How to Communicate with Patriarchal Paradigm MD, create Healing Team

I first learned of SWW about a year or so ago, but instead of going into depth with it, I went off on another holistic healing path, learning & doing qigong [traditional chinese medicine powerfully self-healing exercises. Some are supposed to heal POP by balancing the Spleen, an organ which enables all the other organs to stay in their rightful places.]

But, as Lanny at SWW reminds me, POP is more a mechanical problem than an energetic one.
[Qigong is more an energetic type of healing, whereas SWW is more mechanical-oriented.]

I live on disability as the result of being the survivor of extreme, long-term domestic violence, stalking, and sexual assault, including being the target of sexual violence as a young girl-child. I have felt more liberated and empowered as a strong, resilient survivor as a younger woman, before I went on disability. I feel especially dis-empowered by the Medicaid & Medicare system's ageist, abelist, classist, discriminatory-against-complementary & alternative medicine, patriarchal medicine, in the states I have lived in, while on disability, which often triggers me back into feeling re-intimidated & re-traumatized, which I then have to reprocess to where these are again minimized and managed.

I have earned an education, am considered as very gifted and talented in many ways, and I am a very capable, self-reliant, intelligent woman, but I feel a great deal of oppression from this public-assistance system, especially the Medicaid and Medicare systems.

My POP is a very severe Stage 4 one, I am told: my uterus has gradually turned inside out & hangs down below my perineum about 3"+ It is getting gradually more painful,[gravity is pulling on my ovaries, small & large intestines, it seems, and I have to pee & poop very frequently, especially because one M.D. I see put me on a diuretic!!

I still strongly prefer to commit myself to learning & doing all that is available to do via SWW, as soon as possible.

I am brainstorming how to raise money to pay for complementary & alternative medicine, including coming to a SWW conference, myself, with the help of others, despite being told by some public assistance bureaucrat that if I raised money for the kind of care I feel is best for me, I would have to "pay it back" to the public assistance agencies, even though they have discriminated against me regarding the very limited kind of patriarchal western medicine they provide.

I am going to see a very talented female ob-gyn surgeon, later today. I have been referred to this surgeon by one of my male primary care doctors, because he thinks "all I need is to find a surgeon I can trust," after I told him I have a lot of difficulty with the idea of "going under the knife" with an ob-gyn surgeon, [having heard many stories of such doctors deciding to remove healthy ovaries without a woman's consent while she was unconscious but justifying doing that as an "emergency/preventative" strategy to prevent theoretical nonexistent cancer of the ovaries] where I would have to give up all control over my body. He trusts this colleague of his, so he thinks I will trust her, too, my reservations about having a hysterectomy will be solved. I do want to see her, get more information, while reserving the right to say "No" to the surgery, but having it as a back-up, if I decide the pain and discomfort I am in gets to be "too much." [On the other hand, it still seems to me it would be more effective to self-heal this POP vs thinking this surgery would solve it permanently.]

One of the many primary care doctors,about 1/3 of my age, I have recently seen about this, who is not a psychologist or psychiatrist, has now declared I am refusing to have a hysterectomy because I am "choosing to relive my original traumas," whereas I know I am refusing to have a hysterectomy in large part because I perceive it's an ultimate form of medical sexual abuse that I want to avoid, in my opinion, as well as in Nora Coffey's opinion at the H.E.R.S. Foundation [An international women's health education organization. HERS provides information about alternatives to hysterectomy and the aftereffects of the surgery.] & it could ADD to my sense of being traumatized. This M.D. says she is going to get together with the clinic's social worker I see as a therapist, who is also not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I guess to agree upon this young doctor's theory that I am "just reliving trauma!"

Even if I were to be "choosing to relive my traumas," that is not a reason to have a hysterectomy, to avoid being labeled with some psychiatric mumbo jumbo by this M.D. & S.W.

I originally survived domestic violence, stalking, & sexual assault by no longer allowing myself to internalize other people's judgemental sexist opinions of me, even of "more powerful than me" patriarchal doctors! I am coaching myself on once again listening to my own intuition, feelings, values, thoughts, etc., here.

I also feel pressured by very old memories of being aware of my mother and other women her age docilely accepting having hysterectomies and patriarchal-dominated birth experiences without question,
only to find themselves very emotionally distressed as a result of these experiences., pressure to follow in my mother's footsteps, even if she is dead,now...I am so grateful to my college sisters for forming a women's movement that stood up to those patriarchal doctors back then, asserting that they wanted their female bodies and experiences treated with freedom, dignity and respect. I need to remember "we have come a long way" as women in this society.

Thanks, Survivng, for your perspective. I can now more easily picture myself taking care of this POP with SWW ways, and not letting these doctors dominate my thoughts and decision-making, not even bringing it up with them...

