I can't do it for some reason!!!!!

If you are not ready - tell him...

If you are just worried about the POP then dont be - In fact it will make things better!!

When the penis is inside the vagina it pushes the POP back where it should be and I have found it feels better for anything up to a month!

So do not fret over this - when you are laid back or whatever the POP will return to a position where he wont even feel it or see it

Do not worry - Take it easy and tell him you are worried and to take it slow - all will be well :)
Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

I agree, wait till you are ready. there's no point rushing it.
but what about being intimate without intercourse...that might help ease you back in? and then just trying intercourse for a few moments to see how it feels and stopping. baby steps, helpful for you and i'm sure your partner won't say no!

i know i was terrified. my physio prescribed sex as my homework one week (she's very popular with my partner!). and i was worried, but it was fine and it's true--it does help things. I often find i feel worse for a few hours, and then loads better for a few days...

experiment with positions to see what feels best.
and as for what they feel, lying down there's probably no difference. standing up yes, it can be felt. but hey, i always prefered horizontal anyway... ;-)

No need to apologize for venting. You'll be getting lots of loving feedback from the ladies on this forum.

Now, take a deep breath!! And remember, you are only 9 weeks postpartum, you have lots of healing that must take place. Your position right now is tending to yourself, emotionally as well as physically, loving that new baby(BTW-congrats!!) and mothering the other 3. I would suggest you talk with hubby and tell him you'd like to put the S subject on the back burner for awhile while you take time to heal, that you love him and that you can still have nice, slow lovemaking to reinforce what you mean to each other.

There are several new mothers here on the forum who are either going thru or been thru the same thing since childbirth.

I wish you well - sending hugs.

Love and blessings,
Grandma Joy

I dont feel worse for even a moment... Test it gently and you may very well find out that natures pessary can be a penis lolllll

I often say if I get a bad day and that is very rare these days - I say to my partner ''I ned to have use of you'' he looks at me - light goes on - He grins..... lol
Sue

Look into the eyes - They hold the key!
http://www.bringmadeleinehome.com/img/maddy544x150Banner.jpg

please go check out a few of my posts over the past few months. i am 18 weeks post partum and haven't had sex yet. we are going away this weekend, and i am looking forward to doing something, yet concerned about penetration. i have been worried about pain, how it will feel for me, for him, etc. etc. The gals have been great to remind me to take it slow, lead the way...and most express that sex is great....so i am hopefull, although fearful too. don't worry about venting....this is why i am here too. i will let you all know how it goes!!!! bringing christines bliss balm.....j

I have just not felt ready and have had all of the same feelings and worries you have.
I told my hubby the other day, "October will bring sex back!" so any day now when i have a good day i am going to give it a whirl. i'm finally feeling much better on all levels.

I have been depressed too, but now am feeling encouraged. I think if you wait a little longer you'll feel better mentally and be able to consider getting your groove back.
Listen to yourself and your body, and satiate hubby in other ways until you feel that you want sex. I have to say i was inspired by the poster below who said it makes things better for up to a month!

two things going on: regular, run-of-the-mill pp apprehensions about sex, and the apprehensions most of us had upon finding a prolapse.

the postpartum thing, I think, is about pain. having recently birthed a baby, you kinda want to baby the area for a while. some women are up for sex a week pp and others not for months. for that I say take it slow, use a lubricant if you need to, and you'll let him know if anything hurts.

the prolapse complicates things. now you've got body image at stake too. I feel lucky that I was able to deal with those two separately, as I didn't find my prolapse until I was 18 mo pp and already happily having plenty of sex.

my dh claims he can't tell anything is different. but I'm not completely sure I believe him, its the 'do I look fat in this' problem. he says 'yes' and I get mad, he says 'no' and I think he's lying.

but the bottom line is, that my dh is enjoying sex just fine. so even if he does notice something is different, is hasn't changed the way he feels about me or his level of pleasure. and that's what counts anyway.

have you spoken candidly about this with your dh? let him know that you're so concerned that things are different there? that you need him to let you know that he still finds you hot and sexy and still wants you regardless of a bulging vaginal wall? because I'm sure he does. and even if it feels different, that doesn't mean it's not as good as before. I imagine that it feels somewhat different anyway, after a vaginal birth. that's life.

it was really hard for me to come to terms with having a prolapse, the psychological stuff was much harder to deal with than the physical symptoms.
so go slow, it takes time.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Hi ladies

1 Just remember that every woman for the last 100000 years or so who has ever had two or more births has eventually had to confront the idea of sex for the first time after giving birth. It can't be that bad, unless you get walloped over the head with a big stick and grabbed by your crowning glory and dragged into the bushes for a quick mating session.

