Why I made the choice to have surgery

Submitted by Anonymous on August 23, 2007 - 9:40am
Body: 

No, I can’t tell you the last time I have been more afraid. It’s not because I doubt I am making the wrong decision by having surgery. This is the best choice for me. If I felt I could live my life to the fullest without surgery I would. I am having cystocele, rectocele, labiaplasty, and something else I have forgotten the name of done on Set 13.

My story is difficult to talk about. In all honesty if I knew you or had to do this face to face I wouldn’t be able to. Even the people I work with know I am having surgery but they don’t not know the complete truth. It all started with a difficult birth 12 years ago. My daughter’s head was turned so she was coming out ear first, with her cord wrapped around her neck and the teaching hospital didn’t want to C-section, they felt it would be better to make the labor last 36 hours and pull her out by forceps. I had ripped at the top and bottom, it never to me healed right. And now the difficult part, I was raped. It still sounds like someone else is talking when I say it. It’s been years but it is still so hard to talk about. After he was done he said he wanted to make sure I was never with anyone again since he couldn’t have me. He inserted a knife and did a lot of damage. I honestly felt like no one would ever want me again. The result of the repairs left me with skin tag that I had to convince a doctor to cut off with scissors in his office. He didn’t have a choice he knew if he didn’t I was going to do it myself. I still have some pain from the way I was put back together, consent low back pain, difficulty going to the bathroom, and as far as urinating going I always feel like I have to go. I feel full, heavy, and off balance. It took me years to even go on a date. I am now with the most wonderful person and he treats my girls like they are his own. The problem is I have never felt right. I can’t have sex with the lights on, he has never seen my completely. He says that I am fine, that I am normal. It seems that all I ever think of is that I am not normal. My doctor said that I look like any other woman, that if he wasn’t a doctor and didn’t closely examine me he wouldn’t be able to see the scars. Yes, a lot of this is emotional. I feel that if he or anyone saw my scars they would be able to see what happened.

My doctor and SO fear that I am not going to get everything out of this surgery that I am looking for but I hope they are wrong. I just turned 31 and I want to be able to enjoy life. The cystocele and rectocele are not bad enough that anything is protruding out of me. But I want everything fixed at one time so hopefully things don’t get that bad and I don’t ever need surgery again. All the kegels in the world wouldn’t help me because of the damages I received. Estrogen cream hasn’t seemed to help at all. Yes I am still scared, the thought of not being there as the girls grow up is unbearable. But I want to be a good mom, without pain, pressure, and fear of incontinence. No one is pressuring me to do this, this decision has taken me 10 very long years to consider.

Christine

September 12, 2007 - 10:52pm

Thank YOU for being here, Therese! As our wonderful moderators are fully aware I’m a wobbly captain sometimes! I know we are all living proof of the Whole Woman truth, but sometimes the weight of rocking the boat gets very exhausting. Knowing I have many fine women standing beside me is what keeps me going!

MeMyselfAndI

September 13, 2007 - 12:42am

Today is the day eh...

I want to wish you well and hope that you will return to us and tell us how it went...

No matter what any site may say or whatever - I will worry about you until we hear from you again.

Good luck matey!

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

MeMyselfAndI

September 13, 2007 - 10:41am

Did I miss something here?

Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

MeMyselfAndI

September 14, 2007 - 1:15am

You sound quite 'chipper' (happy and ok) actually lol
Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

granolamom

September 15, 2007 - 8:00pm

glad to hear it all went well
hope you continue to recuperate quickly
sending healing vibes your way

angelakay45

September 17, 2007 - 8:47am

I hope you got my e-mail about my surgery...Please contact me if you can..So glad you decided to do the surgery.

angelakay45

September 17, 2007 - 8:54am

By the way my surgery was a complete success. I would recommend it to anyone...IT is so wonderful not to have my bladder between my legs and not to have to stop and push it back in every few minutes..i know that htis website is completely against surgery...but really mine was awesome..It took about 85 minutes...They put mesh in to hold up my bladder and to fix my rectocele..I am every pleased..Please contact me if you have any questions...EVERYTHING is in great working order

