what to do?

Submitted by alemama on February 24, 2007 - 4:29pm
Body: 

I have a question for you all- I know that my prolapse situation would never have happened if I had not had 3 babies in 3 years- and had 3 massive tears each time. I am very healthy- have always been - I don't and have never stood tail tucked under and I never in my life have strained to have a B.M.- anyway-
My sister has a friend with a four month old baby(induction- episiotomy-lots of pushing) - and they are trying for another one-(she stopped breast feeding so she could get her cycle back) she wants them to be 12-15 months apart. So my sister mentioned to her that she may want to reconsider - had she ever heard of prolapse-
So I saw this girl yesterday and I asked her if she was still planning another baby- and she said yes- "I looked into Prolapse and it is EXTREMELY uncommon"- (which by the way....I sent the self exam article to 3 friends in my mom's group and wouldn't you guess it - they all- I repeat all have a prolapse- 2 mild and 1 more annoying but all of them and they didn't even know it.)I didn't know what to say to that. I said from my experience it is a whole lot more common than you would think and left it at that-
Now I don't want to go crusading - and to be honest I would like to imagine if I had known about prolapse before I had children I might have waited and spaced them out more- but probably I would have ignored the warning too but I just feel so responsible. Is it enough to have brought it up to her and now I should just leave it alone?

UKmummy

February 24, 2007 - 5:04pm

These are great points! I have struggled with this one myself. I have a pregnant friend with a retroverted uterus and I agonised about bringing it all up. (It seems there is a strong link between this and prolapse). I did finally, but she really didn't show too much interest in hearing all that I had to say so I left it there.

Incidentally, I am not surprised that several of your friends have prolapse to some degree. This backs up all that I have found as I have put this subject out there as well. The more I learn the more "normal" this seems to me! (I am smiling getting a strong visual as I think of all of the women at my Moms group sitting round doing a group self exam!)

I applaud you for bringing this up with this woman. I think that I would be a little more persistent and gently say to her that it may be a great deal more common than she realises, and refer her here perhaps. Then I would leave it at that. Then you have given her a real chance to make an informed decision, and if she chooses too or not it is up to her.

I think perhaps that if I had been told about this stuff before my babies I would probably not have believed it either or would just have thought it couldn't happen to me. It is amazing really and is why more of us NEED to be putting this stuff out there! :)

Michelle.

howdidthishappen

February 24, 2007 - 5:32pm

i agree with you, michelle. i mean, alamama, i think what you did was GREAT. you got information out there -- and, as you saw from the mother's group and as i think WE all know -- prolapse is incredibly common. however, it sounds like this woman just doesn't want to hear anything more about it. and, as michelle also noted, honestly, i think if it had been presented to me before i had my daughter, i can't say i would have done much differently. even throwing the constipation in there. i think there is a tendancy to feel invincible that so many feel. the woman -- or person! -- who pays attention to that sort of helpful wisdom is really the rare exception.

so, my point here is this...i think you did a great thing just to be willing to expose YOURself to this woman. should she find herself in a situation that we all know is not impossible, she will know to come to you for help and guidance. she will have that early advantage. and for all you know, she might rethink things privately and decide differently for herself. who can say?

i have found myself in similar sorts of situations in that a good friend of mine had her uterus out last summer. i spoke to her as soon as i was reading about the increase in prolapse with women who have had hysterectomies. i told her about myself, what i had read, suggested maybe checking out a few things and...nothing. and, so, as much as i may like to, i know i have to leave it alone. same with a few women i spoke with who have been through difficult births, a dear friend who has had repeated pelvic surgeries to try and get pregnant, remove scar tissue -- you have the picture. i just want all these women i care about the come here and educate themselves! but i can't do it for them. all i can do is be honest about myself, let them know about this path i've been so lucky to find...and let it go.

and, so, alemama, i say that to you. you have done your friend a great service. you have. and now it's in her hands. i hope she always remembers what is here for her should she need it.

xxsusan

Lilly Anne

February 24, 2007 - 7:51pm

Alemama:

Good for you for getting the word out there! That is great that you tried to warn/educate your friend and that you shared your knowledge with your mother's group. Sharing your knowledge with these other women is a gift. That being said, I feel that is all you can do with your gift is to offer your knowledge. It is up to those receiving to decide what they want to do with your gift/knowledge.

I shared my story with a women at work. She has 1 child, has had a hysterectomy and is often constipated. To me she has all the classic signs of potential prolapse. I could only lead her to the knowledge, it is up to her to embrace it and learn from it. I felt good because I educated her. It is up to her now.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.

- Lilly Anne

MeMyselfAndI

February 25, 2007 - 1:16am

She has a retroverted uterus - she has SIX children - and no prolapse issues. Whether that be by luck or heritage who knows. I had my two boys 15 months apart - After son1 (forceps) I thought a brick or another baby would fall outta me - the feeling went away after a while and no problems after son2's birth. Then 13yrs ;ater I had my daughter and found my prolapse when she was 2.5yrs old.

I think that some people are more 'prone' Some lucky people can have loads of kids and have no problems :)

We all live with the choices we make. But I reckon 90% of women have a slight prolapse and dont know it - Maybe alot of women do not get worse at all - Thats why they assume they are perfectly fine :)

UKmummy

February 25, 2007 - 11:19am

I agree. I most likely wouldn't know I had prolapse issues now at all if my uterus had not prolapsed so much intitally so I think you are right. I am sure lots have it but have no idea at all. I would still rather know though so I can do all in my power to stop things from getting worse!