Let's Talk About (Anal) Sex

Submitted by Jennifer Lynne on January 4, 2014 - 12:44pm
Body: 

I've got a severe uterine prolapse and a not-so-severe bladder prolapse, and possibly the beginnings of a rectocele. Still, though, I find them manageable enough for the moment. Anyway, I'm cautious about sexual positions so I'm feeling a little more inhibited than I would like, but generally, I'm still a kinky little thing.

And so, on that topic, I will just ask bluntly. I'd like to start using an anal plug. I tried it only once, last week, and all was fine. If I were to start wearing one on a more regular basis, would there be any issues, do you think? I've not done anything anally before, but I suspect that this is the start of something.....Will anal sex be an issue?

I believe I read something somewhere that using an anal plug can actually help prolapse symptoms. That would be nice, but at the very least, I don't want to make anything worse.

Thanks.

Forum:

Christine

January 14, 2014 - 2:28pm

Only now do I have a break in my schedule to respond. Thanks so much for such wise words, Surviving and Arizona!

Hope we’ve heard the last of this subject - and we can refer women here if ever it comes up again. I thought the entire thing had a tinge of ingenuousness about it from the beginning. I was bracing myself for some huge admission of “kinky” and it turned out to be much ado about nothing.

Fab was right to be concerned, although from my perspective it wouldn’t be the UP that might be so much at risk, but the lining of the anus or rectum.

It is true that Lanny has a more male perspective on the situation and he should’ve stayed out of the mix.

I was most concerned about the logic, or even rightness, of such a fad (for that’s what it truly is) from a perspective of the millions of women who walk around with a metaphorical stick up their bum as a result of male oppression.

I benefited from much of the discussion though, especially the wisdom that sexuality works best when it is subordinated to Whatever-god-is-to-you.

I’m actually surprised that Lanny wrote what he did, when the day before we had a lovely discussion about how our relationship eventually became like a woven basket - he the warp, me the weft - which is strong enough to hold all the sturm und drang of our lives. Sex *does* change - sooner or later. For me, as my sexual flower was closing, the lotus of my spirit was opening.

Maybe we should stick to prolapse and hips. I’m pretty idealistic and sometimes fancy the notion of a group of strong and thoughtful women healing the whole world. :-)

Love from Christine

Jennifer Lynne

January 14, 2014 - 3:51pm

I tried to just not care and walk away. I was waiting for Christine's response, hoping to see that at least she, as the owner of the site, would say "There's no reason to think Jennifer is not genuine." And now I see that Christine agrees.

I'm a real person, with real feelings. And I just had a good long cry in my car at the grocery store after reading Christine's response on my phone. I don't understand. I really don't understand and I'm confused and at a loss.

Please. Please, someone tell me why you think I'm being anything but truthful. I've been coming to this site for four years. Now,...now I feel alone. I could at least always come to this site to read and be assured that surgery isn't the only way. But how can I come here if you all think so poorly of me? And how can I reconcile that when I don't even know what I've done? I feel completely dropped. I need somebody to please explain this to me. In real words. I'm begging you.

curiousity

January 14, 2014 - 4:06pm

I never saw anything in your posts that made me think you weren't being genuine. In fact, I think you started a most interesting (and meaningful) discussion that many of us engaged with deeply. The only way I can rationalize that judgement is the assumption of some sort of universality that does not apply here :(

Arizona

January 14, 2014 - 4:13pm

Okay, I am the odd woman out, but that's nothing new so here goes: Jennifer, I believe you! You came here with two posts, one of which took on a life of its own. I believe you when you say you are prolapsed and that is why I don't want you to walk away from the WW program. My thought is this all Whole Women: At this juncture, which is more harmful? Condemnation of the possible use of an anal plug and its side effects or letting a woman who is feeling quite diminished at this time leave a forum which can help her live with and manage her prolapses. Sh*t! jennifer I have to pop off...got to get a kid to the dentist. Hang in there girl!

Surviving60

January 14, 2014 - 4:23pm

Ok I'm stumped. No one at any time has said or implied that Jennifer was not genuine. I would say that the exact opposite occurred. We know you are the real deal and have been speaking and sharing from your heart.

Christine used the word "ingenuousness". Could that be the source of confusion, Jennifer? Did you look it up? I wish you would. - Surviving

Jennifer Lynne

January 14, 2014 - 5:11pm

Fab wrote to me: "Your age 41, your wanting to self harm that is of course if you truly have a severe uterine prolapse and I think you would understand why I would be questioning this at this time, your anger, and your headaches are signals. "

Surviving wrote to me: "Christine herself has addressed all of this quite adequately, although anyone with a prolapse (especially a developing rectocele) would have already known the answer to this question without having to ask."

