Falling apart today

Dear A,

You are so not alone. Look around at all the young mommies who have been just where you are...Granolamom, Alemama, Marie and many others have prevailed and so will you!

I wanted to suggest that you take a washable blanket and sit on the floor in the waiting room with your little one instead of the plastic chairs you described. But now...how about finding a spiritual work that you resonate with, sitting crosslegged on the floor and reading a few passages a couple of times a day? Sometimes we need something bigger than ourselves to help us through, and that Something is so there to be found in the great wisdom traditions.

You will rally, I have no doubt, but no one can do this work for you. And, we are here whenever you need us.

(((((hugs to you, A.)))))

Christine

I just wanted you to know that I have been where you are. After the birth of my first daughter I know I went into depression dealing with this. I am having a hard time again after the birth of this one but not near as bad because of the support on this forum especially and all the work Christine has done to give us hope. You need to give yourself time to feel all of these emotions but then you need to tell yourself it is time to take control of your life and prove to yourself that this will not overcome you. I don't think you should leave this site while you pull yourself together. I think coming here will help you pull yourself together. We have to accept the comfort of others and lean on them for support when we feel that we can't bear it anymore. I like what one person said on here. She said that she knows suffering and this isn't it. To me I feel like I am suffering so bad but then we have to put our situation into perspective and realize that there are so many out there that are suffering a lot more. I have had really bad days where I am so mad and frustrated and I want to tell you that this site has saved me. Keep coming and posting. This is where you will find others that won't judge you and you will find hope. We need eachother to get through this.

first of all, A, keep on asking for our support! that's what we're here for. when I give to others I am also giving to myself. I am reminding myself of the truths I've learned, giving myself pep talks, and solidifying my own beliefs. Its good for me too!
and who knows how many other women are reading this, thinking, gosh, I'm happy she asked that, that's EXACTLY how I was feeling!
so you're helping all of them as well.
none of us exists in a vacuum. everything you do affects others.

and listen, I've been depressed. most recently with a touch of ppd. I had it bad after my first and recognized it setting in this last time too. but you do not have to lose this fight. maybe instead of trying to be strong and overcome you would do better to baby yourself. feed yourself good nourishing food. at least three times daily. put yourself to bed as early as possible and down for naps too if you can. take yourself out for a short walk for some fresh air every day. forget about being strong for now. now is time to lean on others for strength. be good to you.

don't give up yet. you've come this far, you can go another day.

{{{hugs}}}

I am too new to prolapse and postpartum to give you any insights...but please ......do not leave this site and the wonderful people on it. They and others that have posted will help give you strength when you need it.

Hi Anita

All these wonderful women are right. Don't go away and try and fight this alone. We are here. Those who choose to respond will respond, and look how they have! There are so many of us, and we don't have to respond. We do so because we can, and we want to. There have been 98 reads of your post as I write, and five responses so far. Sure, the rest have not responded, but that's the advantage of such a big community, hidden all over the world, and united in dealing with POP. We all understand, probably better than anyone else in the whole wide world. We are so lucky to have each other.

Take care. This too will pass.

Louise

Just wondering about you and hoping things are a bit better. I hope you're able to rest some. How's the baby? Kit

ATS- bend over at the waist or get on all fours to cough- I had this learning experience except I wasn't coughing I was puking and it made a big difference.
I know this is sanctimonious- but get your constipation under control- how are you eating? Flax seeds? beans beans and more beans? no meat? no cheese? leafy greens? water? no caffeine. no sugar?
I know it sounds miserable but man does it work and once you get it all under control then you can easily add back slowly the foods you choose.
I also avoid HFCS, PH fats, MSG- and Dyes.

It has taken some time- a year- but I feel great. I find if I add meat back to my diet, my stool is much more dense- it I stay light it creates less weight in my prolapse and less stretching and that works best for me.
I am glad to hear your daughter is much better- sounds like you might have what she had.
Maybe saline out your nose- and take some grapefruit seed extract- and tonz of vitamin C.
Oh I almost forgot- there is a product called Calm- it is a magnesium supplement and it works great to keep things moving. and an excess of C will do that too.