I think I learned of "GreenSurance" through the SWW info, which provides holistic health insurance, founded by a cancer survivor, and I am looking into whether that would work for me. I am looking into other alternative health insurance, also.

Then, I could start a business, have the holistic health insurance, and perhaps get completely off of this often harmful, in my opinion, public assistance system.

I did meet with the talented ob-gyn doctor that one of my primary care doctors referred me to,this afternoon, thinking that because he has worked with her & trusts her, I would, too: she was very kind & respectful, & did not pressure me to have a hysterectomy. She did not bring up the idea of a hysterectomy at all. She feels the "gellhorn" pessary may work better for me. [I was fitted with an "inflatable donut" pessary about a year ago. It was a pessary that was likely to work with a severe POP, it was thought. But it slid right back out within minutes of my inserting it.] This gellhorn pessary may be more effective than the "donut." I hope so. This doctor suggests that I not do pool physical therapy until, with her help, we are able to get my uterus [+bladder & colon, I think] to stay back inside my body.

She gave me some estrogen cream to regularly put on my exposed inside-out uterus, because it has been scratched a lot, she said,[maybe scratched by the very dry incontinence disposable paper panty liners I now regularly wear..?] & is irritated, has little sores & some bleeding all over it...I am not sure if there are any harmful side effects with this hormone cream or not, but for the moment, I like the idea of applying it to my exposed uterine tissue, feeling desperate to be treating it more gently & effectively. [I was spreading coconut butter across the surface of the liners, to be less drying & irritating to my skin, but I was often too tired or busy to do this, and so then, I used just the dry liners as is, without the coconut oil often.]

I can now focus my attention, on learning the WW way much more seriously & in depth, making it a habit. I already have some of Christine's DVDs, which I will start to learn from more in depth tomorrow. There are many exercises I can be doing, especially SWW ones, until I am managing my POP with the gellhorn pessary well enough to start the pool PT, as well.

I am glad that a degree of my own trauma-generated negative stereotypes about "patriarchal, modern western medicine doctors" were somewhat dispelled by meeting this respectful western medicine doctor, too. Maybe I was able to empower myself in my own mind, more, than in times before, because of sharing support on this forum, & not feeling like I had to deal with this POP completely alone.

Thanks for reading this & sharing your support!

Thanks, Christine, for your information, while not telling any woman to not take the advice of her doctors, & not suggesting I not change my course of treatment.

I greatly appreciate the information you give in the comment above, without any pressure to decide anything one way or another. I seek information from many sources to then make up my own mind.

I feel encouraged by how the information in your above comment supports me, without pressuring me, in feeling more & more confident in committing myself to consistently learning & doing WW practices over the long-term. I think I originally did not completely absorb the WW information, having been so inculcated by the sexist nature of our culture, as a girl and young woman, to believe much of what the patriarchal doctors of the day dictated, including about posture & options if one's pelvic organs prolapse.

I was raised as the only daughter in a career military family, where feminine values and perceptions were severely punished and suppressed. My mother, my role model, depended on military doctors for her care, including when giving birth to my brothers. I remember her crying as she talked about the memory of having to lie on a hard table while in labor, while surrounded by non-empathetic, non-attentive military doctors. My father parented by using brain-washing techniques he learned in boot-camp.

I often must work intensively with the resulting early-childhood conditioning I received, to get to where I feel I am following my own inner wisdom as a woman. I believe what has allowed me to survive much adversity IS always going back to listening to my own intuition and natural wisdom as a woman, as my feminist sisters and therapists have supported me in doing.

There was a period of time before I went on disability where I had healed enough that I felt relatively more confident in my creative, capable self, after doing much therapy and self-healing.

But I felt it hard to find work, due, both from past trauma, as well as having a a very wide range of gifts, interests, and talents not traditionally recognized or valued by the dominant-white-male workplace.

I had been told by various helpers, that state-sponsored vocational rehabilitation could help me.

I went on disability assistance, to have more time to heal more in depth from layers of trauma & re-traumatization, to go through vocational rehabilitation, and to have affordable housing.

I then discovered myself submerged in yet another very oppressive environment, in my opinion, that I was very financially dependent on, including subsidized housing for senior and disabled people that included sexual assault & harassment of the grandmothers and other older women living in this housing by older male residents. [Google: Stop bullying elderly people in HUD-subsidized housing" photoluminations.com/drupal/node/87]

While counting on this public assistance I have experienced similar conditions that contribute to feeling brainwashed, where one is kept in an artificial scarcity, due to the very low fixed income, in which one's sources of getting every of one's basic needs met are constantly threatening to take them away. My daily schedule is so disrupted & consumed by the ongoing artificially created crises of running out of food, running to emergency food pantries, dealing with utility bill shut-off notices, bureaucratic red tape that requires hours per day of phone calls and trips to agencies, and involves reams of bureaucratic paperwork, that I have developed a sleep disorder, & there has been little time for further in-depth healing. I must be especially clear what my priorities are to use my energy effectively for healing & self-care, under these conditions.

