Christine

Submitted by ATS on November 12, 2007 - 4:01am
Body: 

Hi Christine,

Sorry to post here but I did e-mail you and haven't had a response so not sure if you got it (I know you are busy).

I just wondered if USPS gave you any indication as to how long it takes express mail to reach the United Kingdom? I am still eagerly awaiting my Whole Woman package which was shipped to me last Monday.

I just feel I am getting this whole posture thing wrong as my lower back hurts so badly sometimes it takes my breath away and I feel so darn uncomfortable "down there". I spent yesterday visiting my mom and I just wanted to lock myself away in a room because I felt so uncomfortable and I didn't know what to do with myself. I took myself for a walk in what I think is posture to try and releive some of the "something dropping out" sensation but it didn't help. I was just relieved to get to bed and take the pressure of completely. I felt so jealous watching my sister running around with her little one and so angry that this has happened to me. Again I felt robbed of my life.

I feel completely disheartened and depressed with the whole thing at the moment and am starting to get tearful again. I am panicking about what the future holds for me and have even been looking at the internet about having the vagina sewn shut!

I am off for my Maya Massage tomorrow and the women I spoke to feels that this work will be perfect for me but I am not getting my hopes up about the outcome. I believe she may be able to help with my heavy periods and enlarged uterus but have no illusions as to my uterus being lifted into place and staying put. I have been reading some old postings from women who were having the Maya Massage done but they didn't come back again to update us so the wishful thinking side of me wonders if it worked for them and they are symptom free now.

A

louiseds

November 12, 2007 - 6:37am

Hi Anita

I know you want Christine to answer this one. Just got a couple of points for you.

1 Have you tried private emailing the women who have posted re Mayan Massage then disappeared? They may be accepting emails.

2 I have at last conquered the lower back pain thing after 2 1/2 years. For me it resulted from using my back muscles and gluteal muscles to tilt my pelvis, rather than using all the muscles that join at one end to the femur and at the other end to the pelvic bones and sacrum. My back muscles just went into spasm and I could not relax them because the other muscles forgot what to do. Feldenkrais is fixing it by re-establishing the nerve pathways for the other muscles, so posture is now being held by lots of muscles instead of just two. I feel so relieved and so much better now I am not in constant pain.

Cheers

Louise

granolamom

November 12, 2007 - 8:25am

just to add to what louise said

the posture isn't just about tipping your pelvis. before you can do that comfortably the muscles that have gotten tight while holding the pelvis the way you used to need to stretch out a bit.

try sitting on the floor with your spine as straight as you can get it (whole woman style I mean). try to get your knees straight, its ok if you need to spread your legs far apart to do that, but its important to keep the pelvis tipped forward. and you want your kneecaps facing up towards the ceiling. this will help stretch out the muscles behind you. they attach to the pelvis and the back of your legs. you *must* have your legs straight in order to stand and walk, so what ends up giving is the pelvis-end, and tight muscles will pull the pelvis backwards. if you force the pelvis forwards, it is likely that you are using your low back muscles to do that and you'll likely get sore there.
once your muscles are nice and limber, your pelvis will drop into a forward tilt, and all the low back will be less active.

another nice stretch that I was doing for a while is to get yourself standing in good ww posture and then, while keeping the pelvic tilt, bend over at the hips so you kinda look like a table. I used to do this in the kitchen at a countertop or table, and rest my upper body on the surface while I felt everything else streeeeeeeetch.

basic heelcord stretching is good too, its all connected you know. my fav is to stand on a low step, but only on the front part of your foot. the back half should be off the step (hold on to the railing or wall). then let your weight hang off the step, your heel will drop toward the floor and you will feel a stretch in the heelcord and/or behind your knee.

please stop thinking about sewing your vagina shut. that in and of itself is a most depressing thought.
it took me a long while to get the hang of this posture thing, and I'm a physical therapist!
this is not a short term quick fix. it takes a while to learn, and it takes a while to see results. at least it did for me. it is frustrating and depressing to be working so hard and not seeing any gain, but try to believe that there are tiny microscopic changes happening in your muscles, fascia, neural pathways. all these tiny changes add up and that's when you will begin to see a difference.

hang in there

ATS

November 12, 2007 - 9:50am

I am sorry to keep moaning but I really feel defeated today. I have been shopping and was so incredibly uncomfortable it felt like I was carrying something around in my vagina, which I suppose I am! Its days like this I really feel I can't live with this and it has seriously crossed my mind to just sew the whole thing shut and that way nothing can escape! My cervix is really low today and I am hoping its just a down day and it will lift again. Its just an uphill battle to keep everything from sliding and it is a battle I feel I am losing.

A parcel arrived for me whilst I was out which I can't pick up until tomorrow now so I am hopeful this is my bundle. I can't wait to see the DVD. I just know I haven't got this posture thing right. I find on bad days like today I arch my back inwards in an attempt to tip my pelvis as far forward as I can in the hope that my organs will shift. It did nothing for me today except give me horrible back ache again.

I want to cry everytime I look at my kids because my own thoughts are sooooo selfish. I am trapped in my thoughts and am obsessing about every little sensation I get. I just want to escape from this body but there is no way out. It has been a really rough couple of years. I had PTSD as a result of birth trauma with my son. This became unbearable when I was pregnant with my daughter and I had to resort to medication to keep me from going insane. Then I discovered whilst pregnant that I had gallstones which were excrutiating and when my daughter was 8 weeks old I had to have surgery to remove it. The surgery worsened my PTSD symptoms and I had to start trying to find alternative medication to control the symptoms of which the side effects were awful. I then found a therapist who uses TFT which helped me enourmously and I was able to discontinue the medication. Just when I was piecing my life back together and enjoying my family this happens. I feel like I am being tested over and over as to how strong I am and I am fed up with fighting.

