MarieM's post about PELVIC PROLAPSE, moved from another Forum

Body: 

I am so glad I found this site. I was about to go through surgery for pelvic prolapse and while searching for info on the surgery I found the awesome site. YEA! I was married to my second husband for 28 years, the first 6 or 7 being okay then it started going downhill. He started becoming verbally and emotionally abusive. By this time we had a daughter. I stayed in that marriage because he always told me if I divorced him I would never see my daughter again. He was really good at manipulation. The last 15 years was all about his pleasure in bed if you get my drift. I finally got God in my life and I left him after our daughter went to college. I am 52 and January of this year I saw my high school sweetheart, who left our hometown about 36 years ago. We started texting and talking, he lived about five and half hours from me, he came to see me in Feb. and we found out we still loved each other. Anyway to cut it shorter, we were to be married on July 23. I know some people think sex before marriage is okay but I don't. So no sex before marriage. 3 days before our wedding I found out I had a prolapsed bladder from the dr. where I lived. HORROR set in. I told him in case he didn't want to go through with the wedding. I felt defective and cheated. We got married and I move 400 miles from where I grew up. I went to the ob/gyn there and he told me I had complete pelvic prolapse. My new husband is afraid he will hurt me. On our honeymoon sex was great but now it feels like my vagina is all stretched out. When we have sex, which is now not very often because when we do I get so frustrated and disgusted with my body. It feels weird and there is no friction so I cannot enjoy it and I don't really think he does. I was ready to get that surgery because that dr. was going to do a complete reconstruction. I thought, wow I will be able to get satisfied during sex. I know this is a very long post and I am sorry but I have read a lot of post and I have not seen anything about this part of my problem. I also feel very useless, we just moved into a house and I can't even lift heavy boxes so I can unpack and get the house in order.. I have been thinking about ordering the books and dvd's. I think I could learn to live with parts of POP but I just got married to the man of my dreams, excuse me but I want great sex. HELP I feel like I am defective and that my new husband should not have married me. I am no good to him or anyone else. I finally get a man that actually cares about me and how I feel and then I find out I am not whole.

Hi Marie

I can understand your deep disappointment about your pelvic organs prolapsing at a time when you really want to have a body which is acceptable to both of you and attractive to your new husband.

I guess you feel like you have gone to your daughter's wedding in a brand new dress, and some idiot has driven through a puddle and splashed mud all over it, before you have even arrived at the Church. You feel suddenly ruined, unattractive, and ashamed that you are not worthy to be there.

Of course, these feelings are not a reflection of reality. Your new husband loves you dearly for who you are. You are acceptable and attractive to him. There is no need to bear any shame for having prolapsed pelvic organs. It is not your fault. We women tend to see our bodies as a reflection of our inner selves, when the body is really just packaging. ;-)

You will survive this, and your marriage will thrive in spite of it, and you will both be able to enjoy sex too.

Marie, I suggest that you initially go to YouTube and have a look at the excerpts of Christine's videos about Wholewoman posture. These will give you some basic understanding of the biomechanical principles behind it. The video, First Aid for Prolapse is a good first resource to have, to teach you how to manage your body. The book, Saving the Whole Woman gives more depth of understanding.

Once you have a good understanding of how your body is designed to retain your pelvic organs inside your vagina, tighten all your pelvic floor muscles and extend your vagina, and see that there are many ways that the body supports its pelvic organs, you will begin to lose your fear and start to live again.

Doctors can be a bit catastrophic in their descriptions of prolapse too, and very negative about the prospect of not having surgical repairs, which are, of course, the products they sell.

You are the one who can assess where all your organs are, once you can identify them with your fingers. You just work out whether the organ you can feel is coming out of the front or back vaginal wall, and how low they are.

Go away and do that and report back. It may not be as bad as you think!

You can use Wholewoman posture principles for sex too. The woman on top often works well while you are exploring the possibilities. The advantage of it is that your belly can be relaxed and your lumbar curve retained, and you are in charge of penetration angle.

BTW, men don't seem to even notice the difference when a woman's pelvic organs are prolapsed. BTW2, plenty of lubrication will actually help, rather than reducing friction. It is the shape of your vagina, and the positions of your pelvic organs that will change with Wholewoman posture.

Louise

Just a quickie to say welcome MarieM. sorry to hear that you are going through the rotten stage of finding out that you have a prolapse. You will read that lots of people, myself included, go through the tears and unable to do anything stage...

The good news is... there is abundant and richer life AFTER prolapse, if you will allow yourself to find it.

Take a few simple steps:
Only wear loose clothing
Start standing and walking in WholeWoman posture
Take care with the diet
Take just a few things out of your heavy boxes and allow yourself more time to unpack and arrange your new home (or perhaps a little help from friends or neighbours, i guess this is difficult until you get to know people in your new area)
Know that Wholewoman forum members are here to help you along the way.
If you can, order the DVD and book, and start the workout first part as soon as you can.
After 9 months with rectocele and cytocele, I am gradually learning more about my body, the important things in life and the sex part is fine......

Hang on in there, things will improve, gradually.

Hugs to you from UK

marigold

Well, it certainly sounds like you have mistakenly carried negative self-images from your first emotionally abusive marriage into your second marriage to someone who truly loves you.
By mistake you have become your own abuser by continuing to use and abuse yourself in terms of sex. Sex is about loving not performance; however, many women with prolapse issues find that true loving and caring from one's true love and from the self can actually mend problematic self image and sexual performance.
Fix your self-image and let your husband's love help in your healing. We can't afford to say mean things about ourselves; we just don't have the option.
Daphne11

Yes!

:-)