2 You are a different person in a way, after giving birth, particularly in the pelvic area. It will probably be no worse than jumping off the high diving board for the first time. It might even be good fun. Hmm ...

3 Do it at your own pace. Use appropriate products to deal with pain and discomfort. Look before you jump, be prepared for a bit of discomfort when you land, make sure nobody is climbing up the ladder behind you, making you feel uncomfortable, or wanting to push you. Also to make sure you can go back down the ladder if you get too scared and try again another day. Keep breathing throughout. Enjoy the feeling.
4 You will do it eventually. Remember that it is only water (ouch!)

5 Once you have done it once you will probably keep wanting to do it again, and again, and again.

Cheers

Louise

I just thought I'd share some humour that a friend gave me when I was angsting about sex post prolapse.
I was worried about "my bulges" and her thought was "maybe they'll provide added stimulation!".

not only does it make me laugh, but it's a way that i find helpful to talk about how things might feel for my partner "down there." but he swears he can't feel those extra stimulation points...

I'm 9 weeks pp also and def not ready for sex. Some days I feel i'll never do it again. I feel like a virgin all overagain. In a few more months maybe I'll want to but not yet that's 4 sure.

Don't do it unless ur ready 2. He'll have 2 wait. You've just created a child 4 him. Give urself time to heal mentally n physically

Hi Kiki

You're right. He's right too. There aren't any extra stimulation points. They are the same old healthy organs. Unless you are heavily into vertical sex with your pelvis tilted back your organs are in very similar positions when your torso is horizontal or even near vertical with you on top. Think about the belly full of Jello. Mmmm ...

Unless you are propped up on lots of pillows and lying back, sort of half sitting up with your vagina and coccyx squashed at the bottom (you now, how they give birth on the telly programmes - Geez I hate seeing that!) all your organs are in their right places, especially if your lower belly is relaxed.

Hey, TV labour position isn't in any of my sex books and I've never wanted to try it because men's spines don't bend backwards. The mind boggles! Anyway, I really don't think men's brains are heavily into perceiving how the furniture is arranged in there when they are bonking away. O no, they are thinking different thoughts entirely LOL.

Cheers

Louise

Hi All

I think there can be several parts to this decision.

1 Your brain is in 'protecting-the-baby-from-being-eaten-by-carnivorous-animals' mode.

2 Your brain is simultaneously in 'don't-get-pregnant-again-this-baby-needs-my-stored-body-reserves' mode.

3 It is also in 'I-feel-more-like-a-childcare-robot-than-a-sexy-babe' mode, ie the libido is in the wrong universe with all the hormones sending it that way.

4 It is also in 'I-feel-like-my-vagina-is-more-like-a-bag-of-marshmallows-than-a-slick-pleasure-toy' mode.

5 It is also thinking, "This is not my old body. The scrip is new". I haven't done this for a while.

6 This is going to *hurt* for a start. My episiotomy might break open. My vulva has different memories, ie being s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d!

7 The sensations in my vulva and vagina are different. I feel like I am a different woman (one with a baby!). I wonder if he will enjoy it as much with this new, softer woman. I was happy being the old one.

These are just the ones I could come up with from my own experiences a long way back. Yours might not be the same. Mine would be mostly about fear of initial penetration, the vulva bit. And of course sex is about way more than actual coitus, so just do what you are comfortable for the time being and build up a new reality bit by bit for the new woman (and the new man, who has a whole new reason to love you more. I hope it is asleep while you are doing this sex thing. If not, wait until it is or you won't be able to keep your mind on the recreational activities!!)

Ask yourself if any of the thoughts you have is a rational thought. Is there any sense in this thought? Then when you have thought out which ones are irrational worries you can discard the irrational ones by actually giving yourself reasons why they are irrational, and you can work out sensible responses for the others.

BTW, these are not my original thoughts. It is cognitive behaviour psychology. Identify the emotions experienced in a situation, identify the thoughts that go with each of them, decide which of the thoughts is irrational and counter each with a rational reason why it is irrational, then discard them. Take the rational thoughts and find a rational response to them. This literally de-fuses irrational thoughts and comes up with a solution.

And remember, lots of Bliss Balm. It is divine.

Cheers

Louise

What a fear- and totally rational in my case (hehehe) but we have managed not to get pregnant in those first few months thank goodness.

Mommyof4- You can do it.......One thing that really helped me was just being honest- I am afraid this might hurt- can we take it slow and easy for a while?
and we did for about 6 months- and then I stopped being so sore- and we were able to have a little more variation.
If there is one thing I can say I have learned since having babies it is how to be very patient.