Sorry about my ranting but sometimes you just need to vent.

A

AnneH

November 12, 2007 - 12:36pm

I was having a really bad day too. Things felt very low and heavy and my bladder felt as if it was hanging outside, which... it actually was. My husband just went out of town for the whole week so I decided to stuff in the pessary for a few days. Ahhhhh!!!!! I am a new woman. I know it is artificially holding things up but it makes me feel 20 again and my mood zoomed up tremendously. The pessary is not a total cure; it has it's problems, but I so love being able to put it in and make the falling out feeling go away when other things don't work.

ATS

November 12, 2007 - 2:26pm

Well I've just ordered some Sea Pearls and will give them a try and see if they help any during these really bad days. I've thought about a pessary many times today but a) I am worried they might cause a cystocele or rectocele (I think I have mild ones anyway but DO NOT want to make them worse) and b) my doctor and gynaecologist tell me I do not have a prolapse! I really would like them to tell me why it is then I feel like I am carrying a 10lb bowling ball in my vagina and my cervix is only about 1-1 1/2 inches up.

Oh well I can only hope for a better day tomorrow.

A

blythe

November 12, 2007 - 3:08pm

A. I have been there. I completely understand how you are feeling and I can only add my comments of reassurance to everyone else's. It is not a quick fix as Granolamom so rightly says and it too took me a while to see improvements and physically feel better. It is something that you have to work at every day and that is hard when you are feeling so low, but you are working towards feeling so much better.

Just some of what has worked for me.

As I have said in previous posts my prolapses personally felt better when I encouraged my youngest to walk/climb as much as possible, rather then me picking her up all the time.
Your body has to relearn a new posture and that can take a long time for all the muscles etc to relearn this and become stronger in their new roles. I am six months in this work and only now does the posture feel completely natural and subconscious. I had to daily think myself into it for a long time. I have recently also found concentrating on relaxing my belly has helped my back ache considerably which this month has been so much better. Osteopathy also seems to have helped thus far- have only had two treatments.
Child's pose on DVD helped with sore back and Downward Dog.
My backache is normally worse a few days before my period-most likely I feel the weight of the uterus at this time- my cervix sits about 2 inches inside. I try and take it as easy as possible around this time.

Please don't lose hope. I know how depressing it can be and how your thoughts can spiral downwards. However there is light out there and it is Whole Woman. I walked today all the way to town- 40 minutes with buggy, had lunch then meandered around town for another hour or so and felt great. I cannot tell you how happy that made me feel and I would never have contemplated doing this 6 months ago.

Sending you lots of positivity and healing vibes

Frankie x

ATS

November 12, 2007 - 3:53pm

I have actually just looked back at your first posting and your story sounds familiar. I was told to push when I wasn't ready but being a first time mum and not knowing what to do I did as I was told. I had a very bad tear and episiotomy. I do not know to what degree the tear was but the midwife took one look and said "ah, I cannot see where you begin or where you end and I need to get someone to stitch you up". I apparently tore from the cevix down - OUCH OUCH OUCH! It took forever to heal and I suffer to this day with a feeling like I have been kicked down there when my period arrives. I chose to have a c-section with my daughter to prevent any further damage and although I healed much quicker with that the damage had obviously already been done and now its on its downward descent. I wish I knew then what I know now and I would have done things VERY differently.

Normally my cervix is about as far up as my second knuckle on my index finger but sometimes it is a bit lower and then there are times when its nearly as far up as the third knuckle (but that's not often). I am trying not to check as often as I was as its very depressing but days like today it feels like its almost out so I check. It is low today and boy do I feel it! I spent a couple of hours walking round town today but was sooooo uncomfortable I just wanted to come home and climb back into bed. I find it soo hard to deal with my family on days like today and am the worst mother and wife.

I will pick my package up from the post office tomorrow and get started on the exercises and hope I too can eventually be able to walk around town feeling great.

Ho hum.

A.

kit

November 12, 2007 - 6:56pm

I don't have anything to add that the other wonderful women haven't already covered, but I just wanted you to know that I'm still thinking about you and I keep you close to my heart. You sure have been through a lot but I know the day will soon come where things will ease up on you. The others gave such good advice. Surely some of it will help you though to better days. Kit

blythe

November 14, 2007 - 4:51am

Hi A

Was your package the Wholewoman kit? I hope it was and you have managed to make a start on the exercises and are feeling a bit better.

Episiotomy , subsequent bad tear and forceps did it for me and then this was compounded in my second labour by pushing too hard for too long instead of breathing the baby out. The many days I have spent feeling angry, regret and sadness about what happened and wishing I could change it all. Reading the posts here I know that this is all part of the grieving process and coming to terms with living well with prolapses. I wouldn't say that I am completely there in that acceptance but I think I am on the way there. I know there will be not so good days when I will still feel angry and frustrated again with the reality of my circumstances, but I also know that these days will and have become less than they used to be.

I would suggest not checking yourself as much- try going for a few days- as it is not making you feel any better and concentrate instead on reversing the symptoms by doing the exercises, posture, etc.

Hope you are feeling a lot better soon.

Frankie x

ATS

November 14, 2007 - 12:59pm

Hi Frankie,

Yes it was my package. I have yet to go through it all as I haven't had any peace and quite but I will make he time.

I have stopped checking things on a daily basis now as it just depresses me and makes me panic. I am just trying to do everything I can not to progress it and hope that that is enough.

I have ordered a new lightweight buggy for my daughter that she can climb in and out of herself so hopefully that will arrived tomorrow.

Take care

A

granolamom

November 14, 2007 - 7:09pm

that you stopped checking on your prolapse incessantly is sign of progress.
good things will follow...