Hi A, so sorry I missed your reply earlier. Life is sure being rough on you. Surely it will let up soon and give you some much needed relief. The stress you are under is most certainly wreaking havoc on your system. I know how you feel, if it’s not one thing it’s two! I hope things improve for you really, really soon. So glad to hear your baby is doing better. Now, if we can just get her Mommy feeling a little better, too. Stay as strong as you can. I’ll be thinking of you. Kit

Hi Anita

Just a couple of things you may not have tried.

Try going to the toilet about 20 minutes after eating. It takes that long for the stomach to start emptying into the small intestine after doing its work on food, and moves all the other gut contents along the line. If your bowel is going to empty, this is the best time to have a sit on the toilet.

The other suggestion is to insert your thumb into your vagina and press gently against the rectocele to splint it while sitting there. That can help to straighten out the rectum so the stool is going in a straight line instead of round a bend in the pipe. Having a little wriggle around at the same time sometimes helps to reposition all the tubes too. You might only get a bit of movement each time, but doing it several times with a bit of exercise in between will eventually move all of it along. If the rectocele is not kinked all day it is more likely to straighten out by itself more often. I found I had to do this quite regularly for a while. Now I hardly have to do it at all (less than once a month).

Hope this helps.

Louise

Dear ATS

I really feel for you and what you are going through. I have been reading some of your recent postings and wish I could give you a hug. It sounds so much like what I went through. Although I did a pretty good job of keeping myself distracted most of the time, I was overcome with devastation as to what had happened to me; the lack of control of my body, the limitations it imposed, and the thought of how much longer I would have to live like this. I was 31 when I had my prolapse /rectocele after having 3 children, although even after my first at 25 (which was by C section) i felt like my vagina was falling out. By number two, for the first few months I felt like I constantly had a dislodged tampon, not to mention the month of incontinence. I felt like I went from a hot 25 year old size 2 who had had a crazy whirlwind two years after meeting her soul mate, to a 30lb overweight mother of 3, with her vagina handing out wearing depends.

Five months after my third child I distinctly felt something "drop", like a thud. Every time I had a MB after that, it came out in miniature ice cream scoop shapes, though most of the time I could not find the exit at all. I was terrified that it was something serious, so being that I am a very bright girl with a law school education, I decided that I had better not see anyone in case I’m right.

I was finally diagnosed with a rectocele etc. a year later. Like you, I did not feel constipated; and when I did finally make a BM it was not hard and dry, I just couldn't find the door. Under my doctors advice, I tried a variety of things, none of which worked to my satisfaction; some did not work at all, and some loosened my stool to the point that I had a BM every time i went to the bathroom, leading to a lot of cleaning, rubbing, irritating, etc.

I eventually had enough and opted for surgery. I was terrified and only then, at that point, did I finally let it all out to my husband. He knew all along that i was having some issues, and went to a doctor etc, but he never really knew what was going on or how I felt. It is easy to stand back and say oh for god''s sake it's not life threatening! just deal with it! It seems like such a minor thing. But when it happens to you it's unbearable. Certainly it became so for me. And the fact that my hubby and I were going through a not-so-good patch in our relationship didn't help any...

Right now, I think the most important thing is that you take a deep breath and take stock of yourself. Your emotions are further exaggerated by the fact that you had a baby not too long ago, so give yourself a break for that. Just tell yourself this is temporary; one way or another. Keep breathing, and turn to your husband. We are so used to taking care of our families that we begin to feel embarrassed or apologetic when we need taking care of ourselves. You have a wonderful family - from which it's your turn to draw a dividend, a lovely healthy baby, a home, a loving husband. It will all be ok.

Anyhow, I wanted to share with you my surgery experience, in case you ever contemplate it.

I am a mother of three, working full time, pretty much am and certainly will be the breadwinner in my family. It’s easy to say I should be reading books, watching my diet and paying attention to my body to deal with this naturally, but I just do not have a lifestyle that can support that kind of ritual. It was REALLY hard for me to remember to take Benefiber 3 times a day and get enough water in me!! In between work, managing the family, kids, nanny, school events, finances and bills, I just don't have the time to focus on me and time consuming routines. I eat healthily, but it's got to be something I can buy - i don't have the prep time at lunch.

The surgery itself was not a big deal, except for the fact that they get you into position prior to the anesthesia taking hold, so again, all feels very undignified (I was operated on via the rectum). I had some bleeding issues, so had to go under again so they could check the stitching, and went home at the end of that day. I did not have any mesh put in, I had the muscular wall between the uterus and rectum reinforced/tightened/repaired.

