rectocele bulgier...trying not to panic

Susan,

I am sorry that you are so distraught!

First a question: did your symptoms also get worse (if you have any) or only the size of your bulge grew? In the second case maybe you should not worry about it.

I do not have any suggestions as I am also just dealing with this 'I have to do this for the rest of my life'. I just wanted to send you a (hug), it seems that you really need it.

Could you get some more rest, maybe? I think that this all might be just in your head and you would need to disconnect from the prolapse thing a bit.

I will just tell you what happened to me three days ago. We were driving through a narrow one-way street. Suddenly a car stopped in front of us. A man jumped out of it and disappeared in a house. A minute later he came out, got a bag from the car and told us that we should go back because the street is closed. I got sooo mad, which rarely happens to me. All the frustration of the last months came out. I got out of the car and ran after him. I went into the house shouting that we are in a hurry, etc. As it turns out, the house was a home for the elderly and the man - a paramedic - was doing CPR on an elderly lady. I was so ashamed of myself. Just because I have a few bulges and have a bit of a pressure down there I behaved like a monster. It put things into perspective for me. I hope that you don't mind me telling you this...

I hope that you will get great suggestions and will be feeling better soon!

Love,
Reka xxx

That bulgier thing happened to me one time and then I found my cystocele and then it happened again another time when the cystocele got less noticeable.....and have you thought about where you are in your cycle?
Susan you are doing great- you have your constipation under control and you are eating healthfully.
It seems like there are up days and down days- maybe there are up weeks and down weeks.
Hang in there.

OK Susan,

Don't know if I am following you symptom wise here what with the sore back and all, but I think I am a little bulgy rectocele wise the past couple of days as well.

I am ovulating at the mo' and am sure it is this. I have been here before and it has gone back so please don't panic. It really does "wax and wane" as Christine once so rightly said to me!

Can I say, relax, (well first cry and stamp your feet, it might just help), and then try not to check again for a couple of days? Easier said than done but really, it will make you think of it less and by the time you do check I bet it will be as good as before!

It will be fine, honest!

Hugs,

Michelle.xx

I've been there too. I'm sure I will be again, after this baby, and I'll be counting on all of you to make me eat all my words, lol.

we all fall off the wagon from time to time. and you're strong, you'll cry and be mad and then you'll pick yourself up and get back wtih the program and before you know it, you'll wonder why this brief setback had you all worried and scared.

the nature of this it seems, is so variable and the unpredicability of it all can drive you mad. bulgy day - did I slack off the exercises? did I eat something I shouldn't have? did I lift my kid too often? now I'm all for taking responsibility for one's own health, but seriously, we've got to start cutting ourselves some slack. sometimes it just happened to happen (ooh, I love that line, one of my fav's from dr seuss's bartholomew cubbins) and it SUCKS.
so maybe its because of something you did or didn't do or maybe its not, but it WILL PASS.

{{{{hugs}}}}}

Hey Susan:

I just wanted to offer you some support. I remember reading on older posts that prolapse can change from day-to-day. Just like some days it bothers us and some days you feel perfectly normal.

I agree with the ladies, it probably does depend on where you are in your cycle, what you have eaten lately, if you strained in the bathroom and if you lifted anything heavy. I think it can affect the prolapse but I think that it can shift.

I just wanted to offer you my support!

Hugs
- Lilly Anne

Susan

Mine goes like this all the time. I have good days and then I have bad days....when I have the good days I slack off too and then I realise that I can't afford to! Mine is always worse after a period too. I have come to accept that it's a bit of a rollercoaster (I mean the way in which the prolapse goes up and down - see what I mean?). The key is, not to let your emotions ride the rollercoaster too.....if this makes sense. When I feel the bulge badly I know that I probably should have another BM so I drink a coffee and have a smoothie and that often works. But, we're all different and we all find different tricks that help us.