When I went through vocational rehabilitation, I discovered, once again, ageism, and inadequate resources for helping an intelligent, many-gifted-and-talented, creative, independent-thinking woman.

I think depending on this public assistance, as well as my childhood first impressions, has helped me feel more dependent on this kind of patriarchal-origin health care, helped me to feel fearful of some kind of negative reprisal if I don't submit to the ways the Medicare & Medicaid doctors say I can heal. I thought I would be able to pick & chose what they suggested I do, but there seems to be some unspoken agreement among a majority of these doctors to treat older disabled women in a more dictatorial ageist way, as if we are little children who have no wisdom, insight, choice, or healing ability of our own, that is pervasive, and has been harder and harder to resist, as my life-energy feels more and more depleted by these ongoing public assistance living conditions.

If I can create my own alternative safety net and social network, find or create holistic healthcare, and self-care that further supports me in healing vs being treated like I'm hopeless & to be treated only with multiple medications often with multiple side effects & surgeries to manage my hopeless, in their opinion, life until I die, if I can summon more courage & confidence to start my own business or pursue my own career, listen to my own intuition once again,and if I can somehow move forward towards my dreams & life's purpose, despite the financial ruin and the disability assistance detour, I will be back on track.

Healing my financial condition as well as my POP & other health issues seem to go hand in hand.

In Norway, they have a very strong social safety net. They encourage their citizens to dream big, start businesses based on those dreams, & if they fail, their safety net takes care of them without letting them sink into shame, financial ruin, and homelessness, so they can try again, with their society's support, until they succeed.

In Norway, here is no stigma to being on public assistance, but here, in the USA, there is a lot. Norwegian citizens have a yearly income almost double that of a US. citizen, despite having a strong, inclusive, supported whole-heartedly by their society, non-demonized safety net. Whereas, our politicians mistakenly keep stating our safety net is a drain upon our society, threatening to take it away.

The other thing I am going to focus on now, is how to create the conditions to transition off of this government "assistance," without becoming homeless, which happened to me a number of times while escaping domestic violence, which is a big fear that has kept me depending on this "assistance." This is a challenge because there appears to be little support for going off this "assistance" once on it. If I give up my government housing I may never again in my lifetime be able to get it back.

Or, perhaps I can teach myself to be more resistant to the oppressiveness of this situation, if it is not feaseable for me to let it go...

I'm taking it one step at a time. My first step is to focus, more laser-like, on learning and making habits of our WW healing information.

Thanks, again!

I rinsed my POP with raw honey solution from the northwest region last night at bedtime. Very soothing!
My POP today feels very calmed down, comfortable.

I am glad to have avoided the use of the estradiol vaginal cream!

I'm focusing mostly on the present and future, now, having identified old childhood memories subconsciously influencing my decision-making re my POP.

If I want to remember a more healing, empowering childhood memory, I can remember my grandmother, who took us kids hiking up mountains, teaching us about healing herbs along the way. She cooked on a wood burning stove, having killed a chicken herself, plucked it, and roasting it in the wood burning stove oven, stored her foods in a cool earthen-smelling pantry carved out of the side of a mountain, who gathered fresh eggs from her chickens, and milked the family cow, made her own clothes, churned her own butter, welcomed people from all over the mountains to her generous and hospitable kitchen table.

I can be mindful in the present moment, and get on with moving forward, including doing the WW work...

A positive that came out of my childhood is travelling many places and meeting loving people wherever I went, manifesting in me a desire to "be of service to humanity." I experience that "we all are One." I value peace, non-violent communication, win-win negotiation....

Because I am still depending on government disability for medical care, I asserted with a bureaucratic agency that is supposed to help Medicaid recipients actually get the services and products they need to heal, that I needed waterproof adult swim briefs to wear in the pool to protect my POP, to get pool physical therapy that was prescribed for me, by one of my doctors, that Medicaid refused to pay for. It's taken me many months [while this agency insisted they would be able to help me, & tried very hard to, over about 4 months,] to learn that there is no way to get the adult adult swim briefs to wear in the pool to be able to use the prescription for pool physical therapy[with the wise, 30-yrs.-experienced female physical therapist.] [I felt I needed the swim briefs to protect my Level 4+ POP in a germ-filled pool.]

