Rectocele/Overwhelming Anxiety

Submitted by Rectomom2017 on October 10, 2017 - 1:29pm
Body: 

Hello :) I am new here, however have been reading quite extensively over the last couple of days.
I am not sure if this is the current Forum to post in, forgive me ahead of time if it is not.

I was diagnosed with a rectocele about a year ago-grade 4. I also have a cystocele which I do not remember the grade on that one. The Dr. was surprised as my uterus has not prolapse very much at all. I am 30 years old with 4 children and am a tad overweight (about 40lbs). A year has gone by and I have not really noticed much of anything, sex life has been fine on both ends (so he states lol) and I have been using the restroom fine as well (except now that I think about it.. the last month it has taken me a bit longer to empty my bladder). However moving forward to yesterday. I was using the restroom and have been having a bit of a hard time releasing my bowels (just put if off to constipation) and am currently on my period. I went to change my tampon and noticed a large smooth bulge right at the entrance of the vagina near the rectum. It is about the size of a half-dollar if a half-dollar were as round as a large grape (if that makes any sense). I immediately became anxious as it is right at the vaginal opening. I took my phone camera set it on video mode and moved it around down below to get a sense of what I was feeling. It is indeed a bulge! I began to cry, and have not lost that sense of anxiety yet. I am currently at a new job so I have given up my insurance for 3 months until I am eligible here, so unable to see a Dr. until December! I am not sure if it has gotten worse, or if I just have no noticed it yet, however my anxiety is now telling me that I am having trouble evacuating and that the rectocele is why. I have continuously touched it to see if it is moving down more... as well as freaking out that it is going to fall out of my vagina! I am scared to have sex with my husband after my period is finished because what if he notices. You can not physically see it unless you spread my lips apart. I have been feeling pressure down below for a few months now. I am a mess right now. :( I want to have more children, I am not sure how this will impact it. I would like to ask a few questions that I hope you wonderful woman can assist me with.
-where is your rectocele located, has it come out of the vagina?
-how large is your rectocele?
-do you feel "looser" during sex?
-does your partner notice it?
-is this going to get worse?
-have you had more children with a rectocele, did it become worse after your vaginal delivery?

I also sit down at work all day and have started to worry that perhaps the pressure of sitting is making it worse as well.

All in all I feel completely lost. Like my body has failed me, I feel tormented that my insides are falling out!

Thank you all for listening to my freak out. I do not know what to do or how to feel at this moment. It is really not something that I can discuss with anyone, even my spouse (he is a great man, he just does not engage in these type of discussions lol).

Thank you so much :)

Forum:

Aussie Soul Sister

October 10, 2017 - 7:20pm

Hi Rectomom2017,
Relax as you have come to the right place to manage this.
To answer your Questions I can answer no to them all! Men don't notice and intercourse is good for helping the organs to stay in their place.
I had 2 more children with rectocele. I also waited 17 years to find Christine's work, so now that you are here, you can adopt the posture and work on yourself without the need for an appointment except with Christine if you are very concerned.
Having said that, I have managed here for the last 5 yrs by learning the posture and watching my diet.I used the exercises as an adjunct to the posture which is lived in during waking hours and the basis for every day... I hope there is nothing stopping you from getting up from your desk to walk around and stretch, and learn how to sit with WWPosture at all times.
Also watch Christine's videos on posture, sitting toileting etc...she covers it all!

If you wish there is also a letter to husbands by Lanny, Christine's husband if he is open to reading about prolapse from a man's perspective.( I will find the link and post separately...

Your body has not failed you, it is actually telling you there is something wrong.... it is a new path that will be filled with self discovery, self love and care and enlightenment as to the wonder of our bodies!

I came here alone and scared like you 5 years ago and will never look back now due to the support here and Christine and Lanny's work to help women across the world. I was able to not only manage rectocele, and it stays in, I healed hip instability, knee and back issues and balance issues as well as strength... and now it is a much healthier spiritual older woman's journey for me...
I wish you all the best and let us know how you are going!

much love and a Big Sisterly Hug,
Aussie Soul Sister
P.S Here is the link to Lanny's Letter
https://wholewoman.com/library/content/articles/husbandsguide.pdf

Rectomom2017

October 11, 2017 - 11:18am

Thank you so much for such a wonderful response. You have eased my mind so much. I have been trying to learn to navigate this page in order to find everything, as well as will order Christine's book that has had so many positive reviews. I am so thankful for this site as I have not been able to find much information for living with prolapse.

I am very fortunate that I am able to get up from the desk to go and walk etc.

The letter from Christine's husband was absolutely amazing. I thank you so much for sharing that with me, as it comes from a perspective that may help my husband with understanding (when I am ready to talk to him about it).

Today I am doing a bit better, I am still pretty overwhelmed and am still finding myself checking it whenever I go to the restroom (still there by the way haha).

I am going to start watching the videos this weekend to better understand how to maintain this.

Thank you so very much for all of your help and kind words. :)