I'm So Confused

Submitted by mumwithone on July 9, 2007 - 11:07pm
Body: 

Well, it's been a while now since I first found this
site. I'm really in a state of utter confusion at the moment and hoped some of you may be able to understand how I'm feeling and offer some thoughts of your own.

My daughter turned two a couple of months ago and I can't help but have my thoughts dominated by whether or not I should have a second baby.

I'm so grateful for Christine's book because it's made me aware of all the risks associated with surgery, and I've been doing the posture and have found fire breathing is helpful. But I have to admit it's added to my confusion and fears because in my mind surgery is now out of the question.

My prolapse just seems to continue to get worse. I don't lift my daughter at all any more, I've helped teach her to do everything herself, but now I can feel all three prolapses when before it was only the cystocele (and that seems to have dropped further too).

Of the physio, health nurse, obstetrician, urologist/ob/gyn, GP and even a private midwife who does home birth, ALL of them have said I'll need surgery after a second baby. And ALL of them have said to expect to get a bit worse after each pregnancy.

I'm glad to have found out about the benefits of natural, active birth, but I'm still terrified about my quality of life worsening if I go through a second pregnancy. I feel I'm only just coping now.

I know some of you ladies feel this hasn't been the case for you (ie that you didn't get worse with the next pregnancy) but it's still a risk you take isn't it? I just feel plagued by indecision - if I go ahead I might get worse. If I don't, I may regret leaving my daughter as an only child. Should I accept that my body couldn't cope with a second pregnancy, or should I take the chance? I know everyone says that prolapse isn't a reason not to have more children but I am fearful of my quality of life slipping away.

I know only I can make this decision, but I'm finding it so very hard, and I'd love to hear how any of you made your decision one way or the other.

fruitful womb

July 9, 2007 - 11:42pm

I'm so sorry your feeling out of sorts on this issue. I know what its like to want more children and be afraid that if I do then the prolapse will get worse. I've also thought (in my case) I feel like I'm already at the worse it can be so whats one more kid going to do, lol.
I wish I could offer some sound advice. I get the feeling that prolapse is normal after delivering a child. Every mother is going to experience it. And then you heal. In Chinese Medicine the postpartum period is TWO YEARS, the body can repair its self. I didn't know about my prolapse until after my 4th. Looking back I can see that I've had my cystocele before I had any children. The doctor called it a dropped bladder. I didn't think anything of it. When I was told I had prolapse, I was treated very differently. Oh and from what I've read, the prolapse subsides during pregnancy.

Warm Regards,
fw

MeMyselfAndI

July 10, 2007 - 12:12am

After i had my first son (terrible - forceps the works) I felt like a brick was gonna fall outta me - dragginggggggg and stuff. I then had my 2nd son - And that feeling was gone - Just totally gone. Many years later (2nd son born 1990 dtr 2002) I had my daughter in 2002 and again I felt nothing, In 2004 i thin it was I noticed the prolapse, so all I can say is - Sometimes a further birth can make things better. Not better forever, but 12yrs is apretty long time.

Now - All those years on I then and only then started my first kegelling session - THEN I made it worse! Christine told me to stop but I didn't - Eventually i stopped Kegelling myself to death and I felt soooooooooooo much better, I got into posture and again I felt ooooooooo much better. Now - a few years later - I feel like a normal human again - Some months just before period time I feel a little different. This month I feel normal before my period (Due Sat/Sunday the witch is)

So - If you get into posture and remain in posture for more years than I have - There is a great chance you will feel brilliant as the years roll by :)

I guess that as everything holds a chance of this or that you hafta weigh up the odds of it could possibly feel bad for a while - against how you would feel to never hold that next child etc.

My Gynae said if he walked down the street and looked at all women who had had a child (If he wasnt arrested lol) He would find that over 90% of them had some type of prolapse - small prolapse but a prolapse none the less - So - If this is part of womanhood and part of being able to have a child then it is in some ways a small price to pay to hold that amazing bundle in your arms :)

Think - And then think how you will feel years down the line if you never have another - Usually your heart will tell you what you need :)

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

granolamom

July 10, 2007 - 9:14pm

its not a decision made lightly, that's for sure.
for me, I just *knew* in my heart of hearts that there was another baby waiting for us. I knew that I'd always feel that something was missing if I let the prolapse take my baby away from me.
by the time I got pg I'd been doing the posture and some ex's for, I don't know, maybe a bit over a year? by then I felt a level of confidence in my body, confidence in the posture and another pg seemed like a perfectly safe choice.

and the what-ifs go both ways. what if I have a baby and the prolapse gets worse? what if I don't have another and the prolapse gets worse anyway? what if I don't have another and then get too old to have another and then the prolapse gets better but now its too late? it goes on and on.

I guess my advice to you is don't say never until you're no longer wondering about it. as long as its a question, you're not ready to close up shop.
if you find yourself longing for another baby, and that longing overpowers your fears of worsening prolapse, then go for it.
your heart will guide you.

mumwithone

July 11, 2007 - 11:13pm

for your thoughtful comments. I think what all of you have said is what it comes down to for me - there will always been this nagging, longing for another baby and if that's still there then it's worth the risk. With this one my heart is definitely ruling over logic.

AnnW

July 12, 2007 - 10:16pm

Hi Mumwithone,

If it makes you feel any better. I am in the same boat. Every waking moment is consumed with "Should I have another?" I turn 38 in August, and my son is 2. My grade 1 cystocele doesn't bother me much, just around ovulation and period. My symtoms are more "urethral" than others' seem to be, so I experience a lot of burning and frequency around ovulation & period, so maybe I have a urethrecele too? (Anyone else have these symptoms?) Anyway, If I didn't have a prolapse, I'd be pregnant with number 2 right now. But instead, I'm torn apart by indecision. It helped to read everyone's feedback below. THANK GOD FOR THIS SITE!
Ann

mumwithone

July 15, 2007 - 10:37pm

Hi Ann,

It certainly helps to be able to get to 'talk' to other women in the same position as me. My daughter has just turned two also and like you I would be pregnant again already, and wouldn't be debating having another child, if it weren't for the prolapse. Just as I'd gone off the pill and decided I'd just go for it anyway I got worse and now I can feel a rectocele on top of the cystocele and uterine ones.

I too am very glad to have found this site, and it's good to be able to chat about something that's really not talked about. It took me so long to even find out what was 'wrong with me.'

I guess for me it's just coming down to the fact that whenever I think I should just be happy with my one child and preserve my health, I can't settle in my thoughts. I guess I would regret not having another child over my POP getting worse.

Plus, it's great to hear of other women who have not gotten significantly worse, or worse at all, after a second pregnancy. It gives me a lot of hope.

I had obstetric 'delivery' for my first with episiotomy and tearing and was told basically to lie on my back for delivery and push, push, push. Since finding this site I've read up on natural, active birth and will definitely head down that route if I choose to have another baby. It really helps to read about natural, active birth. It gave me encouragement that I can help minimise further damage. Christine's book's also helped enormously and I've already adjusted my posture and wear looser fitting clothes. Bye-bye jeans!

Thanks so much for posting, it really helps to not feel alone in all this.