So, now, many months later, I am due to start regular [non-pool] PT, soon, without the swim briefs. [It seems like almost all of my muscles, including ones that maintain one's posture, are now out-of-shape..due to the time-consuming nature of living way below the poverty line, which forces me to live from crisis to crisis, I haven't gotten past 'step 1{Inserting my Jade & Pearls Sea Sponge I've disinfected in 100% white vinegar, & shaped into a pelvic organ-supporting shape, & attached a dental floss string to, & rinsed out} with learning how to do the SWW First Aid For Prolapse For Elders exercises {which I hope to coordinate with my new physical therapist's exercises, if possible....}being "Step 2."

[If my likely patriarchal, possibly holistic, PT cannot relate to SWW, I will just do it on my own, secretly, alongside it, & later discard any non-helpful patriarchal PT exercises.]

My POP has felt excruciatingly more & more non-stop painful, with my inverted uterus/vagina's membranes becoming very irritated each time I stand up or sit down, with my uterus/vagina/cervix slipping in & out of my vaginal opening. My vaginal/uterine membranes have peeled off an external layer of cells, on each side of its grapefruit? cantelope? size & shape, as it slides in & out of my bony vaginal opening. So it is very brightly dark red, raw & sensitive, & at the same time, dry & leathery, & often it oozes a pinkish-beigeish thick mucus-like secretion, which lately has become a more alarming dark red blood, apparently due to ongoing irritation. [At any rate, I am clear my pelvic organs have reached their limit of tolerance for being exposed outside of my body, with a strong pull of gravity upon them.]

Often, when I poop, the poop gets stuck in the crevice between my POP & my anus, so I am often having to get into the shower at any time, day or night, to thoroughly wash all poop out of all crevices between POP/surrounding vagina, & anus, & off of my often-ballooning POP, which can be exhausting, especially if this occurs several times just minutes apart [I also have irritable bowel syndrome, which for me manifests as frequent diarrhea, at times, when under stress, as part of having PTSD/the flight or flight response I developed while being stalked for almost a decade by my violent ex-husband.] I've started taking Imodium to control the frequency of my bowel movements to reduce the number of times I have to do the full shower routine.

As a result, I am so looking forward to getting my pelvic organs to stay inside my pelvic cavity, again!!!

I have often questioned/doubted my decision to not have a hysterectomy, due to the degree of pain & distress I am in, in my POP region, & how long it is taking to get physical therapy in place, another priority I've had, concomitant to dealing with the POP. I guess because I feel so brainwashed by still-patriarchal medicine [despite decades of feminist social action], the sense of lack of choice by depending on Medicaid & Medicare due to being on disability.

I haven't felt comfortable going to an emergency room alone about my very irritated exposed POP, as I thought maybe I could do, to soothe the pain, due to fearing I'd be pressured to have a hysterectomy, along with being harshly judged by medical staff for condition of my POP. [-Maybe I can find an advocate to go along with me, if necessary, in the future, {even though the local womens safe-house & rape crisis organizations don't consider pressure to have a hysterectomy & the hysterectomy itself to be part of their mission,to advocate for women about, although it is clear to me these ARE forms of medical sexual abuse of women, especially older women.}

Nonetheless, despite this self-doubt, I still am not at all convinced that the only thing these patriarchal Medicare/Medicaid doctors offer me, a hysterectomy, would solve my POP problem.

I am very grateful for Saving the Whole Woman emotional & informational support!

This evening, I will make my second attempt to insert my new J & P Sea Sponge into my vagina, which I assume will be held inside my body by the sponge.

During my 1st attempt, a few days ago, I found the diameter of my POP is so huge I could not stuff the POP with its now-leathery membrane of inverted vagina/uterus back inside my body, with my hands, even while lying down, to then be able to insert the sea sponge pessary.

This time, I am going to use my dildo to gently insert itself inside my vaginal opening, along the side of the POP, to create on open space to slide my pessary into, alongside the dildo.

I hope this works!

[I KNOW that when I sit down, the pressure upon the POP outside my body DOES force my pelvic organs back inside my bony vaginal walls, into my pelvic cavity, so it HAS to be possible that my sea sponge pessary could be inserted, there, too.....]

I will soak my pessary in a raw local honey solution, this time, before I insert it, to hopefully soothe my formerly raw/leathery exposed vaginal/uterine membranes.

Are there any other options for helping these raw membranes to regenerate to their pre-POP state, as well?

[I'm thinking a mixture of coconut or extra virgin olive oil and dilute tea tree oil [which is antibacterial, antiviral, & anti-fungal] applied to my sponge pessary might also be healing...]

THANKS!

P.S.-A TIP [Sorry for any gross-out factor]: I learned a way to prevent toilet water from splashing back up out of toilet onto my POP, when poop drops into that water, which was a problem: Place a layer of tissue toilet seat cover or toilet paper onto the surface of the toilet water before you sit down to pee or poop. Maybe this will help others with severe POP like mine, especially when using a public toilet...
[You Tube has videos demonstrating how to do this...]