Fab wrote to Lanny: "Someone with a severe uterine prolapse, as claimed, would be aware of the physical implications of wearing an anal plug. If through some amazing degree of unknowing they are not, then they can try it and see and if feeling in a generous mood can report back. I am not convinced of Jennifer's genuineness in this matter."

Christine wrote: "Hope we’ve heard the last of this subject - and we can refer women here if ever it comes up again. I thought the entire thing had a tinge of ingenuousness about it from the beginning. I was bracing myself for some huge admission of “kinky” and it turned out to be much ado about nothing. "

You're right. I did read wrong. (Probably because I was crying.) But that doesn't help explain why Fab is allowed to say things like that about me, and Christine didn't fix it. That's what I was waiting for. Instead, she's glad the discussion is over and something about much ado about nothing, like perhaps she was waiting for something more? I didn't really understand that.

I definitely feel better knowing Christine didn't say that. Thank you for pointing that out to me. And I do feel better that at least no everyone thinks what Fab does. Silence seems like tacit approval and acceptance.

I still don't know why these things are said to or about me. But not having Christine's input to put things right put me over the edge. I still feel I'm deserving of it, but...I'm not quite as emotional anymore. Thank you, Surviving.

Jennifer Lynne

January 14, 2014 - 5:17pm

I just looked in my phone search history. Because I *did* look it up. I see what happened. The phone corrected my spelling to "ingenuiness." (Which isn't even a word, but apparently it has a definition.)

Surviving60

January 14, 2014 - 5:28pm

Jennifer, I think that some of us have been studying and managing our prolapse and overall pelvic health for so long, that your original question seemed far-fetched. My reaction was, ouch, why does she even want to do that? Why does she even ask? How could such a thing possibly be a good idea? It seemed like one of those questions that you probably already knew the answer to. That's all that we meant.

I would love it if you would go back to your other thread and fill us in on your posture progress. - Surviving

Christine

January 14, 2014 - 6:44pm

Jennifer, twice you have said you were leaving, and the last time gave me (and WW) the proverbial finger on your way out the door.

Few of us agree on anything in this thread. I don't agree with Fab's assessment that you shouldn't be experimenting at 41. The forties are the years of hormonal overload and many women have a hard time keeping their pants on during that decade. I want to say to you, have fun, learn about and enjoy your body, because "a change is gonna come". The anal plug I just don't understand, but I did apologize for being critical of it.

I had a problem with the grand announcement, which is the title of this thread (in capital letters). And I think Fab did too - but I would not exactly call it "exhibitionism" (gotta love Fab!) Then implying that you were into kinky sex. It just seemed a bit over the top.

Please do not consider that I, Fab, or anyone thinks you aren't being truthful. What I love about the English language is that it absorbed similar words from French, so we have slightly different shades of meaning between such words as truthful and genuine.

Most simply put, I think there was (and continues to be) unnecessary drama here.

Christine

Celeae

June 1, 2015 - 2:52pm

Woah! I'm new to this site and now have a completely different take on what I have previously thought was just a useful plug! Coloplast make these for continence. They are like a tampon, soft, but enclosed in a soluble wrapper so one inserted they expand, into a dome-shaped foam block. I use one after a good clear out (following use of Peristeen irrigation) , not every time, but if I'm going to the gym or am going to be somewhere where it would be v awkward to get to a toilet immediately. I haven't noticed any sexual stimulation - indeed am quite amused at the thought because next time I use one I will be thinking about this post, perhaps I have been missing a trick? Does anyone else use this product?

Surviving60

June 1, 2015 - 4:42pm

Gosh no - I would use low-profile incontinence undies before I'd stick something up my butt. Anyway I think it is worth pointing out here that Celeae has a history of multiple surgeries for bowel obstruction, and her experiences (not to mention her methods of management) are not typical of most women with ordinary prolapse. - Surviving

Celeae

June 2, 2015 - 6:15am

Yes, my journey is not at all typical and my priorities after having life-saving surgeries, have been to avoid bowel obstruction and urine infections. It is only really now that I have realised that my celes need some attention too otherwise everything risks going further South, which will cause more problems. So a lot of my management up to now has been plumbing -related ie how best to assist emptying of bowel and bladder. I am very encouraged by what I am reading on this site in terms of attention to posture, it is a different approach which I want to add! Please don't think I'm recommending any of what I have ended up doing, I'm curious to hear other people's experiences and opinions as I am learning a lot from you all on this site. I am on a constant search for new ideas and strategies, and I do try them out.

Surviving60

June 2, 2015 - 7:09am

Thanks Celeae for that update. I do want to point out also (for the benefit of anyone else reading here) that fecal incontinence is not normally a result of prolapse itself.....it is more common after surgeries. Because this is an open forum and many newbies come here, you will understand why some of your posts might require this kind of clarification. - Surviving

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