Please help me enjoy activities again!

After the birth of my daughter, nothing seemed to work properly. I had a natural childbirth, but it was very long and hard because dd was turned upside-down and stuck on my tailbone for all but the last hour. I did end up having an episiotomy that I was trying to avoid because her heart rate dropped and didn't come back up. I never lost a single drop of urine the entire pregnancy even when laughing or coughing (thought I made it through without that experience..shucks!). After she was born, I had absolutely no urinary control at all. As soon as my bladder filled up, it would automatically start emptying itself. It hurt to sit down for about 7-8 months..doctor told me it was just extreme bruising and everything looked fine. Even now if I'm on my feet for too long in one day I have a heavy, sore sensation down there. I used to love to exercise and run but can't even imagine doing that now because I am still incontinent to some degree (not like it was after my daughter was born, but not "normal" either). I thought that things were supposed to feel more "streched out" for sexual purposes after having children...it feels so tight down there the times that I have had sex that it hurts and I'm sore for days. I do kegels, but honestly don't see much improvement, if at all. During menstuation, I feel so sore and heavy in my vaginal area. I have to push on my perineum in order to have a bowel movement most times.

What are my options for treatment since I want to have more children in the future? I need to get an appointment set up but want to go in informed so that I will know waht to expect and which options are acceptable to me. I do know I would like avoid hormonal supplements. I also want to have more children but can't even imagine how bad the incontinence would be if I was pregnant again since I already have it now. I thought the memories of the pain would be what made me question having more kids...not at all! I am so scared that I would be embarrassing myself all the time by wetting my pants that I'm scared to get pregnant again. :( Waht are the disadvantages to surgery? Is it just not effective? If it did work, it seems like it would be ideal because you wouldn't have to wear something, take medication, etc. I am very careful to avoid unnecessary medical intervention though, which is why I wanted to come here first! :)

Thank you soooooooooooooo much for your help!