). Anyway, everything went fine (actually wonderfully) with the second pregnancy/birth.

My prolapse had improved a little by the time I became pregnant again. My midwife had told me that after the baby is a certain size, the pelvic area bones are doing a lot of work holding up the baby. That was enough to reassure me and the pregnancy was fine (just a little more of a heavy feeling right near the end). The delivery (another home birth and completely in water) was no problem.

I do have some input on the pushing (my second birth was amazing): My first birth, when the midwife said "you are about at a 10, you can push if you feel like it", I didn't feel like pushing but I thought "whatever will get this baby out and stop these contractions asap" so I pushed away (for the next 2-3 hours) without ever having an urge to push. I have sometimes wondered if all my forced pushing contributed to my prolapse. At any rate, on the advice of an awesome doula, during the second birth, once again I heard "you are about at a 10, you can push if you feel like it"...and I just waited. Wow! I can only describe it as the opposite (direction) as throwing up (you know how you don't have to think or push to throw up, it just happens). My body just did this amazing synchronized rolling downward muscle push that I had absolutely no control over, and the baby was out after just 2 of those. Amazing what your body can do when you let it.

Best wishes to you.

I just wanted to contribute to this.

I too feel that there is a huge amount of individual coming to terms with the entire idea of prolapse before acceptance is reached. Everyone has to find their own way with this, and looking back I can see my own transition clearly now that it is a year later.

I have gone from constantly asking "why me"? to actually being grateful that things aren't a great deal worse than they are. That is knowing now, what I didn't know then.

I can remember thinking that if my prolapse wasn't completely "cured" that I would totally fall apart at the seams, literally and figuratively speaking!

I then moved on to being constantly terrified that things would get worse, suddenly, one day.

I then passed through the whole regret, and questioning about my first birth experience, to general depression that I was forever altered.

I think that oh so gradually I began to shift my mind set towards understanding that this is pretty common to a greater or lesser degree, and that really helped. After all, did I really imagine that I would push out two almost 9lb babies and my vagina go back to what it was? Well I guess I actually did which is pretty funny now that I think about it. I have heard so many times from other women that things are "looser" down there. I bet that what they are describing is actually prolapse, albeit perhaps not symptomatic.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that now I TOTALLY accept that I have prolapse, and although I know I have been very lucky in that it gives me no trouble right now, I also accept that it might in the future, and really that is OK. I have seen it get better, then worse again after a couple of coughs, and then improve once again with monthly changes in between, but I have truly stopped worrying about it on a day to day basis, and can concentrate on other things.

I remember someone saying to me in response to one of my despondent posts that they seldom thought about prolapse. I thought I would NEVER get there but I have.......truly. I still have prolapse and I have fully accepted that and all that it might bring, and I am OK. Reading my early posts it is interesting to see how far I have come with this.

Alemama, please know, you WILL feel better about this!! It is all a process that you will pass through. I think the only thing for me still is the baby issue. I still long for another, but even feel that this is possible now thanks to all you pregnant Mama's out there who are pioneering onwards.

Sorry, I don't feel like I made much sense but anyway.

Hugs,

Michelle x

thanks carolyn, for sharing your experience with not pushing until you were really ready. that's my goal for this time, its helpful to hear that it really works that way.

honestly, my eyes are welling up with happy-tears reading your post (ok, I'm hormonal and everything makes me cry). I remember your first posts, and I knew you'd get to where you are now, its wonderful to read your last post.

I also know that you are not alone, you've pretty much described my transition as well. I am sure others have felt the same way.

and we are all pioneering here, no where else is there a group of women who have chosen to manage prolapse non-surgically with a specific model of intervention.

I've said this a million times, but thank G-d for Christine and for the internet!

Michelle -I loved reading your post. Thank you for your honesty. It must be amazing for you to know how far you have come. B

Thanks too G.Mom and Alemama!
I remember reading on another forum a post from woman saying that the only regret she had about her prolapse journey was that she wasted the precious early years of her childs life fretting over it. That really made an impact on me, and whenever I felt too down, which was often up until quite recently, I thought of that, and it gave me the clarity to see my way through. Aren't women amazing! :)
Michelle

Wow--exactly the conclusion I have come to since my diagnosis 12-18-06. You expressed it perfectly!!!

Mary Ann,

That was beautifully put and I do hope a lot of the newcomers read what you just said.

Thanks for the best wishes. It is so encouraging for each of us to know we have balcony people. (Balcony people are those who are cheering us on).

Hugs,
Grandma Joy