Six months ago when I went worse, I'd go into panic. HTe panic was more around being terrified my womb would fall out and so I wouldn't be able to have another baby. Now I know that everything's not going to fall out, so I don't find myself in that dark place. Aconite can help here, as can arnica - for sheer panic, fear and fright. Take some rescue remedy just to calm down but please know that you're not alone and that you CAN and you WILL get it back to where it was before....

Sending you lots of hugs
J xxx

So sorry you are feeling like you do, but it does sound like you are handling it by looking after yourself and being aware that you need to look after yourself. If it helps any I am in a really bad place myself right now, since I separated 16 months ago I have had a few really traumatic encounters with my ex. Each time it happens I get quite ill. I just had one a couple of weeks ago and I am still suffering from the effects of it. Once it starts it takes ages to get better again. I had to cancel a short term contract for work because I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle it because of my ill health. I don't know how long it's going to take to get better, it just runs it's course and there's not really a damn thing I can do about it. I can tell you're feeling really down. But if it helps any, I've been down nearly two weeks and still counting. I know this doesn't have anything to do with my prolapse, or prolapse in general, but our emotional health is so important too. I feel lonely, afraid, no self-esteem, and nursing a heartache that just seems to go on and on. I know what you mean by dark, dark, dark.
Lots of best wishes,
Wenz

I am sure that it will get better. And I am sure that you sleeping so little does not help either your celes or your emotonal state.

I am very new to this and have not really seen the cyclical nature of prolapse. But I have gotten better from the horrible pressure that I felt a week ago. The only thing I did was to give up sitting on the toilette seat. I just squat on it (a bit tricky and I have to be barefoot in order not to fall into the bowl) but by now I can also read when there...

The result was dramatic. I think that this way I can basically get rid of all the waste. My plum-sized rectocele is back to a be a bit of softening on the posterior wall. Of course, i know now that it is there and can resurface any time...

Maybe you have been doing this for months now but if not it might be worth trying it.

Please please try to rest a bit,
Love,
Reka

it is interesting isn't it- just when you think you are in the acceptance phase of this real loss.....it grows a new dimension and you kind of have to start all over again. The only benefit of this repeat feeling is that you know you will make it through. The first time around I freaked out totally when I realized I had not only a rectocele but also a cystocele- I wasn't sure I would be able to accept it. But now that I am past that I know that even if I revisit that place that I will come out on the other side.
and Susan I want you to know I hear (correct me if I am wrong) you putting blame on yourself. While I think we all have to accept responsibility for our health I don't think it is our *fault* when our health is less than optimum. Try to think that you have the power to make this better. When it gets worse (as we all know it will) just comfort yourself with the fact that you can help it get better.

I seem to remember that your cele/s improved after a month and now it seems you have gone backwards. Honestly, in my situation, mine didn't really improve markedly for nearly a year. I am sure if yours improved so quickly then you are very fortunate and very very likely to improve to the same point or better again. Anyway, your philosophy seems to me to be right on and I totaly identify with it and you express it so well. Writing for me is like pulling teeth and I think that's why I come across sometimes as harsh maybe. I know you'll be fine with the prolapse stuff, I know it. You'll be writing on here really soon elated and happy again, I know it.
Cheers,
Wendy