Therese

September 17, 2007 - 10:39am

I think it is pretty obvious these are fake posters at this point and we have been had by the fake rape post etc.--I am sure designed to get our sympathy and hit us viscerally between the eyes... and that there is either one person pretending to be two separate people or two people who decided to do this to us...perhaps they are affiliated with a certain clinic or Dr...I was solicited when I first started searching for info by a "Dr" who promised all sorts of things...
Apparently major vaginal surgery is less intrusive than giving birth vaginally--back to work in 5 days and vaccuming the day after!!!
All of this defies any sort of common sense and what ALL other women say...

This is dispicable...
I hope you get rid of this trash Christine--it belongs in the same bin as the commercial they have every ten minutes here on tv telling women and girls that your period is not medically neccessary and they have a pill to get rid of it!!!

These people--person are trivializing everything we are trying to do and be--like the bladder hanging between the knees comment...
Describing us like we are animals or freaks...

Christine

September 17, 2007 - 10:57am

It’s impossible to know one way or the other and really doesn’t matter anyway. The interesting thing is someone like angelakay45 coming back time and again to try to convince us all how great it is. You’d think a considerate person would use more caution than that given the tens of thousands of women on hystersisters who are having the exact same – and gruesome – long term symptoms from these surgeries. Once Angelakay’s tissues have thinned with menopause and her husband’s penis starts being excoriated by plastic spikes sticking through her vaginal wall THEN the “marvels” of these new and experimental surgeries – fueled not by common sense but by huge multinational corporations – will be known to her as her surgeon explains that there is actually no way to remove the eroding mesh from her body.

MeMyselfAndI

September 17, 2007 - 11:33am

This site is not for fighting or for saying people are liars etc.

Unless you have PROOF of your convistions it is better to give the benefit of the doubt in these things!

I would hope that people would know that this site is not neccesarily a site that embraces the word 'surgery' But if people cchoose this route then that is their chice and we wish them well.

please do not attack people on the forum! It leads to unrest in the group.

I willhope that we can all keep relatively POLITE and noon confrontational here. Please.

This site only runs so well as people here are very laid back about most things. Yes alot of us here do not even think that we will confront the surgery issue in our lifetimes. But obviously people do this and it is their life so the ball is in their court to cope with whatever it brings. In that I also say I wish themwell although in that sentence I also know of all the pitfalls surgery can bring in the future years.

Please let us CHILL and not attack. If you do not like a person - Do not open their thread. :-(

I will hope upon my return that this thread has died down to a normal thread again.

Sorry to rant but this site is a nice friendly loving site in the main and I would like to see it remain this way for the good of the forum.
Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

granolamom

September 17, 2007 - 11:43am

I don't know who's story is 100% true or not, that's the risk of online forums. I usually just go around assuming people are honest, why spend time and energy concocting a phony story?

but what I REALLY don't understand is this:
we all know the purpose of this site is to promote a natural, non surgical approach to the management of POP. If you want surgery, or have had surgery and want to tell everyone how great it is or want support for your decision to have surgery, why on earth post here?
you can of course, and you are welcome to, but why? why not go to those other sites where you will find more women who've btdt and will probably be more supportive?
I just don't get it

Christine

September 17, 2007 - 11:46am

I’ll go one step further…Gudch…I think it’s probably time you look elsewhere for support. As I said, we’re about being real here and you were not always upfront with us, so it’s no surprise people began to doubt your story.

Uprise seems a more appropriate group for you. Let those women try to convince you how great it all is (as you read between their tragic lines) while having virtually no conscience regarding the real picture of reconstructive pelvic surgeries and the hundreds of thousands of women whose lives have been negatively impacted by them.

We have to wonder why you came here in the first place and why you come back time and again when there is nothing to debate. I thought you were going back to work today…

Wishing you well,

Christine

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