Cleansing elder mom when stiff and takes long to comply to open legs


Learning curve where some caregivers want to force my mom to get up and other who say there is no rush. So i don't rush and go slow. Slow means that i have gentle discussions about the baby doll my mom sleeps with and that we have to move over to see her . That is how i get her to turn without opposing my getting her legs out of the bent knees position so that i can rinse her diaper area. The morning is so so slow. I massage her feet, legs, thighs gently and do very slow range of motion movements on her arms and legs and only then do i begin to try and pry her legs apart so i can rinse her down there.
Can someone coach me a little in this area?
How much touching and wiping must i do on the vulva area, perineum, anus etc to clea nse it? Is a spray mist of warm saline water sufficient to spray in all these areas and then air dry or pat dry wtihout startlng my mom? 75% of the time, i get around to where she losens up and i can clean her but lately it is getting harder to wash her privates.
Sometimes i am afraid to dab a little honey up there. How detrimental is getting honey and other cleansing methods like using Apple cider or saline or baking soda rinses in the peri rinse bottle? Can i use plain sink water sometimes when we are short on time? Mom mom had a rash two month ago which cleared up in a weak but i still like to know some skills in keeping my moms private area clean enough and not agitate her. . Just getting her up from a seated position is a labor intensive task and sitting her on the toilet is difficult as she doesnt know how to turn anymore. I can turn her slowly but it takes so long. So any way i can cut corners, please let me know. i use a special peri wash squeezebottle that has an upside down nozzle that i sneak down into the toilet bowl and it sprays up. I use warm water with a pinch of salt. I was originally using Apple CIder vinegar in the mist sprayer but now use salt as per direction of a holisti nurse. Then follow with drying and spraying coconut oil.

If you have the bars in your bathroom, you could have your mother hold onto it and simply place a commode behind her, so she wouldn't have to turn to sit.
Simply clean and dry was the best method that we used for cleaning the peri area. As long as they didn't sit in wet diapers, they generally had healthy skin. Wash her the best you can on her side, or when she is actually standing at a bar or with a walker, as long as she is steady enough. That way you can get the front and back. An unsteady person would really be a two person job, or a stand lift would be used.
It sounds like you are very gentle with your mom, and that is the best way to treat the elderly. All the rushing around just agitates them.

THank you for the idea to stand up. The commode wont fit in the bathroom. So it is a balancing act at the moment but 75% of the time, i have a good steadying system i would assume. I also manage to jiggle her belly. But in the morning before standing up, sometimes she gets cleaned and after raising the bed and propping her up with pillows, she will pee again after her morning lemon water. I am worried that the urine went inside the vaginal area and when i stand her up, her bladder will come down and over the vaginal tissue which has urine on it. I wont be able to clean the area covered by the dropped bladder anymore until she has laid down in bed again. I usually rinse her with a peri bottle while she is on the toilet and the bladder is down and covering the vaginal opening.