Susan,
I am also having problems...I have had many bad days in a row and basically it is the constipation. I so far only am able to have a bm in the morning. While I am at least grateful for that much action! I previously used to go about twice a week!! I am still NOT at all happy. I am taking the Probiotics but I think there is a missing link--enzymes. It seems those are the things that help with the actual digestion. Enzyemes break the food down, pro-biotics help you to create new cells...I am going to find out from my mom which ones she takes... Unless you are eating an actual perfect natural diet you will be missing that component and also the fact for the years a poor diet...at least that is the case for me! I am wondering if the enzymes will help much better with the elimination aspect.
I know the enzymes are rather inexpensive--$12 for a bottle of about 200...you take about 3 with each meal-I guess they also give you a ton of energy also.
The other thing I decided after feeling so horrible is I am going liquid during the day. I do not eat foods right now. I make green smoothies. Kale and banana and then fruit--strawberries, pineapple whatever. I drink them out of a closed glass to avoid the green part visually...HA! I find that if I am eating during the day the pressure builds all day until the evening and then I am just so looking forward to lying down!!! I have the meal with the family at night. I see a huge improvement doing that. The green smoothies are so full of nutrition and a side effect is that having a banana twice a day in the smoothies has eliminated my so called restless leg problem and cramps I used to get in them...
I also just feel lighter and more energetic skipping all other foods except the green and fruits. I had a day when I felt I didn't care and ate all day and oh boy I could tell the difference...! I don't see a problem with it...I NEVER used to eat in the morning and now I get up and my husband and we have one together in the morning and then I have one for lunch...dinner with the family.
I have changed my eating so much and still I have the problem of constipation so I am hoping the enzymes might help...I feel like my whole system is just so slow and paralyzed...I probably don't have what I need inside to digest properly...I have noticed though that the probiotics are helping me. I can sometimes feel my intestines moving. I asked Grandma Joy about that and she said it was a good sign. Maybe I am waking up!
My attitude though is that I will keep tweaking, keep changing things until I find out what I need and it might take a year...whatever since I neglected this aspect for SOOOO many years.
I also think my rectocele is totally interdependant with the cystocele...bad rect bad cyst...I have a bad day...days and I am so exhausted and nervous...but then there is the lavendar bath...I cannot say enough about that! I was telling my Aunt and Uncle about Lavender and my aunt is the most nervous human being I have EVER known. I mean she is like HDD on FIRE and she is in her fifties...my uncle became very interested and said she could use that...HA! I take a lavender bath and I am like a gumby...it has to be the aroma and the bath...too bad for my uncle though...I know she won't even try it...maybe I will make up a package for her for Christmas...!
Anyhow...no quick fixes but I guess we have to just keep on tweaking and movin'! Take care !!

Hi Susan,

Just look at all the beautiful responses in support of you! Without naming off everyone, it is so heartwarming to read of their interest in you and also, their suggestions truly remind each of us to uphold our empowerment over ourselves.

Well, I'm right there in the same boat with you this week, so I'm passing you an oar! We'll all ride this out together. As I said in another post, everything has been Murphy's Law around here for quite some time and the first thing I have to do daily is take a few minutes to pray - some people meditate -or do something to clear their mind before they start the day. My husband's in Colorado, I'm in Texas and the Wellness Expo where I spoke last weekend was in Oklahoma. My car engine quit, I had to rent a pickup, my fax machine quit, I broke my glasses and I was tense at making a speech. I knew I needed the pickup so I could sit properly on the drive there and back, so I took pillows to prop with. I knew it would be cold and I took the proper clothing (just didn't know I'd freeze my tail off!) I knew I'd be on my feet so wore the proper shoes and I knew I'd be nervous about making the speech, so I tried to keep my perspective of "being in the moment". Everything turned out fantastic, but by the time I got home, I was a little constipated, I could feel a bulge, and I hurt all over. I knew that what I had just been through was the cause of it all-even though I tried to take care of myself. Things are evening out today and I know I will be back up to par shortly.

I have a lot to do everyday and on the days I feel good, I become "wonder woman" - really pushing myself to finish my "list", then I pay for it. I think it's quite similar to forgetting the pain of childbirth. When the prolapses don't bother us, we automatically kick in the "go and do" mode and forget the problem while we are at it until maybe the next, when it comes back to slap us in the face.

So, you just hang in there, start telling yourself it will be better and don't forget the emotions do a big number on our bodies. Eventually, we will all have "learned habits" we incorporate on a daily basis to help ourselves with the prolapses. I think, at the same time, it will also help us to "be in the moment" with ourselves.

Much love to you,
Grandma Joy