Taking care of our space...

Submitted by Zelda on November 4, 2007 - 9:18pm
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I'm still figuring out this format... I've always "hi-jacked" other forums and added a thought. This seems to be the forum I would be most focused on. How to live with this and how to negotiate the people in my life. I see a pattern developing in how I cope with the ebb and flow of my symptoms and sensations. I want to dance with this instead of smacking the wall, retreating, recovering and charging forward again. Smack. Know what I mean ? I'm not sure who - think it was Kit (Thankyou for your substantial postings !! it equals your precious time) who said she would maybe accept the physical aspects of this but would be damned if it robbed her of her mental health as well ! (paraphrasing) Amen. I Have been in some dark places recently and it makes me value my mental health all the more

So I quit one of my jobs after a grueling day of house-cleaning for this pampered neat-freak... got up the next day and cleaned My house. Spent the next few days paying the price - but also writing a bit here ! I must say I am better when my space is more (than less) clean and tidy and the effect has been lingering. I really spruced up my bedroom and even though I was tired I FELT GOOD in my space. What I am trying to share with you all is when your freaking out, find a way to honor Your space - the place you retreat to - and spruce it up somehow. It took all my agitated energy and focused it to a good end. Helped restore my optimism.

The other change I am finally- reluctantly- trying, is this whole asking for help... Tremendously hard for me. And here's a strangely un-anticipated silver lining... My son of 12 years is stepping up with such a graceful and helpful attitude that I am somehow comforted that this is not just a burden on my family but an opportunity for growth and self-esteem for him. Just reinforcing my belief that we are at our best when helping others. Wow. I think I can accept this better with that awareness. We are actually giving them an opportunity... I'm not sure my husband is quite there yet... I think he is over-loaded. Seems to be Very pre-occupied with mundane non-emotional issues like the weather. Living apart has become a bit of a blessing right now - we're both needing our breaks for our own reasons. I'm not holding it against him and have a goal to take care of myself without burdening him unduly. He can't be my wailing wall. My local GF is also feeling uncomfortable - she's never had any physical complaints and really can't empathize and seems slightly frightened of the topic. Alone without ya'll !
Zelda

louiseds

November 5, 2007 - 12:54am

Hey Zelda

I like what you wrote. It has many truths, and I see glimpses of a different Zelda.

I too like to have a nice space. I think that is why I am enjoying so much the labour I am putting into my garden. It gives me great satisfaction to just walk with my morning cup of tea in the new spaces and paths I have created, despite the devastation I have caused to existing spaces and structures.

Something as simple as a clean kitchen floor that I have vacuumed and mopped properly gets me all excited, even if the cooks in the family mess it all up again that night.

The same with a neat desk, where all the works in progress have been neatly piled ready for action.

My Tantra book talks about the importance of having a sacred personal space for making love, that is usually the bedroom. This is also where we begin our day and end our day. To honour the space by making it a pleasant space to be in is a good start. Lighting it well, choosing colours carefully, removing clutter and using symbols to remind you good things in your life among other things. I think my bedroom is a good place to start; a springboard, a pleasure space and a refuge.

Cheers

Louise

kit

November 15, 2007 - 1:58pm

Zelda said, “I want to dance with this instead of smacking the wall, retreating, recovering and charging forward again. Smack.” Me too, Zelda, me too. Beautifully said. I am working on it.

So glad to hear the strength in your voice. And how wonderful it is to hear of your 12 year old stepping up to help his mother. Kids are just the greatest. My oldest called from work one day recently because she’d noticed my emails were shorter than usual. She knew that fewer words meant things were not quite right with her mom.

You and Louise got me to thinking about the condition of my house. I’ve always kept it clean but comfortably cluttered with our personal things. But this past year, and notably again the past couple of months, I have let it slide to an uncomfortable level. It is clean enough to be healthy but it’s just not as bright and shiny and orderly as I like it to be. I need to get it back in order. I know it will help me feel better and help my husband and I feel like things are more normal. Finding the energy is hard right now though. I used to have so much energy and could get so much done in a day. I miss that so much and I am at a loss as to how to get the enthusiasm back.

But you’ve both inspired me to try, so I think I’ll start with one room at a time. Louise, per your suggestion, I’ll start with the bedroom. With winter coming there will be lots of time spent indoors. I am going to aim for clean, comfortable and calm, and throw in bits of color for inspiration. I am also going to bring out more personal family photos to remind me of all the beautiful blessings life keeps offering.

I’m also going to let my sweet rough and tumble dog come inside to visit. If I can’t participate as much in the games she likes to play right now, I’ll let her come in and just enjoy some quiet time with us. She will adapt. She mostly just craves love anyway.

And I will write a plan to tackle my gardens next spring without letting them tackle me! Louise, any advice here is so welcomed. One space we have is like our own little Eden, I just can’t bear to let it go to weed.

I’m going to Dance with it Zelda. Makes me feel better already. Kit