When I questioned him on recovery time, my surgeon had said "you might want to take the week off work, or you might be back on Tuesday, it all depends on you". I ended up staying home for three weeks. For the first two I was almost exclusively in my bedroom, trying to sleep it all away, 50% in bed, 50% in the bathroom (thank god someone prior to us put a Beday (sp?) in our master bath!). I was so scared of pushing, it hurt SO much to wipe, I couldn’t get out of bed normally but had to roll and slide down. I was on Valium and vikadin (sp?) which I took all the time as I was in so much pain that it made me very lethargic and i think i got a bit depressed about the whole situation. I remember near the end of week 2 calling my mother saying that my legs were hurting me and that i thought I was dying. I cried all the time. I had said to my husband during those 2 weeks, that if I had known what the recover was going to be like I wouldn't have gone through with it. After 2 weeks of doing nothing, it then took me a week to get over it, and be able to walk up the stairs in my home without feeling exhausted.

The worst of all, was the leaking or oozing that happened every now and then. Whenever I had a shallow bath - which I was told to soak in every few hours - there would be fecal matter floating around with me. I wore extra long maxi pads at all times, which I had to change frequently - I felt like the whole time I was constantly covered in poop in one way or another. I would scrub the bathroom - toilet, beday, floor - constantly, mortified after my husband found a few drops of brown water on the bathroom floor. I felt like I could constantly smell it.

At the end of week 2 I went to Target to get supplies for my kids birthday party (which was the next day) and I did not make it to the bathroom in time. I had to throw my underwear away and buy depends, changing in the bathroom. I felt like I could not control my bowels. The whole juggling of not getting constipated with not getting too loose via various medicines from Miralax to benefiber to laxatives, and find the right cocktail was a nightmare; i was scared to leave the house for fear of an accident. It was mortifying.

That all being said, I went to work on week 4 and felt much better far more quickly. Getting back into a normal environment made me forget I was recovering, and lifted me out of the self pity i had dove into. I am now 6 weeks post op, and for the most part I feel great. It is the most amazing feeling to have a normal BM... I had forgotten what it is like.

SO, I know this is a really long post - but in summary, I am glad I had it done. Just like the pain of child birth the memory of it quickly fades., and I now find it difficult to actually comprehend how I felt at the time. I still have a lot of management to do - still take miralax every now and then, and still take benefiber etc. Still have to make sure that i drink plenty of water and try not to strain. But I am so glad I had it done. When I compare the amount of BMs I have now to then it makes me think that I must have had a whole pipeline full; either that or my metabolism perhaps slowed down so that I didn't produce as much? Either way, I am finding it much easier to lose the weight now - though it may be psychological.

As with all surgery, you have to weigh up the pros and cons, and how much are you prepared to pay for the result that you might get. After having a bunion removed from my right foot I wouldn't do it for the left! But my situation was having such a big impact on my life and my family that I am very relieved it is no longer so.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope that your life clams down soon into something more managable. Deep breaths. Try to focus on the wonderful things. You will get through this, and one day in the not too distant future, like me, you will have only a factual memory of what you went through, not an emotionally painful one.

KT

Dear OhBoyOhBoy,

Many of the women who’ve been around wholewoman for awhile can’t help but shake our heads when stories like yours show up.

First of all, there is no surgery where the “muscular wall between the uterus and rectum” is reinforced, tightened, or repaired.

There is no “wall” between these two structures – only strong, stretchy, and necessary sheaths of connective tissue.

How is it that you, the “breadwinner” of your family and a busy mother of three young children, would take the time to post here – a resource site for women working naturally with prolapse?

Frankly, I find it offensive that you would come here only six weeks post-op either ignorant of or discounting the tremendously high failure rate and long-term consequences of rectocele repair. Your bowels may be moving more smoothly (thanks in large part to your chronic laxative use) but you are at increased risk of developing both cystocele and urinary incontinence.

You comment, “It’s easy to say I should be reading books, watching my diet and paying attention to my body to deal with this naturally, but I just do not have a lifestyle that can support that kind of ritual.”

It's very likely that the difficult and life-long ritual of dealing with your surgically-managed prolapse has only just begun.

Christine